Dear _____

Dear Coworker,

I know you thought it was a really nice gesture to bring in that lemon/blueberry coffee cake for everyone else to enjoy, but you were mistaken. See, this coffee cake is about as big as my head...and...its delicious. Really, I didn't think a store bought coffee cake could be that good. Therein lies the problem, because now that I've had a taste, my a$$ is encouraging me to eat the whole darn thing. So next time you think you're being nice, it'd be nicer if you didn't do these things, seeing as my desk has a lovely view of the kitchen, and therefore your delicious coffee cake.

Sincerely,

Your coworker with a smaller a$$ who'd like to keep it that way.

Dear Work,

Why do i have to come in everyday when i have nothing to do i am just sitting here all morning waiting for the box of checks to come in and they are still not here, why can't you just call me when they arrive, so i could enjoy this beautiful day

Dear Uterus,
Why must you make me sit at my desk hysterically crying in pain!? Seriously... WHY? What did I ever do to you? I thought I treated you well the past 25 years, but it seems once a month you like to cause me incredible pain for a week at a time! Why can't you be like the other good uterus' and just spaz out a little bit, why must you contract SO BAD causing me to shake and swell? Please stop!

Sincerely,
The rest of your body that is getting really po'd with you


Dear Co-workers,
Why can't you ever come to work? why must I sit here ALONE with nothing to do crying because I want to go home and do shots of black berry brandy until I pass out (to make the pain go away) but instead you promise you'll be back in 5 minutes, then call and say you'll be back in an hour and a half!
and to the other co-worker, why can't you come in? you think because you're part time you're allowed to come in one day a week and still make what you were making when you were 'full time' coming in 4 days a week? WHICH IS STILL DOUBLE WHAT I MAKE COMING IN EVERYDAY but because your last name is A---- and your family you should make more and do less!?
Go to h-e-l-l!

Sincerely,
a very unhappy worker


and finally...

Dear Red Mango,
why must you taste so good yet be so expensive and have workers that suck horribly! I emailed corporate to complain that it took 45 minutes to make fill my order and I never got my $5.00 coupon that I worked so hard for and you have not written back and your employee has the nerve to tell me that my yogurt wasn't melted even though 3 other customers said it was.

Sincerely,
no longer a customer