Catholic wedding prep - other than precana, what 'counseling' is required?

I was raised Catholic and my family remains somewhat religious (Church-goers who support the parish). My FH is not Catholic.

We will be getting married in a Catholic church (with no mass, though, since no one on his side is Catholic), and I realize that some extent of pre-marital 'counseling' or preparation is involved - other than precana.

I've heard varied stories on how it goes. One of my brothers had a horrible experience (they were separated and asked extremely personal questions), though no one else in my family appears to have had a bad experience. Can anyone tell me what is involved other than precana to get married in the church? Please ease my mind that it's not so terrible. I'm not extremely religious, but I do want to get married in the church.

I also realize that problems abound since we're living together... but I know a few people who still managed to get married in the church even though they lived together.

When FH and I met with the Deacon he didn't bat an eyelash when we mentioned that we lived together. And as far as answering questions separately, we were asked things like, 'Are you entering this union at your own will?', 'Do you plan on raising your children as Catholics?', 'Are you aware of any counsling outside of the church that your future spouse has taken part in?'
They were really generic questions.
We also were required to do FOCCUS... it's basically 150 questions that you answer (agree, disagree, uncertain) and then they run the answers thru a computer program and they see how many questions you and your FH answered the same... it basically opens up the lines of communication between you about things you may never have talked about. That's not a requirement in all churches though. Whomever you meet with at your church will tell you what you need to do in order to get married there.
HTH... good luck.

Thank you.

I like to be prepared for these things. After 12 years of Catholic school, you'd think I'd have SOME idea!

I am in the same boat (almost). I went to Catholic school for years and my family is practicing Catholics. John is not nor is his family. I was freaking out when we made the appointment to meet with the priest.

It was sooo easy!

He sat us together and spoke to us like adults. We never mentioned that we lived together and he never asked. He went through a list of 'must ask' questions from the church but never separated us. It was a fabulous experience. I spent a week coaching FH on what the 'right' answers to the questions were. Premarital sex: no, as many kids as God blesses us with: yes ....No need, it was great.

I went to St. Raymonds in East Rockaway so I can not speak for other churches.

Good Luck!

It sounds like you two were doing exactly what we've been doing!

I'm glad to hear people had positive experiences. I'm hoping my brother's 'horrible' experience was just a fluke... and after all, they survived. It was just uncomfortable for a little while!

Another question on the Catholic wedding preparation - Was pre cana mandatory for you?

I know everyone in my family went, and I believe it was required.

you cannot get married in a church with out precana.

my FH became catholic shortly after we started taking about getting engaged. Our pastor was wonderful when we went to our appointment, and we're going to precana in october.

Pre-Cana is REQUIRED by the Catholic Church if you plan to get married in the Church. Since you are an inter-faith marriage, a dispensation is needed (paperwork that the priest will take care of, but the non-Catholic needs to sign.) By signing the dispensation, the marriage will be recognized as a Sacrament for you. Also, by signing, your FH agrees to raise all children that may be born to be raised as Catholics.

When you meet with your priest or deacon, all of this will be explained to you . it's not scary or terrible....and really just prepares you for the receipt of the Sacrament.

good luck

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Posted by donegal419

Pre-Cana is REQUIRED by the Catholic Church if you plan to get married in the Church. Since you are an inter-faith marriage, a dispensation is needed (paperwork that the priest will take care of, but the non-Catholic needs to sign.) By signing the dispensation, the marriage will be recognized as a Sacrament for you. Also, by signing, your FH agrees to raise all children that may be born to be raised as Catholics.

When you meet with your priest or deacon, all of this will be explained to you . it's not scary or terrible....and really just prepares you for the receipt of the Sacrament.

good luck

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I think your FH will also have to have the 3 sacraments before marraige of they wont marry you ... Confirmation , Communion & Baptisim..

Both my brother and my cousin married non-Catholics who did not convert. I am 100% positive he does not have to convert.

Are you saying he has to have received these sacraments in another church?

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Both my brother and my cousin married non-Catholics who did not convert. I am 100% positive he does not have to convert.

Are you saying he has to have received these sacraments in another church?

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In order for the church to marry you both .. you both should have had or will have to have the 3 Sacraments .. I would call your church just to confirm that..

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Both my brother and my cousin married non-Catholics who did not convert. I am 100% positive he does not have to convert.

Are you saying he has to have received these sacraments in another church?

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not at all....you can marry a non catholic in a church without having that person convert. It must be agreed upon that children will be raised in the catholic faith.

I did a little research, and I believe this is the applicable canon law today:

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Can. 1125 The local Ordinary [Bishop] can grant this permission [for a 'mixed marriage'] if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions are fulfilled:
1° the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church;
2° the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party
3° both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either contractant.

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Someone can correct me if I am wrong, though...

I do know that he does not have to convert. I'm 100% positive on that. He technically does not even have to be Christian, though he happens to be.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I did a little research, and I believe this is the applicable canon law today:

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Can. 1125 The local Ordinary [Bishop] can grant this permission [for a 'mixed marriage'] if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions are fulfilled:
1° the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church;
2° the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party
3° both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either contractant.

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Someone can correct me if I am wrong, though...

I do know that he does not have to convert. I'm 100% positive on that. He technically does not even have to be Christian, though he happens to be.

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Nope you are correct....

To clear the confusion for 'Kara and Todd'

Like I said in my previous post: her and FH MUST attend pre-cana. They run inter-faith Pre-canas and FH still has to attend even though he is NOT catholic.

Because it is an inter-faith marriage, FH does NOT have to convert, although a dispensation must be filled out on behalf of the non-catholic. (The dispensation and other paperwork is easier if he is another Christian denomination. If he is jewish or something else non-christian, the process is a little more in depth, but still possible). SInce he is not Catholic, it is NOT required that he receive the three other sacraments: baptism, commuion and confirmation. If he is christian though, they may ask for baptismal information. the non-catholic promises to raise the children Catholic.

again, this is all only required if you want to get married in a church by a priest for the marriage to be recognized as a SAcrament for Kara.

hope this makes sense! good luck! your priest or deacon will explain all of this to you!