Cute article on a Bad Bridesmaid
Have you ever heard about the bridesmaid who eloped with the groom? Of course, a wedding attendant doesn't have to steal your husband to qualify as a naughty bridesmaid. There are lesser crimes, committed by bridesmaids who are easily distracted or simply unsure of themselves. While there is plenty of advice about what to do if you are a bridesmaid being abused by a tyrannical bride, there is a little advice to brides about how to handle bad bridesmaids. I know, your own wedding party is perfect, but read on, just in case…
When choosing attendants, it might never occur to you that you could one day regret your decision. Wedding etiquette experts of days past insist that it is impolite to retract the invitation to be a bridesmaid. Easy for them to say. They probably never had to deal with the champagne-chugging, jealous, lazy, or sex kitten attendants some brides deal with these days.
Bad Girls
What exactly constitutes a bad bridesmaid? It isn't as though the job -- getting a dress fitted, going to prenuptial parties, gathering guests for the bouquet toss -- is all that difficult. Still, many brides complain that their bridesmaids are driving them crazy. First, let's clarify what does not constitute a bad bridesmaid. A bad bridesmaid is not someone who refuses to give you all of her time; she has a life, too. A bad bridesmaid is not someone who refuses to wear a lime green chiffon mini-dress that makes her butt look like a Mack truck; being made a fool of is not part of the deal. Finally, a bad bridesmaid is not someone who has gained a few pounds, or has a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder; no, a person's appearance is not cause to ditch them.
There are various types of below-average bridesmaids, many of whom can be tolerated. However, some bridesmaids are so bad that you may have to 'pinkslip' them, or ask them to step down, in order to save your wedding.
Tolerable
Ms. Lazybones. You've always considered her to be a generous, loving friend, so you assumed she would be the perfect maid of honor. The problem is, she hasn't lifted a finger to help. Try giving her some specific duties, rather than waiting for her to offer. She may just be distracted. While she may be a disappointment, laziness isn't cause for dismissal.
Ms. Unavailable. She's never home when you telephone, and she rarely returns your calls. She didn't even attend your engagement party, so what kind of a bridesmaid is she? In a word: unavailable. Her behavior may infuriate you, but being too busy isn't usually bad enough to send her packing.
Intolerable
Ms. Sex Fiend. Your best friend in the first grade has changed quite a bit in the last twenty-something years. Actually, she's become a little too 'friendly,' if you do say so yourself. She showed up at your engagement party in a cheap knockoff of Elizabeth Hurley's safety pin Versace, and openly flirted with the groomsmen, the caterer, and your 65 year-old father. You shudder to think what she might do if left alone with your fiancé. She's a ticking bomb waiting to explode. If you've got the nerve, gently lose her before she destroys your special day.
Ms. Lush. Your college roomie was always a barrel of laughs, but how could you know that she's been drinking barrels since then? She shows up drunk, slurs her words, and insults your grandmother with inappropriate jokes; she even passed out cold at your engagement party after skinny-dipping in the fountain! Fact: You are not a bad friend if you ask her to withdraw from your wedding party; you're only bad if you continue to subject your guests to her antics.
Ms. Green with Envy. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Some people can't bear the happiness of others, even if that happiness belongs to their best friend. Beware of the saccharin sweet maid-of-honor who turns into a green-eyed monster; she may very well sabotage your wedding. If it gets ugly, you have every right to kindly ask her to go away.
Avoiding the Bridesmaid Blues
Take the following precautions to heart and avoid getting stuck with a bad bridesmaid.
Don't ask anyone to be your bridesmaid too far in advance. Relationships change over time, and you may change your mind. Since it is impolite to retract an invitation of this sort, tread cautiously. Better to ask someone four months, rather than fourteen months, before the wedding, to avoid any regrets.
Only ask people you really want to be in your wedding. Here's a fact you may find shocking: You are not required to ask someone to be in your wedding just because you were in hers. You are also not locked into promises you made at a slumber party when you were 13 or when you had too many Tequila Sunrises at your first frat party.
Trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you not to ask a certain friend to be in your wedding, there is probably a reason. Don't ask until you are sure.
Giving The Bad News
Only extreme cases call for giving a bridesmaid the boot, but if it should come to that, be as gentle as possible. Honesty is usually the best policy. However, if you sense that the truth will make her 'Fatal Attraction' (bunny-boiling) vengeful, go ahead and make something up to appease her. If she has already paid for her dress, kindly reimburse her. A few hundred dollars is a bargain for a stress-free wedding day, don't you think?
