Cute Jokes
Kids & Condoms
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'.
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see.', replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.'
'Cool!' says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks 'Then who are these for?'
'Those are for college men', the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy;' Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March...'
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Seven Ages of the Married Cold
1st year -- The husband says, 'Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from China Garden. I've already arranged it with the head nurse.'
2nd year -- 'Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?'
3rd year -- 'Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?'
4th year -- 'No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!'
5th year -- 'Why don't you take a couple aspirin?'
6th year -- 'You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!'
7th year -- 'For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store.'
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TOGETHER FOREVER
It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.
The mother said, 'I wonder why they never came down to eat?'
The groom's young brother said, 'Mommy, I think...'
'Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!' said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, 'I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up.
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day. The young lad once again said, 'Mommy I think...'
'Well, what is it that you think?' asked the mother rather testily.
'I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!'
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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'.
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see.', replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, 'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.'
'Cool!' says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks 'Then who are these for?'
'Those are for college men', the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy;' Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men, One for January, one for February, one for March...'
********************
Seven Ages of the Married Cold
1st year -- The husband says, 'Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from China Garden. I've already arranged it with the head nurse.'
2nd year -- 'Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?'
3rd year -- 'Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?'
4th year -- 'No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!'
5th year -- 'Why don't you take a couple aspirin?'
6th year -- 'You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!'
7th year -- 'For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store.'
************************
TOGETHER FOREVER
It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.
The mother said, 'I wonder why they never came down to eat?'
The groom's young brother said, 'Mommy, I think...'
'Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!' said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, 'I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up.
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day. The young lad once again said, 'Mommy I think...'
'Well, what is it that you think?' asked the mother rather testily.
'I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!'
