Changes, we all go through them!!

FH;s family does!

But we always discuss where to go for holidays - my parents ask us 2 weeks to a week prior - and then we go to his family and ask if they are doing anything - they say no or i dont think so - we havent decided - then my parents keep asking as the days go by - bc they want to buy - so i talk to FH and we decide my house - and then the day before his fam decides to do something!

Its annoying!

we always split xmas and eve always works out since xmas eve is big on FHs side and Xmas day is big on myside.

as for other holidays we switch. If we were with FHs family for Thanksgiving this year then next year we will be with mine

im sure this will all change when we get married.. but we will face that when it comes (since i hope to be able to host and have both sets for some holidays)

But my parents are classic for lwhat i call KEPPING COUNT. like if i was at FHs sat and sun this week they expect him to be here sat and sun next week.. i dont even think about it but they realize it. Its def hard to try to accomdate everyone, maybe she is just feeling strange about making a decision.

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Posted by madseason

FH;s family does!

But we always discuss where to go for holidays - my parents ask us 2 weeks to a week prior - and then we go to his family and ask if they are doing anything - they say no or i dont think so - we havent decided - then my parents keep asking as the days go by - bc they want to buy - so i talk to FH and we decide my house - and then the day before his fam decides to do something!

Its annoying!

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I hear ya, Lindsay!!! I was hurt, that I kept asking my Daughter, and she kept telling me she had a ham, and was going to cook at home. Then, whiz, bam, thank you maam, ' Josh's Mom just called, and we're going there!!' What!!!???? That's what I thought, but I tried to be polite. I'm getting annoyed with a certain person, not my Daughter, because of other things that have been going on. Let's just say that someone is a pooper when it comes to being in agreement with our Daughter, on what she wants to do. I do believe in compromise. But I also see my Daughter, who feels badly about trying to please everyone!! I'm doing some serious praying about this!! Sorry, girls, I'm human. Mary MOB

We're working on figuring out our holiday schedule. So far it's not bad.

They way my family has always done it, with my dad's side, has been 'in-years' and 'out-years' and we only count the 3 major holidays, Easter, Thanksgiving & Christmas.
For example:
Thanksgiving was an 'in-year' all the Lynches get together
Christmas: 'out-year' (so we usually see my moms family or just have a quiet dinner at home
Easter: 'in-year' so Lynches will all get together
Thanksgiving will be an 'out-year', etc, etc

FH and I are pretty much working into the same schedule, 'inyears' with my family then the 'out' hlidays with his family

We're having Easter at my parents and then we are having Passover at his parents, so we're even. (FH step-dad is jewish this will be my first Passover dinner)

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Posted by jgl

we always split xmas and eve always works out since xmas eve is big on FHs side and Xmas day is big on myside.

as for other holidays we switch. If we were with FHs family for Thanksgiving this year then next year we will be with mine

im sure this will all change when we get married.. but we will face that when it comes (since i hope to be able to host and have both sets for some holidays)

But my parents are classic for lwhat i call KEPPING COUNT. like if i was at FHs sat and sun this week they expect him to be here sat and sun next week.. i dont even think about it but they realize it. Its def hard to try to accomdate everyone, maybe she is just feeling strange about making a decision.

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Gina, I appreciate your input. I don't want to be a meany, and I'm watching my words to my Daughter, re:this, but it does irritate me. Maybe because I have other close relatives, who when they married into the family I grew up in, everything became about their family, and I've just learned to accept it, but it really hurts my feelings!!! Thanks for listening!! Mary MOB

it's a little easier for us because FH and I are different faiths so it's never difficult to decide where to go, clearly his irish catholic family will not be hosting this years passover seder It's also a little easier because FH is a stepchild and doesn't always get invited to his family's house for the holidays so we spend a lot more time with my family than his. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom that cares so much about her. She'll come around.

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Posted by chrissybean77

I think this is something many couples go through when it comes to accomadating both families. I'm sure they will sort it out, but try to keep in mind that for the couple it is hard trying to make sure everyone is happy. My mom kind of gets sad thinking about how I will no longer be there for x-mas morning and such, but in a nostoligic way. She realizes that I am beginning my own family now. We are lucky. FH has a small family so they spend Thanksgiving with us at my parent's house. X-mas we split and well Easter we trade off. 2yrs ago we did his house, last year we did mine and so this year we will do his. I can't complain b/c there are some years he has to work holidays and I intend to spend those with my family. Things are going to change but it doesn't mean always for the worse. Good things can come from change. Give it some time, but if you really do feel that you are not getting your fair share of holidays, try to gently talk about it with her.

