Children at Reception Problem

debbiedee77 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:10 PM

Children at Reception Problem

My FH and I decided not to have children at our wedding. This has caused a problem with his mother and sister. His sister is due with her baby on 7/2. Our wedding is 9/17. She is insisting on coming with her baby and bringing him/her to church and reception. MIL basically said if she cannot come with her baby, then FH sister and husband will not come either. She said that I will have to deal with the consequences of my decision. I honestly don't think that a 8pm - 12am wedding reception with an 8 piece band is a place for a 2 month old baby. They are using the excuse that it is a newborn and she needs to be close to him/her for breast feeding. She can't be without him/her for 4 hours???? I seriously think this will upset some people in my family who are coming without kids. I don't know what to do! Also, this wedding will be the first time that everyone in FH family sees the baby, including FH mom and dad and us, on our wedding day. Call me selfish but I do feel like it's taking away from our day. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

TogetherForever Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:14 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

wow...difficult situation! I really think that she should get someone to watch the baby. She can just pump the milk into bottles and have it ready for the baby to drink. My cousins do it all the time. If you made a rule that NO kids can come, then it should remain that way! You are not wrong!
Good luck!!

lillian771 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:17 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. My sister-in-law will be due a couple of months before our wedding, and she decided herself that she wouldn't want to bring the baby because she wants to be able to enjoy herself. My fiance and I don't want kids there either, and I think people should respect that. I think his sister is the one being unreasonable.

wenndypoo Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:18 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It is your wedding, you have every right to decide to include children or not. And like you said, allowing one persons child and not the other may cause some resentment.

You are not being selfish, it is one day out of your life that shoulod be all about you. Your FSIL has plenty of days to make it all about her kid! They should not be trying to push you around like that.
You could try explaining this to her. If she still says they won't come, tell her nicely that you are sorry to hear it, and they will be missed!

I can't believe she threatend (sp?) you! What does she mean by 'the consequences of your decision'??? That would send me over the edge.
Some people! Hmph!

Seriously, it's a tough situation, good luck.

WithThisRing Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:19 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

lilqtny Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:26 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

You are NOT unreasonable THEY ARE. that is NO place for a two month old to be and you are to be the center of attention that day.

It's not fair that you will have to answer questions like 'they brought their baby why couldn't I'

LoriH Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:33 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

What makes a person think an evening wedding is an appropriate place to bring an infant? I understand it is really hard to leave a newborn even for just four hours but come on it is not fair to the child. Sorry hopefully you find a way to get through to them..

janet Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:37 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

my sister in law just had a baby on the 21st of jan! trust me when i say from exsperance(sp) too that by then she will want a break! as for the breast feeding part i woked in a mother baby unit at stony brook hosp. and most mom there who where breast feedng did at times have to use a bottle! it will not hurt nor confuss the baby for that one night to use one! and if they still give you a problem tell them that it can hurt the baby ears if a band who is playing they would not want to bring that baby! i am sorry you are going throw this but are they first time parents/ if so then tell them what i said! they really should be there for you and your fh!

Jo Ann Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:44 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

There is no need for a 2 mth old to be at a wedding. Babies that age do not have a imune system like the rest of us do and I personally don't think they should be exposed to all those people to begin with.

But besides that you would think that she would have enough common sense to say that this is your day and that the family can see the baby at another time. If she wants every one to see the baby maybe she can bring the baby to the cermony and they can see the baby there while you are doing your receiving line. And then the baby goes home to his bed with a trusted adult.

My sister is due 3 mths before my wedding and my brother in laws aunt already offered to come and watch the baby that weekend b/c she knew we were going to be running around for a few days. My sister who is neurotic (SP?) to begin with had no problems with it since she is also a nurse. Depending on the weather (I have a Jan Wedding) I may have them bring the baby to the church so family can see her and I can take a pic with my neice or nephew.

debbiedee77 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:49 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

I made it known that it is fine to bring the baby to the ceremony and to my parents house for the 3 hours inbetween the ceremony and reception. I offered my parents house as a place to watch the baby during the reception........my house is 5 minutes from the reception hall in case she is needed, but I don't think she is willing to compromise. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for the advice!

bizzybridesmom Posted: Feb 28, 2004 12:56 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

Can you gently point out that it's probably not heathy for such a small baby to be exposed to so many people at once? I'd be surprised if the child's pediatrician didn't recommend against it. And, I too believe your FSIL is being selfish. Sounds to be like she thinks she's found the perfect time to show off her new baby.

september2004 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 01:05 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

she may change her mind once the baby is born so i would not escalate the issue at this time.

my biggest concern would be the kid screaming in the church (one of my BIGGEST pet peeves), so i would politely pass along such info. i can understand one not wanting children at the reception, however i personally would 'bend the rules' for family.

oakslady Posted: Feb 28, 2004 02:02 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

if you arent allowing children it has to be across the board and if they feel they cant come because of it that is their loss.

gaby25 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 03:37 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I don't know why it is such a problem with people not being able to bring their kids to a nightime event, especiall such a formal event as a wedding!!!! Has everyone forgotten what the heck a babysitter is? I am having only FH's six nieces and nephews there and that is only because he told me to would mean alot to him if they were there because they are close to him and I don't mind, but aside from the kids in the BP, I don't want no more kids and no one better even ask me!!!!!!
I think you should really sit down with FH and his family and talk with them seriously and if they still don't understand, then that's too bad for them. THE WEDDING MUST GO ON MY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MegLehner Posted: Feb 28, 2004 04:31 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

Had the same problem here. We didn't want any kids and then FH wanted to have his god daughter (which is understandable - so we have a rule no one under 14).
FSIL wanted to bring her baby (he will be 1 1/2 years old) and FILs said we should have the baby there. I said No Way - its my day and I dont want it. They even offered to dress the baby up in a tux, I was like ...'if you want to show off your baby have your own wedding.' I felt a little bad afterwards, but that is what i meant and i gotta say what is on my mind.

chris605 Posted: Feb 28, 2004 06:09 PM

Re: Children at Reception Problem

Can I just say - OMG.... I too am fighting with my brother aboutthis same thing - I asked my brother to be apart of our day and he said yes - vuring which both FH and I stated we werent having any kids in te wedding at at the wedding - ALL SIDES AGREED.... WELL now that its time for us to discuss tuxedos and things he springs on me that he doesnt go any where without his daughter - MIND you I have a sister with 4 kids and I am only having my oldest nephew there which is my godson which will be walking me down the aisle and he is also 14.... HE REALLY NOT A BABY.... And my sister was totally OK with having to get a babysitter for the other 3 - So now my brother refuses to be in the wedding or even come for that matter because we deceided a year ago we didnt wants kids at the wedding - SO my advise to you is - ITS YOUR WEDDING - IMO I dont think kids should be at a night wedding - Its just not necessary....

GOOD LUCK - I know how hard this is.....