confused about FMIL

So, today I call my parents and my mom says she has a bone to pick with me. Apparently, she spoke with FMIL yesterday for the first time and FMIL gave the impression that she feels left out of the planning. Little background info - FH does not have a great relationship w/ his mom. I have met her maybe 10 times in our 6 year relationship. We do not spend any holidays w/ her except Xmas eve where we take her out to dinner. FH's family is really messed up! Never even met his brothers! Anyways, back to the wedding, I have asked fH to include fmil in things but he feels she should have no say. We picked everything w/out her. For example, when I asked for the guest list, it took 3 months to get to me w/ 20 people on it! She constantly asks FH when our wedding is even though the save the date is on her darn refridgerator. So, a couple weeks ago, she said she would give us 3000 to a honeymoon which we would be very grateful for. She tells my mom yesterday that she offered to pay for the flowers and stuff and I told her that stuff was already paid for (which it is halfway). I felt weird talking to her about money b/c I know her situation w/ money isn't the best. Anyways, my mom is mad at me b/c she feels I am leaving her out of this and she is very sensitive to this b/c my bro got married in Nov and she felt the same exact way! I don't want to leave her out, I just felt that she didn't want to have anything to do w/ it! Now that it is 4 months to the wedding, I don't know what to do! FH says that we should continue not including her b/c his relatinsihp is crappy! Any suggestions on what I should do? I am so darn confused!

Sorry so long, I have just been upset about this all day b/c I don't want to hurt anyones feelings!

This is a tough situation. I know you said FH doesn't have the best relationship with her, but has he ever asked her if she wants to be involved, and the level that she wants to be? Has she ever brought up her lack of involvement to you or FH? If not, in all honesty, I would continue as you have been. She's a grown woman, if she wants to play a larger role, then she needs to tell you herself, not leave it up to your mom. It also probably hit a nerve w/ your mom, since she was in a similar situation.

Hang in there. I hope it gets better!