Children at the Reception

Children at the Reception

Hey Girls....I am having a problem. Maybe I am making too big a deal of this but its bothering me. I have a very small family and all 3 of my young cousins are going to be apart of my bridal party. (BY the time we get married, the two boys will be 9 and 7, however my flower girl will be 2 years old.) They are the only children that I want in the wedding and that isnt a problem with fh. The problem is that his side of the family which is much larger then mine has about 5 small children in it. (when we get married they will be about 1 1/2-5) His mother is saying that they have to be invited. I have never heard of this...since when does the bride have to be forced into having very small children at her wedding. Last time I checked I was paying for this and I dont think that it is appropriate for small children to be there. I told his mother that this was not romper room and that I didnt think it was a good idea. She said that it was going to cause big problems with the family if they werent invited. She said that I should leave it up to the parents if they want to bring them. I dont understand why do I have to worry about caring about how they will feel if they dont really care about my feelings. SHe said that it wasnt fair that my family's kids would be there...but my argument to that is that they are in the wedding party and they should be there. In addition they are going to be older with the exception of one of them. I dont know what to do please give me some of your suggestions...am I making too big a deal of this???

Re: Children at the Reception

I'm not inviting children to my wedding either, but my side of the family we have about 5 kids and his side there are also a few so we're just having them attend since they're my first cousins and his niece/nephews. If you're only going to have a small number and they are in the IMMEDIATE family then I would invite them. But if you're going to have to invite his 2nd cousins child just because his mom wants them there, you have to explain to her that you would have to invite everyone as Mr&Mrs and Family and that is going to make the guest list explode.

May I ask who is paying for the reception?
If you and FH are then it is ultimately YOUR choice, but if his parents are chipping in then I would just consider adding the kids in .....

hope this helps

Re: Children at the Reception

UMMMM we are paying for the whole thing...his mother hasnt offered to pay for anything. Personally I cant see why a parent would want to bring their small children there...But she seems to think that its going to start a big problem in the family if the kids arent invited. I just have visions in my head of our first dance and some little brat starts screaming in the middle of it...(LOL)

Re: Children at the Reception

this is your wedding, and if you've decided that you don't want children there, you shouldn't be forced into changing your decision. certainly, the children in the bridal party should be there but why does that make it your responsibility to find a way to keep every child in the family entertained for the duration of your wedding??? we are inviting children to ours because we know some people would have a hard time getting there if they had to leave their children at home. but my family actually urged me NOT to invite children and made it very clear that it's not my responsibility to make a child-friendly wedding.

GL!!!

Re: Children at the Reception

I was trying to keep my guest list low so I wasn't planning on inviting my 2nd cousins children. There children range from 18-5 years old. I am inviting a 2nd cousin that lives in florida and I know that there is no way she can come up without her children and there will be nobody to watch them up here. Since I am inviting her children I know have to invite the other children because I don't want hard feelings. I also am giving my friends the options of bringing there children who are all under the age of 5. Some couples might opt not to bring there children figuring it's a night out without the kids. Did you ask your RH if they have a discounted price for kids under a certain age? If you tell them you only have a handful of kids they may give you a cheaper price on them.

Re: Children at the Reception

We are only inviting the kids that are in the wedding party which are my nieces from my side no other kids are invited. FFIL at first had a problem with this but I stuck to what I wanted and he got over it. Most people with young kids don't want to bring them anyways!! My sisters kids were invited to her friends wedding and by the end of the night her youngest was miserable and so was my sister! I think you should try to explain your reasoning to your FMIL and if she still doesn't understand then try talking to the people with kids and feel them out on how they feel about it..Good Luck!!!

Re: Children at the Reception

FMIL is really getting annoying...I dont have a problem with her and we get along very well...I really dont want this to change...However it seems as if his side of the family has had their share of problems in the past and they all feel strongly about children being invited. I really dont even know if its the kid thing that I am so mad about. (I am not paying $1 for food for them because they are all going to be under 2) I think that I am more annoyed because I feel like they are dictating to me when I can and cannot do. FOr example we were addressing out engagement party invitiations and she asked me if I was going to write family on one of the invitations (The kid is not even 3 months old) SO i told her NO WAY. WHy should this kid be there?? But she still keeps sticking to if your family is going tobe there then his family should be there too...

Re: Children at the Reception

Most brides do not want chidren outside of their bridal party to be invited. You are not wrong in wanting that, its normal. Family members can sometimes take offense to this request because they feel weddings are a family affair, the entire family should be included. That view is rather outdated but a lot of people still feel that way. Most people prefer to have a night away for the kids but for others it seems to much bother to find a sitter, so they'd like to bring them along. My suggestion is to make it clear on what YOU want and stick with it. Bending the rules to fit one family member over another may cause problems so don't go down that path.