In any event, keep in mind why bridesmaids exist in the first place. Certainly, they are lovely to look at as they precede the bride down the aisle in their wedding finery, but the real reason we include them is this: on a day as special as your wedding, you want to be surrounded by your closest friends.
When choosing attendants, it might never occur to you that you could one day regret your decision. Wedding etiquette experts of days past insist that it is impolite to retract the invitation to be a bridesmaid. Easy for them to say. They probably never had to deal with the champagne-chugging, jealous, lazy, or sex kitten attendants some brides deal with these days.
Bad Girls
What exactly constitutes a bad bridesmaid? It isn't as though the job -- getting a dress fitted, going to prenuptial parties, gathering guests for the bouquet toss -- is all that difficult. Still, many brides complain that their bridesmaids are driving them crazy. First, let's clarify what does not constitute a bad bridesmaid. A bad bridesmaid is not someone who refuses to give you all of her time; she has a life, too. A bad bridesmaid is not someone who refuses to wear a lime green chiffon mini-dress that makes her butt look like a Mack truck; being made a fool of is not part of the deal. Finally, a bad bridesmaid is not someone who has gained a few pounds, or has a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder; no, a person's appearance is not cause to ditch them.
There are various types of below-average bridesmaids, many of whom can be tolerated. However, some bridesmaids are so bad that you may have to 'pinkslip' them, or ask them to step down, in order to save your wedding.
Tolerable
Ms. Lazybones. You've always considered her to be a generous, loving friend, so you assumed she would be the perfect maid of honor. The problem is, she hasn't lifted a finger to help. Try giving her some specific duties, rather than waiting for her to offer. She may just be distracted. While she may be a disappointment, laziness isn't cause for dismissal.
Ms. Unavailable. She's never home when you telephone, and she rarely returns your calls. She didn't even attend your engagement party, so what kind of a bridesmaid is she? In a word: unavailable. Her behavior may infuriate you, but being too busy isn't usually bad enough to send her packing.
Intolerable
Ms. Sex Fiend. Your best friend in the first grade has changed quite a bit in the last twenty-something years. Actually, she's become a little too 'friendly,' if you do say so yourself. She showed up at your engagement party in a cheap knockoff of Elizabeth Hurley's safety pin Versace, and openly flirted with the groomsmen, the caterer, and your 65 year-old father. You shudder to think what she might do if left alone with your fiancé. She's a ticking bomb waiting to explode. If you've got the nerve, gently lose her before she destroys your special day.
Ms. Lush. Your college roomie was always a barrel of laughs, but how could you know that she's been drinking barrels since then? She shows up drunk, slurs her words, and insults your grandmother with inappropriate jokes; she even passed out cold at your engagement party after skinny-dipping in the fountain! Fact: You are not a bad friend if you ask her to withdraw from your wedding party; you're only bad if you continue to subject your guests to her antics.
Ms. Green with Envy. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Some people can't bear the happiness of others, even if that happiness belongs to their best friend. Beware of the saccharin sweet maid-of-honor who turns into a green-eyed monster; she may very well sabotage your wedding. If it gets ugly, you have every right to kindly ask her to go away.
Avoiding the Bridesmaid Blues
Take the following precautions to heart and avoid getting stuck with a bad bridesmaid.
Don't ask anyone to be your bridesmaid too far in advance. Relationships change over time, and you may change your mind. Since it is impolite to retract an invitation of this sort, tread cautiously. Better to ask someone four months, rather than fourteen months, before the wedding, to avoid any regrets.
Only ask people you really want to be in your wedding. Here's a fact you may find shocking: You are not required to ask someone to be in your wedding just because you were in hers. You are also not locked into promises you made at a slumber party when you were 13 or when you had too many Tequila Sunrises at your first frat party.
Trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you not to ask a certain friend to be in your wedding, there is probably a reason. Don't ask until you are sure.
Giving The Bad News
Only extreme cases call for giving a bridesmaid the boot, but if it should come to that, be as gentle as possible. Honesty is usually the best policy. However, if you sense that the truth will make her 'Fatal Attraction' (bunny-boiling) vengeful, go ahead and make something up to appease her. If she has already paid for her dress, kindly reimburse her. A few hundred dollars is a bargain for a stress-free wedding day, don't you think?
In any event, keep in mind why bridesmaids exist in the first place. Certainly, they are lovely to look at as they precede the bride down the aisle in their wedding finery, but the real reason we include them is this: on a day as special as your wedding, you want to be surrounded by your closest friends.
