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Re: tired of fighting w/FH !! long!!
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!!! I hope you find the strength you need to be ok and happy even with this on your mind.
When I was finishing law school, I had similar experiences as far as trying to mark moments I had thought should be important (like my last final -- even the night I finished the bars [I took NY and NJ]) and was completely disappointed when my celebration turned into a huge fight with my then-sorta-bf who at the time snubbed me for someone else even though we'd done all our studying and carried each other through law school.
Looking back, I realize that the problems really weren't with the people around me but with my own inflated expectations of how 'special' I thought a particular day should be. I was setting myself up for disappointment.
I am not trying to say that you are doing that, I'm just saying that's what I realized.
As far as your FH's BM being aloof about the whole thing... it might not make you feel better, but the truth is, guys are just like this. Things matter to them, but they don't get sentimental and feel like not speaking for a few months is a big deal. To them, friends are friends, and it doesn't matter how many times you're busy when you try to make plans, in the end guys just feel like they will have their good friends' backs.
Showing up to the bar late without calling or texting is not unusual. A lot of people do that sort of thing, especially those with a culture of going out a lot. You should try not to take it too personally.
I know you're upset right now, but it sounds like the lines of communications between your FH's BM and FH are back on and all the guys are fine with it. I know you want things to be perfect at the wedding, and they will be. They will all work themselves out, even if it takes until after the bar (yes, August) for it to get finalized.
The bar experience is unbelievably stressful and takes an incredible amount of work. Please try to turn to your friends and us during the time while your FH is studying when it comes to any wedding questions or worries that arise or he may bite your head off. I'm sorry to be blunt like that -- it's not my style, but I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally want you to be happy!!!!!!!!!
Things will work out, and you'll be happy again. FH loves you and wants you to be happy too.
FM if you want to talk more or you can IM me (i'll FM you my SN). Sorry this response is so long!
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When I was finishing law school, I had similar experiences as far as trying to mark moments I had thought should be important (like my last final -- even the night I finished the bars [I took NY and NJ]) and was completely disappointed when my celebration turned into a huge fight with my then-sorta-bf who at the time snubbed me for someone else even though we'd done all our studying and carried each other through law school.
Looking back, I realize that the problems really weren't with the people around me but with my own inflated expectations of how 'special' I thought a particular day should be. I was setting myself up for disappointment.
I am not trying to say that you are doing that, I'm just saying that's what I realized.
As far as your FH's BM being aloof about the whole thing... it might not make you feel better, but the truth is, guys are just like this. Things matter to them, but they don't get sentimental and feel like not speaking for a few months is a big deal. To them, friends are friends, and it doesn't matter how many times you're busy when you try to make plans, in the end guys just feel like they will have their good friends' backs.
Showing up to the bar late without calling or texting is not unusual. A lot of people do that sort of thing, especially those with a culture of going out a lot. You should try not to take it too personally.
I know you're upset right now, but it sounds like the lines of communications between your FH's BM and FH are back on and all the guys are fine with it. I know you want things to be perfect at the wedding, and they will be. They will all work themselves out, even if it takes until after the bar (yes, August) for it to get finalized.
The bar experience is unbelievably stressful and takes an incredible amount of work. Please try to turn to your friends and us during the time while your FH is studying when it comes to any wedding questions or worries that arise or he may bite your head off. I'm sorry to be blunt like that -- it's not my style, but I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally want you to be happy!!!!!!!!!
Things will work out, and you'll be happy again. FH loves you and wants you to be happy too.
FM if you want to talk more or you can IM me (i'll FM you my SN). Sorry this response is so long!
Member since
Re: tired of fighting w/FH !! long!!
It will be ok, just breathe. There are a lot of stressful events going on right now for both of you. Weddings can be stressful enough without such an important test being thrown on top of that! Believe me I completely understand what you're going through with her FH's BM situation...can't really elaborate on here, but FM me if you ever want to talk about it!
Member since
Re: tired of fighting w/FH !! long!!
The best advice I can say... is give your opinion then stay out of it. That friendship is between them.
I have a similiar situation.... with this guy (GM)
and FH. I am friends with GM and have known him for a looooooooong time.... liek 14 years. And lately (the last 3 years or so) he has been a JERK!! He is an awful friend to FH. I just let FH know what I think of this situation or that situation. And that's the end of it. I let it be entirely up to FH to decide if he is in the wedding party. I don't ever stand in the way of them being friends. I'm not there to control who FH is friends with. He knows how i feel and where I stand... but that's the beginning and the end of it. I don't cause any drama between them and I certainly never fight with FH over it. But whenever GM does something I say that's F'ed up to FH. FH sees my point and he actually agrees with me... but it's still is friend... and that's ok with me.
Truth is... there isn't much you can do about it. Look at it this way... if you had a friend that he didn't care for or that he felt was no good for you... but you still wanted to be friends with this person... wouldn't you still be friendly with that person? Just try to keep the peace and you will come out on top. The more things that BM does and your FH sees.... then he will begin to see what you see. It has to ultimately be his decision to keep or let this friend loose. There is no reason for you and FH to be fighting over this.
I have a similiar situation.... with this guy (GM)
and FH. I am friends with GM and have known him for a looooooooong time.... liek 14 years. And lately (the last 3 years or so) he has been a JERK!! He is an awful friend to FH. I just let FH know what I think of this situation or that situation. And that's the end of it. I let it be entirely up to FH to decide if he is in the wedding party. I don't ever stand in the way of them being friends. I'm not there to control who FH is friends with. He knows how i feel and where I stand... but that's the beginning and the end of it. I don't cause any drama between them and I certainly never fight with FH over it. But whenever GM does something I say that's F'ed up to FH. FH sees my point and he actually agrees with me... but it's still is friend... and that's ok with me.
Truth is... there isn't much you can do about it. Look at it this way... if you had a friend that he didn't care for or that he felt was no good for you... but you still wanted to be friends with this person... wouldn't you still be friendly with that person? Just try to keep the peace and you will come out on top. The more things that BM does and your FH sees.... then he will begin to see what you see. It has to ultimately be his decision to keep or let this friend loose. There is no reason for you and FH to be fighting over this.