Re: Children at the Reception

FYI.....if a child under 2 attends the wedding, most RH don't put a place setting for them, so you don't have to pay extra, but some RH's charge $10 per chair -- meaning the kid has a place to sit besides their parents lap but no food

Do what you want, its your wedding and you're paying for it and let FH know that HE has to let his parents know what you guys are doing, let him talk to his mom about it

Re: Children at the Reception

It's totally up to you...If you don't want them, be firm! My only advice would be to make sure this is a rule and don't include other peoples children; my FBIL didn't want kids, and his own niece didn't come, but there were MANY other children there and it realllllllllly p*ssed me and FH's family off because I almost didn't get to go to the reception because the babysitter flaked on his niece and I was waiting for my MOM to come and babysit her

But good luck!!!

Re: Children at the Reception

Re: Children at the Reception

Re: Children at the Reception

I have had a very similar problem. My three nieces are in my bridal party, but I want an adult only reception because 1) it is a very late reception and kids get tired 2) I am not paying for children to eat gourmet 3) I want the parents to be able to cut loose and have fun 4) I know if I allow 3 of my nieces to come, I am going to have to invite all the young cousins and I just don't have the money for it and 5) I just don't want children at the reception.

So I am allowing my three nieces to come to the cocktail hour, then arranging for a limo to pick them up and take them to the bridal suite to watch movies, and eat sweets.

Well my brother threw a FIT!!! We got into a HUGE fight because he wants his two daughters at the whole wedding. I put my foot down, said that it was going to cause more problems with the other side of the family, and the girls would have more fun watching movies and such then they would with a bunch of adults.

Then I found out that my other brother and the one with the two kids were going to be complete jerks and invite my nieces as their guests, trying to find a loop whole I suppose. Since they are not allowed to bring guests, I took care of that one. But it is was so hurtful, it really did strain our relationships which is lame because we were very close.

In the end I guess I am getting what I wanted, but it really s.u.c.k.s that my sister is completely understanding, but my brothers are just putting more stress on an already stressful time.

So i feel your pain. Just stick with what you want. It is your wedding, and what you want is what is important.

P.S. My brother told me to charge people to bring their kids, to cover the cost. Have you ever heard of a more tacky suggestion?

Re: Children at the Reception

I am in a simliar boat. We are having 2 small children in the wedding. Those were the only 2 children I wanted at the wedding. However, now my FH family (who lives out of town) will not be able to attend unless we invite the children. With that said now FH wants all the kids to be invited which brings the total number of children up to 9. Because this is his family I told him how I feel, which is that I do not want them there, and am now leaving it in his hands. I am letting him decide what to do. In the end, either way its not going to make or break my day. I wouldnt let it bother you too much. It will be the parents responsibity. I dont really even understand WHY you would want to bring kids to a wedding, but thats a whole other isssue! Good luck to you, and dont let it get you too down...thats what I am trying to do!

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I think I am at the point now of just throwing my hands up and saying that I dont give a hoot about it. There is really NOTHING that I can do at this point. I really dont want to start a huge thing over this...

Re: Children at the Reception

we arent having kids in the bridal party because there are none to invite!

we are inviting my first cousins because we are very close -- they will be 20, 17 (BM), 16, 15 and 7. There aren't really any young kids on FH's side either. As of right now none of our friends have kids, and with 6 months to go (as of today!!!!) we'd probably know if anyone was preg.

I guess the only people who might think they are bringing their kids are distant relatives but I think they know better. I guess we lucked out...

I don't think you are wrong to say no kids but the bridal party.

Re: Children at the Reception

Re: Children at the Reception

I had the same issues...DH's cousins all have kids...and there are lots of them...well i am NOT a kid person...neither is DH...we are not having kids of our own and did not want any at our wedding with the exception of our nieces/nephews who were all in the BP anyway...so in order to not hear crap we hired babysitters AND paid for them for any of the OOT guests with kids...they were at the hotel...case closed...and by the way...my motto throughout wedding planning was...'If you don't like it...you don't have to come'...stick to your guns...it's YOUR wedding!!!

Re: Children at the Reception

We had a no children rule....somehow I got swindled into having DHs nephew there and we made him our RB. There are alot more children on my side of the family, 14 aunt and uncles and each one has at least one child, most of them DID NOT want to bring their children b/c they are young-no ones feelings were hurt. We only had oneperson ask about their child and they brought her anyway

Truthfully if you want no children youhave to be firm and no exceptions. I was more upset after the wedding b/c everyone knew no children-and my uncle still brought his daughter and I didnt want anyone to be upset b/c they thought I allowed her there.

HTH. its a tough situation to deal with but almost everyone understood what it mean.

Re: Children at the Reception