co-workers and married life...

I just finished a not-so-great meeting with my coworkers.

I have a team of 10 colleagues who do the same job that I do, but in different geographic locations. We each work in an office with other people.

One of my colleagues told me that some of my office-mates commented that I'm anti-social because I don't go out to bars and get drinks with them after work.

When I said, 'I get along great with my office-mates, and I enjoy spending my free time with my family,' she replied by saying, 'you really do need to network and build those relationships.'

I repeated that I don't have the kind of cash that these people have to spend on drinks that I enjoy spending my free time with my family anyway.

She then asked that we remove the negativity from the discussion and try to be more positive.

After the meeting, I told our boss that I need to speak with her in private on Monday. I have a great relationship with my boss. She was recently married and is expecting a child.

I intend to tell her that our co-worker was extremely inappropriate by trying to plan my evenings for me. This is not the first time this type of thing has happened and I am extremely offended. Especially because these comments were made in front of 10 other people...

what do you all think?

i would have joked it off with 'well i've got a wedding to plan!'...

i would drop it. people are people and no matter what you say or do at this point they are going to think what they want to think. networking is important, but it is also inappropriate for someone to 'pressure you' into doing things outside of what you are paid to do.

by continuing the conversation with your boss you would just be drawing more attention to it and may make things worse by coming off as a 'tattle-tale' if anyone else finds out. it all depends on the relationship you have with your boss. gossip is what it is and will continue regardless. i would just play it cool and move on... at this point i would even go so far and tell this person that you will try to make plans to go out with them once the wedding chaos subsides (just to keep the peace)...

ETA: didn't realize your date came and went, i would then substitue the above with another 'excuse'...

It's an office discussion, - Your co worker brought up the subject in an inappropriate manner, HOWEVER, she DOES have a point. - Depending on the type of environment you work in, you may have no other choice but to have a few drinks here and there w/ your collegues. - Sometimes it's the ONLY way to move up the ladder
I understand you're upset and offended, but maybe she was trying to give you a heads up and help you out .........(Admitedly, she didn't have to do it w/ 10 other people) But I think discussing it w/ your boss is probably not the best idea. - Try to make it a point to stop for a drink once in awhile. - trust me it will make ALL the difference. - As 'ridiculous' or 'unnecessary' as that may seem to you, sometimes you just have to learn to play the game.

networking is one thing.....but expecting you to dedicate your time after-hours to drunken socializing is ridiculous. I think it was very inappropriate & I think the person who mentioned it may be jealous that you have something good to go home to.

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Posted by HearzBellz

I think the person who mentioned it may be jealous that you have something good to go home to.

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That is exactly what I was thinking. She is alone, and is VERY dedicated to her work. I think that part of the issue is that this woman is 13 years older than me, but we have the same job, same credentials and I recently got married. She is currently dating a married man and they don't get to see each other very often...

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Posted by Marisa&Brian

HOWEVER, she DOES have a point. - Depending on the type of environment you work in, you may have no other choice but to have a few drinks here and there w/ your collegues. - Sometimes it's the ONLY way to move up the ladder

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EXACTLY!!!!!!

This is important to do. This is how you get noticed at a job. Even if you think you do a great job... you will look 'lame' next to everyone else. When it comes time for promotions and perks to give out... its sad to say not networking like this may actually hurt your career.

Yeah i know it shouldn't be like this, but this is the way the real world is. Don't take it personally.

Go out and have a quick drink or two every now and then. You don't have to stay the entire night... but a quick hello is definitely a good thing to do.