dad vent / upset

So my stepmom passed away back in March from cancer, then my cousin a month later. The year before my FH cousin passed away (he was supposed to be our best man) and then my grandma (dad's mom) passed away the very next day. Needless to say it has been a rough year and all these people will be missed very much during our wedding.

So we are doing a playbill style program, pretty elaborate but we are both creative and I'm a graphic designer, ect. It is full color and has about 20 pages in it. the first two pages are the normal run of events and then the rest is how we met, how we got engaged, pics from when we were little kids and pics of us together now. the back two pages are in memoriam pages for our lost loved ones. One page is a photo collage (sp?) of them all, then the page next to it is a watermarked version of the collage with a nice poem over it. very tastful. Then the back cover has a brief history of the Jewel Box (the floral observatory that we are getting married in) since we are having allot of NYC guests from out of town I thought it would be nice for them to know where they are at and why it is a landmark in St. Louis.

here's where the vent comes in. Dad lives in St. Louis and has not seen the drafts of this. So we mail him a final copy so that he can see it and also not be suprised or upset on the wedding day when he sees the in memoriam section. I called him tonight to ask him about it and he's like. Well.....it's different, I didn't know people put that much effort into programs these days.

ARE...YOU...SERIOUS..... no compliment on how nice it was or how the in memoriam section looked, just 'it's different'

Thanks, we have put allot of effort into this and considering it is your side of the family I get the talent from I thought he would have been more excited about it.

Whatever. ugh, it just makes me so mad, he really knows how to take the wind out of someone's sail.

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Posted by DrWho
I think these things are just a little below a dad's radar. Don't take it personally.

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Awww - sorry you didn't get the response that you expected. I can imagine that hurt a lot They sound awesome, but unfortunately she's probably right...as a dad it was probably just below his radar...I'm sure it wasn't anything personal or intentional

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Posted by DrWho

My wedding will be the first time my father has ever seen a wedding program in his life. I think these things are just a little below a dad's radar. Don't take it personally.

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agreed! i know the whole program means alot to you, but u can't let what ur dad said bother u(i know easier said than done) ...it's totally below a dad's radar, and he's a guy! They just think and talk differently than us girls ;) ...And u should take what he said as a compliment...the 'wow i didn't know people put so much work into these things' is probably his was of saying 'wow! u worked really hard on this..it's great & i couldn't have seen myself putting in all this effort......' I'm sure what he said wasn't meant to be personal or intentional...and i'm sure he'd feel really bad if he knew it made u feel this way! no worries girl - i know u were looking for a little more enthusiasm, but try not to let it rob your joy!

Wow, sounds like you did a super program! I'm sure they are awesome!

Unfortunately, it's time to realize a few things about wedding planning now. First, I'm SURE he didn't mean it that way. It IS different and most people aren't as creative as you and aren't able to put that much effort into it. Weddings are a lot different than they were when our parents got married -- a lot of what people do now IS different to him. It sounds lovely and I'm sure your dad was touched by it... he probably just isn't used to seeing it that way and isn't quite sure how to react. Men aren't great at those things.

Next, no one, I repeat NO ONE, not even our parents, will ever be as excited about our wedding day and all the little details as we are. It's a simple fact of wedding planning. As much as we'd LOVE them to fuss over everything we do, no one will be as excited or think it's as cool and awesome and amazing and thoughtful and generous as we do. Does it suck? Sometimes, yes, but we can't force these other people to be more excited about it.

Don't put too much stock into what other people say or don't say about all the little details you show them. It was definitely great that you shared it with him ahead of time. You just can't expect a grand reaction to everything. Trust me, many of us learned this lesson the hard way. If you just accept it and know that what you are doing is unique and wonderful to YOU and that people will appreciate it in their own way, you'll take some of the unnecessary step out of the wedding planning.

Don't be upset.

My Dad is not one to show emotion. I would probably get the same response from him as you did from yours. It is frustrating.

I have no idea how he feels about me getting married and leaving him alone. - My Dad lives with me since my Mom died, but I will be moving out and leaving him my apartment.

The most important thing is that you like what you did, and I am sure that others will tell you how different and wonderful your program is.

Thanks ladies for all the good advice.

I guess he could tell that I was disapointed when we got off the phone. he called back about an hour later and said that he sat down and read the entire thing and he said it was awsome and creative, ect ect.

That makes me feel better but it still *****. I don't know why it suprised me but he does this whenever something is going on. usually over looks something that is important to me or dismisses it. Dad's are hopeless sometimes.

Awww I am so sorry you're upset

My dad is the same way; completely oblivious! I am sure he didn't mean any harm by it, but it would have been nice if he'd showed you he cared! Don't sweat it too much, everyone else will love and appreciate all the effort you put into it

Don't sweat it too much. Dad's are like that. I was looking at a beautiful old mansion as one of my RH's and my dad was in town and looked at it with me. His response? 'Why do you want to get married in somebody's old house?'
He couldn't see the beauty and charm in it that I could. Long story short....he's a guy....and an older one at that....they never get it.
You program sounds WONDERFUL! Full of love and creativity, and I hope you will share pics of it with us soon! I'm dying to see it now!

Cheer up chickie! The 'brides' are here for ya!

Your program sounds awesome but in defense of your dad and most older parents I will say this; thye have NO CLUE what modern weddings are like unless they have been to several in the last few years. I ran into this with my mom, my mil, my aunts and basically all adults who hadnt been to 'modern' weddings. They were appalled at the priecs things cost nowadays, shocked that brides and grooms see one another at weddings and they really didnt love that we were GASP! KISSING in some of our engagement pics. Its a totally different generation and unfortunately I realized there is an ENORMOUS GAP so the things we love and do now they may like, but nto necssarily understand. LOL like older folks and the internet and instant messaging. It throws them off. I m sure your dad loves you. It was just a little bit of culture shock.

I mean my mom was uncomforable with our TY cads because one showed kissing and the other we weren't looking at the camera. she said it wasn't 'traditional' I am sure thats all it was with your dad. Don't sterss because it will happen again over something else, with him or someone else.