Ok, I just opened my mail and now I've run into another bump in the road. Apparently I can't get married in my church or by the pastor unless FH and I sign a covenant agreeing to abstain from 'pre-marital relations.' Is this like this with every church? I had no idea that this was something we had to consider. And I'm not even talking about the catholic church here. Anyone else have this issue? My FH doesn't sound too receptive to this idea and quite honestly either do I.
Ronkonkomonga
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
I've never heard of that - what church is it?
Xelindrya
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
Burn me for this but...
Like who cares? If you had sex before you got engaged, was it a sin, if so then why now that you're committed to eachother is it wrong?
Knowing me and my hubby, if we were in the same place we'd sign it. Maybe do a lot of confessionals but I doubt we'd be able to just NOT have sex because a piece of paper says we wont.
Mind you, I'm agnostic and think this sorta thing is just silly.
Sorry, no offense meant. I know religion can be ultimate (my best friend is a prime example) but if you had sex already what difference does it make? God still loves you and I'm pretty sure understands. I don't understand this kind of thing.
halfpintny
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
It's a Methodist Church. I have had my issues with religion (now I am recalling why) but FH and I have regained some faith and wanted to have our pastor officiate at our wedding. This isn't even to get married IN the church (although clearly appies that way too). FH is completely opposed to 'fibbing'.
Xelindrya
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
Sorry hon, you guys gotta work this one out on your own. Religion is important, private, difficult and something only you can decide on.
Good Luck
Robinella
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
Never heard of that...I wouldnt get married there lol
chachou22
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
never heard of it we are getting married at a catholic church and the priest never mentioned anything of that sort good luck sweetie
prncssrachel
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Well, it sounds like you have to make a choice that essentially comes down to, which do you place more stock in...your faith to allow the church to dictate your private relationship, or your faith that you and your FH do the right things for yourselves in your relationship. Decide which one applies more and take it from there. JMO.
salsbride06
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
Just sign the agreement and still do the nasty. They'll never know. Unless they are going to sleep with you two at night!
Katherine121
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
There are a couple of things happening here as far as that church wanting you to sign an agreement not to have sex before marriage.
Number 1, while the church (any church) is a private organization and can establish its own criteria for membership, etc., asking someone to sign a covenant of abstinence is, in my opinion, (and I am a born again christian), an extreme invasion of privacy. Yes, God has given us the great gift of sex for committed marital relationships as it says in his word. But whether or not you decide to violate that command is between you and the Lord. I do admire your fiance's sincere heart in not wanting to lie by just signing the form and then 'doing whatever you want anyway.'
Number 2, the fact that you are even struggling with this means that you have regained some faith in God or it wouldn't even be a struggle. 'Doing confessionals' won't solve it either. Why enter a confessional to confess something you're probably going to repeat that same night and over and over again until you're back in the confessional again? That's not sincere repentance.
I wouldn't sign the form (1) because I wouldn't want to lie, and (2) because it is none of their business unless I make it so.
Stefanie
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
How dare a church say what you can or can't do!! I believe that is invasion of privacy. If you do sign it and then do wind up having sex, does it say in fine print that you're going to hell? Geez!
The church shouldn't complain. After all, they are getting a 'donation' from you on your wedding day, aren't they?
MamanDaddyof2
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
That would never work for us ...we already have 2 kids i think the church would know we were lieing...If you arent very religious why dont you change the church
ckgmwedding
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I had to edit my post after reading Katherine's since I felt it sounded mean. I think you guys need to talk about how much you would like to get married in this church and its significance to the both of you. Good luck
MrsJ
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Never heard of that before either. Can you cross your fingers behind your back while you sign the contract? LOL
Darcy
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
definitly have heard of it. My friends Niki and Matt had to sign one, was not a problem for them since they were waiting. Kevin and I just had a whole thing to read at first and it included a request to not have sex. We stopped a while ago because we where not sure if it was sinful. So we decided we could handle it and wait. Thus, it has not been a problem for us.
Elaina
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Re: Covenant agreement to abstain from sex
wow i never heard of it but it might m,ake the wedding nite more fun
lolita4life
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things like that is why i dumped my 'religion'
halfpintny
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Thanks for all the input. FH and I decided to find another church. The more I read the 'covenant' the more I felt that it was NONE OF THE CHURCH'S BUSINESS! I have even expressed to FH that I don't even want to go back to the church because I'm so offended. Now add 'church hopping' to the To Do List.
I was just concerned that other churchs had the same guideline and we would have a problem wherever we went but since most of you haven't had that problem I am sure it will all work out.
