My father and his FI are getting married next week; almost one month after me. It was bad enough that the are getting married one month after me but it has gotten so bad around this second wedding!!! She is an awful person, a little primadonna and she treats my sister and I like Cinderella got treated. She is in her mid 50's and is treating this wedding like it is the be all end all society event. She is making my sister and I wear these hideous lavender and black gowns that I really don't feel comfortable wearing and never asked our opinion on it. She took her 2 daughters though to pick out the dress and of course, they feel comfortable. She asked her daughters to make the speech for her at my fathers wedding!!! My sister and I have to sit by quietly. She put her son in law in the wedding party and not my husband. He gets to sit down on the sidelines. And this is just sick!!! I just found a registry they set up at Bloomingdales! I feel like that is disgusting a woman with so much, at her age should have a registry. They have ammassed so much! Am I overreacting here? Or do I have any right to be upset? Second, what is appropriate to give to them? Something off the registry or cash, which I always give for weddings?
LIPrincess00
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Having a step-monster myself, I say you are not overreacting. But try to be happy for your father. Remember she may not always be his wife (not that I am wishing anything bad) but you will always be his daughter and he really needs you right now. As far as the gift, IMO, I would give her something off her registry. If she ever said anything I would use the excuse that since it was your dad getting married you didnt feel comfortable giving him money. When mine got married, I gave them something from Tiffany's because someone once told me that giving a parent cash is not proper (I dont really know about that). Hope this helps.
suven
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
You may think that my suggestion is horrible but I will preface it by telling you my story...
I too have a step-monster. She was very phony before the wedding, to win everyone's approval. But, deep down inside I had a feeling that she was a witch. I did't say anything becuase at the time I was only a kid and didn't think that anyone would believe me and I also wanted my dad to be happy and have a partner.
Well, let's fast foward 13 years:
I no longer speak to my father, as a direct result of this woman. I have been alienated from his entire side of the family. Growing up, everything was a STRUGGLE. There was A LOT of drama, VERY Cinderella-ish.
So, my suggestion is that you tell your Dad everything you wrote in this post. (Leave out the part that the dress is ugly, because you will just seem like a complainer). But, do tell him that you felt SO hurt that you and your sister weren't involved, but her daughters were. DO tell him that you are hurt that YOUR husband was left out, but her son in law is involved. Tell him you are worried and upset about this and tell him today!
Good Luck!
jenny2penny
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
I know it hard. My dad has had great girlfriends, but the one he ALMOST married was a piece of work. had major issues and thankfully he realized it before they got married. Be patient and thankful you are not a kid and have to live with her. smile, tolerate her and be happy that your dad is happy.
Maribelle7777
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Hi I have never had a step monster or a step parent at all so I don't really know what to say to you about that. It wasn't fair for her to exclude you from the dress picking. Do you think that maybe she thought you'd be too busy with your own preparations? I'm not taking her side but I was just wondering. Probably not since of the others unthoughtful things she did.
I hope that things get better! I would ask your dad what he thinks would be a nice gift. I think as his daughter maybe an actual gift and not money would be more appropriate.
NYCMeghan
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Marisa -
NO CASH. Emily Post would turn over in her grave!! Regift something from your wedding or registry it, but DO NOT give cash.
If it were me and my parent's 2nd wedding I'd probably buy them a Long Term Care insurance policy or enroll them in AARP. But I'm a biyatch and can admit that maybe that isn't appropriate.
Seriously though sweetie, she is a monster but your monster of a father is happy with her and at least it keeps him relatively out of your hair. And you are the ONLY person I know who took their BM's opinion into account in selecting the dress - you are way more modern than she is. As for TJ - not being in the BP gives him more room to cause trouble. Tell him to call Greg for ideas. Or check your table cameras....
Call me - I'm hitting grammercy/flatiron area today. I've got one appt near your territory - call my old cell as the new one is out of order.
LOVE YA!!
BIG HUGS!!!!
bizzybridesmom
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Don't get too upset with this whole thing. It's only 1 day & since you don't really like this woman, why do you care if you're not overly involved in her wedding? Don't let this affect your relationship with your father. Tell him you love him & want him to be happy & leave it at that. He has to live with her every day - you don't. Give a gift from their registry.
Sassyz75
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Extended families are tough. But you have to understand that this relationship and her behavior, as aweful as it is, has NO relation to the love your father has for you or your sister. Parents aren't perfect, and either are stepmothers. Maybe she is excited, maybe she is a beast.. who knows.
But stay calm, stay out of it, love your father, be pleasant to her- and enjoy YOUR newlywed times... you'll be fine.
Xelindrya
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
Lets see my step monster slapped me full face at our first meeting. You think I wanted this woman having my last name?
Pfft
'Mom' married dad when I was 11 very much against our wishes (my brother and I) I still hate her to this day.
I told my father I didnt want to see him married to this monster. I actually begged and cried. He did it anyway, but had the decency to do it at court without a ceremony. Second marriage for both.
Im 28 now. Still hate the woman. She considers herself the 'mother of the bride' Seeing as I hate my real mother even more, I really don't care what 'mom' calls herself.
Every other week or so I call my father and we talk.. usually ends up with 'I told you not to marry her so dont come b*tching to me now'.
He stays with her out of habit and the fact he's raising 3 kids (adopted) and feels they need a mother figure. Last I heard even THAT is turning out to be a bad idea.
You're not over reacting.
I'd probably buy nothing. My father knew how I felt. I never hide how I hate her. I wouldnt bother trying to be a hyprocrite and get them a gift (if it were my dad)
JMHO
Scoop
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
I know it is easier said than done but if your father is truley happy...then I would just try to be there for him and ignore her rudeness. If I were you, I would grab the microphone at the wedding and make a speech of my own too. Good luck with everything.
amyt324
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Re: Dad is marrying a horror!!! Would you be upset?
I'm kind of in a similar situation. My FI father is re-marrying in Jan, which they just decided like 2 mths ago (our wedding is in May). It was a little inconsiderate in my opinion but whatever. I just feel really sad for FI b/c I know he's already feeling sad that his mom will not be here to share his big day (she passed away 10 yrs ago but he was very close to her). Now he has to deal with his father re-marrying and her moving into his 'home'.
But I too need an idea for a shower/wedding gift. She did not register. They called it a 'personal shower' - but that's harder cause I barely know the woman.