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Christine, I appreciate your input!! I don't mind at all, if Daughter and Grandson spend time with his family. But I feel we're being left out, and fear someday, if they marry, we'll never see Daughter and Grandson. I know that sounds dumb, but I also have seen the family dynamics in his family!! That's why I'm concerned. Sorry I can't be more specific. Mary MOB

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Posted by MikeandJess

it's a little easier for us because FH and I are different faiths so it's never difficult to decide where to go, clearly his irish catholic family will not be hosting this years passover seder It's also a little easier because FH is a stepchild and doesn't always get invited to his family's house for the holidays so we spend a lot more time with my family than his. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom that cares so much about her. She'll come around.

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Jess, some family situations lend themselves to making it easier concerning where to go on holidays. For example, with Husband's family being Amish, and the rules they follow about ex-Amish eating with them, we are not invited to eat with them, so that's always taken care of his side of the family. Thanks for your kind words, hon!! Mary MOB

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Posted by jeanne08

We're working on figuring out our holiday schedule. So far it's not bad.

They way my family has always done it, with my dad's side, has been 'in-years' and 'out-years' and we only count the 3 major holidays, Easter, Thanksgiving & Christmas.
For example:
Thanksgiving was an 'in-year' all the Lynches get together
Christmas: 'out-year' (so we usually see my moms family or just have a quiet dinner at home
Easter: 'in-year' so Lynches will all get together
Thanksgiving will be an 'out-year', etc, etc

FH and I are pretty much working into the same schedule, 'inyears' with my family then the 'out' hlidays with his family

We're having Easter at my parents and then we are having Passover at his parents, so we're even. (FH step-dad is jewish this will be my first Passover dinner)

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Jeanne, bless your heart!! That sounds complicated!! But blessings on you for trying to accommodate!! Mary MOB

FMIL argued this point just yesterday. Her argument was that FH and I spent Thanksgiving with my family in NJ and that she thought we should spend Easter with them. Although I politely kept quiet about the situation, FH and I spent Christmas and New Years with both of our families together because of this!
I also see FH entire family MORE than I see my immediate family and this is a known fact and I feel she is being quite selfish! She did finish off the night with do whatever you want!
I can't imagine where I would be in the wrong about this, but I am sure I will be if I do end up visiting my family!!



ETA: I also forgot to mention that at Thanksgiving last year FH nominated me to do all of this years major holidays because of this as well!!!

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by MikeandJess

it's a little easier for us because FH and I are different faiths so it's never difficult to decide where to go, clearly his irish catholic family will not be hosting this years passover seder It's also a little easier because FH is a stepchild and doesn't always get invited to his family's house for the holidays so we spend a lot more time with my family than his. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom that cares so much about her. She'll come around.

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Jess, some family situations lend themselves to making it easier concerning where to go on holidays. For example, with Husband's family being Amish, and the rules they follow about ex-Amish eating with them, we are not invited to eat with them, so that's always taken care of his side of the family. Thanks for your kind words, hon!! Mary MOB

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This explains EVERYTHING, I think FH's family is amish

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Posted by soon2bemrsdelrio

FMIL argued this point just yesterday. Her argument was that FH and I spent Thanksgiving with my family in NJ and that she thought we should spend Easter with them. Although I politely kept quiet about the situation, FH and I spent Christmas and New Years with both of our families together because of this!
I also see FH entire family MORE than I see my immediate family and this is a known fact and I feel she is being quite selfish! She did finish off the night with do whatever you want!
I can't imagine where I would be in the wrong about this, but I am sure I will be if I do end up visiting my family!!



ETA: I also forgot to mention that at Thanksgiving last year FH nominated me to do all of this years major holidays because of this as well!!!

