Have any of you ever told a BM not to be in your party anymore?
I asked my BMs to be in my party the day after I got engaged. I know, in hindsight that was a huge mistake on my part.
One of my BMs, I know for two years in grad school. The problem now is I don't feel very close to her. She left to Europe to study, we barely email and never speak on the phone.
She never did anything or said anything bad to me... (not enough to warrent drama at least). I just feel like I may not keep in touch with her after the wedding.
About a month + ago, I emailed her about getting her BM dress and she never responded. So I figured we grew apart, and she didn't want to be in my party anymore. She just emailed me asking again how to order the dress.
What do I do? Any suggestions welcome!!! I feel torn because I already asked her, but also I don't really feel like she's one of my closest friends (which I think the bridal party should be)...
wo0shply
Posted:
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
this is not an easy thing to do. I would email her and ask if she is really busy because of grad school and if you want to un-ask her I would say something along the lines of,
I have a feeling you're really busy with school and getting adjusted to school and living in another country. I was wondering if all this and being a bridesmaid is causing added stress, if it is i understand if you want to step down.
Dont know if you want to take that route.
maryana
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
thats good. She acknowledges that she's been really busy. I just feel akward and mean saying-- 'I changed my mind, can you not be in the wedding party?' especially when she hasn't done anything explicitly wrong.
wo0shply
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
maybe changing the step down part to I understand if you dont want to be in my wedding party.
Debrian2009
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
What a tough situation; it's understandable you feel bad because she didn't do anything specifically.
Maybe you can see if she is interested/wanting to be party of it considering she is living out of the country. It would be harder for her to come for your shower; and just see if it may be too expensive for her to travel so far.
My FSIL had asked me to be her MOH after I only knew her for 5 months. It was fine with me and I was excited (it's a shame she didn't have any other closer friends)...UNTIL she made a rude comment about me not cancelling an appointment I had to go with her to get her silk flowers...and at that point, I backed out myself.
I wanted to be there for her, yet at the same time, she also needed to respect me and my schedule; there was no sort of compromise.
I would seriously talk to your friend about it and hopefully you two can make an arrangement; maybe if she isn't a BM but still coming to the wedding you can make her a part of the day in some other way.
maryana
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
Thank you so much for all the helpful insight!
I think I just need to be honest with her and tell her how I am feeling before she gets the dress... otherwise that would be rude!
NYMETBRIDE
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
If you asked her to order her dress over a month ago, you can say that they have already been ordered. She was the one who didn't follow up, so maybe it can be on her...I'm in a wedding a few weeks before yours and had we not ordered our dresses when we did we would have been charged extra for a rush fee. Sometimes dresses are discontinued etc. Maybe you can just say that when she didnt respond you thought she wasn't able to be apart of your bridal party? Can you tell I hate confrontation??? LOL
maryana
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
I despise confrontation!
LaurenJosh
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
Posted by maryana
I despise confrontation!
Me too! I would probably just leave it alone and have her in the bp. If you lose touch afterwards, then you lose touch. At least you didn't have to ask her not to be in it which is very awkward.
JillandJoe
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
you could ask her to do a reading or something smaller so she doesn't feel bad. if u do de-bridesmaid her you should explain that u need to be able to get in touch with u bms and she didn't respond for over a month...
goodluck!
jesca
Posted:
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
oh my god, i'm going through the same thing! only mine is one of my MOHs and she;s using money as an excuse, even though nothing has been mentioned of any money out of her pocket, and she's also going to europe for two weeks in three months. i read in some article in the knot that basically unless they've done something unforgivable, you dont un-ask them. but if you need anyone to b1tch and vent to and you dont want to do it in a thread, i'm here and can totally relate
maryana
Posted:
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
Posted by jesca
oh my god, i'm going through the same thing! only mine is one of my MOHs and she;s using money as an excuse, even though nothing has been mentioned of any money out of her pocket, and she's also going to europe for two weeks in three months. i read in some article in the knot that basically unless they've done something unforgivable, you dont un-ask them. but if you need anyone to b1tch and vent to and you dont want to do it in a thread, i'm here and can totally relate
Thanks! Thats tough to go through with a MOH! Right back at you if you need anyone to vent to.
I think its a tough situation and now I understand why you wait to ask your bridal party...
Sweeteey51
Posted:
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Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
If she asked how to order the dress then she still thinks shes in it so why not leave it that way? If you de-ask her, i highly doubt you two will be friends.
MrsInglima
Posted:
Member since
Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
Posted by maryana
Have any of you ever told a BM not to be in your party anymore?
I asked my BMs to be in my party the day after I got engaged. I know, in hindsight that was a huge mistake on my part.
One of my BMs, I know for two years in grad school. The problem now is I don't feel very close to her. She left to Europe to study, we barely email and never speak on the phone.
She never did anything or said anything bad to me... (not enough to warrent drama at least). I just feel like I may not keep in touch with her after the wedding.
About a month + ago, I emailed her about getting her BM dress and she never responded. So I figured we grew apart, and she didn't want to be in my party anymore. She just emailed me asking again how to order the dress.
What do I do? Any suggestions welcome!!! I feel torn because I already asked her, but also I don't really feel like she's one of my closest friends (which I think the bridal party should be)...
One of my cousins was in the wedding and she was putting off ordering the dress. I finally said to her that we had a deadline and everyone had ordered their dress over a month before her. If she didn't get it by that time she's not in the wedding. I was so annoyed with her. I wanted her to be in the wedding, but I couldn't wait to get the dresses any longer. That may work with her since she never seems to get in contact with you anyway.
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: de-asking a BM-- my first vent
I did this, but by email. Mainly because I was so angry and hurt and didn't want to say something I would regret via face to face. However looking back- I should have done it either phone or face to face. I understand you may not have that option because of the distance. But maybe just let her know that you have not heard from her and you thought that meant that she didn't want to be a part of it.
