Catholic brides

KathleenG Posted: Jun 18, 2003 09:12 PM

Catholic brides

Any brides or brides-to-be who have or are getting married in a church where you aren't a parishoner? How difficult is it to do? I am so STRESSED about this!

LisaT Posted: Jun 18, 2003 09:15 PM

Re: Catholic brides

its not hard. You just need to get 'permission' from your parish. Our parish was in San Francisco, so we did all the pre-cana out here, and they wrote a letter to the church in NY.

KathleenG Posted: Jun 18, 2003 09:19 PM

Re: Catholic brides

Thanks for the feedback. The whole process of it all just gives me a headache!

amyt324 Posted: Jun 18, 2003 11:23 PM

Re: Catholic brides

i've been going through the same saga since FEBRUARY! i belong to a parish in NYC and the couple of churches i went to on the island wouldn't marry non-parishioners. but i too got a note of permission from my priest in the city (he was much more understading than the LI priests about the commute for my guests to the city for mass and back out to the island for reception) and i think i may FINALLY have a chance at this one particular church now on the island. we're meeting the priest on sunday - keep your fingers crossed! i just can't go through this anymore!!

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 18, 2003 11:33 PM

Re: Catholic brides

my sister had that problem... it was either her church or his.. so they ended up with hers..

ThreeTwenty Posted: Jun 19, 2003 12:31 AM

Re: Catholic brides

I had sooo many problems because I am getting married during lent and my parish refuses to do any lent weddings. I called around and they all told me the same thing-'if you're not a parishioner youre not welcome to be married here'. I got so p.o'd at one guy's attitude that I said 'If Jesus was accepting of all people, why isn't his church?' The guy hung up on me!!
Anyway, my dad called the Bishop of RVC and spoke to his chancellor. He told my father that parishes cannot discriminate and if we have any more problems to call him and he would take care of it. Thankfully, I went to Holy Name of Mary and spoke to the Pastor. He was really nice and said we were more than welcome and we didn't need to be members of that parish. He was upset at the attitudes I got and he even said 'the church is losing so many people for so many other reasons, and that is only making the situation worse.'
Good luck to you, and if you have any problems call the bishop of the diocese you are from!

roxalita Posted: Jun 19, 2003 08:33 AM

Re: Catholic brides

Have you tried a parish that a family member lives in? We're getting married in the parish where my parents live, but we don't live there. It's a really tiny church by the beach in Queens. I think we're the only wedding there all year! The pastor (who is also the only priest!) was happy to marry us. My parish gave me a letter of permission without even asking me a question. Fi's parish was a different story. First they told me that I had to be 'registered' (paying money every week!) in the parish for six months. Well fi hasn't been inside a church in years. Then when they realized the letter was for him, they told me that only the bride needs permission to be married outside her parish, not the groom. I find it interesting from reading thesse boards how every Church seems to have different procedures as far as pre-cana, permissions, dress regulations, music, etc.

MayDay16 Posted: Jun 19, 2003 08:48 AM

Re: Catholic brides

I had no problems with this. My MIL is in a wheelchair and my church was too far from my FH house, I didn't like his church so we got married in St. Matthew's in Dix Hills. Monsignor McDonald was very nice and my parish priest at first was a bit annoyed but I explained the situation and what could he do. The only downside of this was that my name didn't appear in any 'Wedding Banns'. Good luck!

roxalita Posted: Jun 19, 2003 09:19 AM

Re: Catholic brides

Another thing I just remembered. I was discussing things like this with my cousin, who is a priest in another state. He said that the church naturally wants you to consider the religious ceremony the most important part of the day. Some priests get put off when people who they've never seen before and will probably never see again, with no attachments at all to the parish, want to get married at that church because it's more convenient to the reception and the party part of the day. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that is how some priests feel. They want you to reserve the church first, then pick a reception site. So when priest asks you why you want to get married there, it's probably not a good idea to mention the reception, or convenience as your main reason.

jenny2penny Posted: Jun 19, 2003 09:23 AM

Re: Catholic brides

don't worry you just need a letter. I had that problem,,,,at first, but now I live in the area, so don't need the letter (hopefully the priest won't realize my address is the same as my FH )

Niecey Posted: Jun 19, 2003 09:29 AM

Re: Catholic brides

I had no problems with this. DH and I are not a member of any church. We wanted to get married in the church my mom goes to (not where DH nor I lived at that time or anytime). I went in and they asked my why I picked this church and I told them it is my mom's church and that was about it. I did Pre-Cana thru them as well (it is only about a 30 min drive from where we live).

I just had to get a release letter from my current church. This was what I was most worried about being DH and I lived together and had never once attended mass in the local church for the 2 years I lived there. So I put this on DH's to do list...at first the receptionist was very rude to him but he asked to speak to the pastor and he gave no problem at all.

KathleenG Posted: Jun 19, 2003 09:32 AM

Re: Catholic brides

Thanks ladies for the feedback! I never realized how hard it is to get married being Catholic LOL! I agree with all of you, there are hassles involved! I am from NYC and hoping to get married in the church that my parents did in LI! This, so far, has been the hardest part of my planning! I am also getting married over a holiday weekend (on a Sunday) which makes it harder to coordinate!

Nav023 Posted: Jun 19, 2003 11:12 AM

Re: Catholic brides

OK.... how about this situation.... Bride was raised Catholic and had her baptism and first communion.. that's it. And the groom was baptised in a Protestant church. Both have attended Catholic church off and on throughout their lives. Is City Hall or Las Vegas and Elvis the only option???? Help.

rosebud Posted: Jun 19, 2003 12:07 PM

Re: Catholic brides

I had no problems either - get a place you are comfy and they are willing to accept you.

My mom is jewish, my dad is protestant. I was not even baptized. Nada. Raised protestant if you can even say that.

FH is Catholic. Baptized and communion, but no confirmation.

We do not belong to a parish, nor does his mom, etc. We found a beautiful church, met with a wonderful Deacon who approved to marry us.

We want to raise our children Catholic, and that is what mattered to them most.

Good luck! Like I said, find a place you feel comfortable with.