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Marisol, sorry to hear about you having to cook everything!!!! I think you just said the magic words, ' I also see FH entire family MORE than I see my immediate family...' That's what concerns me. My Daughter's boyfriend has two Brothers and a Sister. The boys are close and my Daughter and Grandson spend more time with his Brother/Brother and wife/ his family than with us. I don't fuss about it. I just don't like feeling left out on holidays. Mary MOB

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by MikeandJess

it's a little easier for us because FH and I are different faiths so it's never difficult to decide where to go, clearly his irish catholic family will not be hosting this years passover seder It's also a little easier because FH is a stepchild and doesn't always get invited to his family's house for the holidays so we spend a lot more time with my family than his. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom that cares so much about her. She'll come around.

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Jess, some family situations lend themselves to making it easier concerning where to go on holidays. For example, with Husband's family being Amish, and the rules they follow about ex-Amish eating with them, we are not invited to eat with them, so that's always taken care of his side of the family. Thanks for your kind words, hon!! Mary MOB

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This explains EVERYTHING, I think FH's family is amish

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Maybe his family and my DH's are related!!!!! I tell you what, let's adopt each other and we'll have holiday dinners together!! Mary MOB

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by soon2bemrsdelrio

FMIL argued this point just yesterday. Her argument was that FH and I spent Thanksgiving with my family in NJ and that she thought we should spend Easter with them. Although I politely kept quiet about the situation, FH and I spent Christmas and New Years with both of our families together because of this!
I also see FH entire family MORE than I see my immediate family and this is a known fact and I feel she is being quite selfish! She did finish off the night with do whatever you want!
I can't imagine where I would be in the wrong about this, but I am sure I will be if I do end up visiting my family!!



ETA: I also forgot to mention that at Thanksgiving last year FH nominated me to do all of this years major holidays because of this as well!!!

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Marisol, sorry to hear about you having to cook everything!!!! I think you just said the magic words, ' I also see FH entire family MORE than I see my immediate family...' That's what concerns me. My Daughter's boyfriend has two Brothers and a Sister. The boys are close and my Daughter and Grandson spend more time with his Brother/Brother and wife/ his family than with us. I don't fuss about it. I just don't like feeling left out on holidays. Mary MOB

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This is why we combined Christmas and New Years with MY immediate family and his entire family (his entire family is basically immediate family that they see practically everyday) but I feel like if I don't make an effort for them my extended family misses out too.

i am in a very similar situation! my daughter has been VERY close to my parents since we have lived with them all of her life. she is 4 yrs old. when DH came into the picture we started to spend lots of time with his family. my daughter is the 1st grandchild on both our sides, so it gets tough sometimes. but what we have been doing is splitting the holidays up. we will see one side (DH's) the day before the holiday, one side (mine) the day of and then my daughter spends the day after with her father and his family. (or we switch the order around however it works best for everyone).. that is how we are doing easter this year though. HTH

ETA~ for christmas and some other holidays we will split the day in half between mine and DH's family. my family does things much earlier than his so we will go to his mom's in the evening.

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Posted by kBr

i am in a very similar situation! my daughter has been VERY close to my parents since we have lived with them all of her life. she is 4 yrs old. when DH came into the picture we started to spend lots of time with his family. my daughter is the 1st grandchild on both our sides, so it gets tough sometimes. but what we have been doing is splitting the holidays up. we will see one side (DH's) the day before the holiday, one side (mine) the day of and then my daughter spends the day after with her father and his family. (or we switch the order around however it works best for everyone).. that is how we are doing easter this year though. HTH

ETA~ for christmas and some other holidays we will split the day in half between mine and DH's family. my family does things much earlier than his so we will go to his mom's in the evening.

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I'm still awake so I thought I'd post some more!! Hi, Kristen!!!! Your situation is very much like ours from what I've just read. The difference is we don't have a third party, Grandson's Dad in the mix. It sounds like you're trying really hard to be accommondating. Hat's off to you, hon!!! Mary MOB

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Posted by Annoulak

FH's parents are in their mid-70s to early 80s, and my parents are in their mid-60s...so my parents are more into going out when they can and doing things, whereas FH's parents tend to stay at home and well, do nothing. His parents also don't like to go to other people's houses for holidays which bugs the heck out of me because that means that we have to split our time between our two families rather than have them all in one place at the same time. It's a trend that I'm not happy about because when we're marreid and living together, they may expect us to always go to their house for holidays, which isn't fair to me and my family...UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!

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What a lovely idea, Anna, to bring both families together on holidays!! Wish that could be an option for us!! I know Donna says when she gets a house, she wants all of us to eat with them!! I can't wait!! Mary MOB