Communication

Communication

I was always told to make 'I' statements instead of 'You' statements to avoid attacking, blaming, or anything like then but when I do this he tells me 'I always make it about me'
Talk about backfiring!!!!!!!!

Eg- I don't think I was clear about what I said and it upsets me because I think you are misunderstanding me.

'Oh YOUR upset because YOU dont want me to misunderstand YOU'

Re: Communication

Re: Communication

My FI says the same thing

Re: Communication

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Posted by VadersBride2006

I know what you mean, FH is extremely defensive all the time and I had to learn a completely new way of talking to him. Try saying things in third person, like:

'Sometimes people think someone is saying one thing when in actuality that person is saying something quite different. This may be what happened here.'

I know it takes a LOT of thinking and hard work to plan things out like that but it has worked wonders for myself and others I know who have tried it.

HTH!

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Thanks I will try this. Youre exactly right. I need to learn a new way of talking. God this is a lot of work

Re: Communication

Just say, 'You're an idiot' and end it. That's what I do. (At least it can't be construed as being about YOU!)

Re: Communication

We actually teach this to our kids at school. The model we use is ' I feel ______ when _______. I need _________. You can insert a little 'when you___________' so it's not always about yourself. :) It sounds corny and scripted and the kids have a really hard time with it. We try to get them not to be acusatory when they have problems with other kids or adults. Doesn't always work though. Good luck!