deleted

Jasonsbride2be Posted: Jun 08, 2010 11:10 PM

deleted

deleted....people are snoops! Thanks for all the advice!

ElovesJ117 Posted: Jun 09, 2010 12:06 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

When I had my eparty FH's parents were really not involved. I emailed her a very detailed explanation of what the invited were, what the centerpieces were going to be, and I did ask if she has any suggestions on the favors. We didn't ask for their input on the menu or anything. My mom was throwing us the party and I guess she didn't really feel the need to ask for help. Your FMIL might not want to step on anyone's toes. Ask her if there is something specific you would like her help with and see what happens. She might want to be involved but just doesn't know how or what would be appropriate.

Thats-What-She-Said Posted: Jun 09, 2010 12:13 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I think it would be really nice if FH's parents helped out, but they don't really have to. You are throwing yourself an engagement party. It is not something that you need, nor is it something that everyone has.

Did they tell you they would help out, with the wedding itself? I think it is great that your parents are helping out, but honestly you are choosing to throw this party.

I have major issues with FH's family and their contributions to our wedding (i.e. 0 ) but they aren't really obligated to help out.

allornil Posted: Jun 09, 2010 12:39 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I'd think your FMIL would at least offer to pay for something or show interest. Its her sons party too. His old school excuse is unfair. Have the parents met yet? Maybe getting them together would help.

Jessc4985 Posted: Jun 09, 2010 02:56 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I personally feel that she should offer to make something or bring something, or help set up, something along those lines.

sjr385 Posted: Jun 09, 2010 03:53 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

soon2bmrshiller Posted: Jun 09, 2010 07:24 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

It may not even occur to your FMIL that you need help with the party..have your FH ask her to help out with a few things. She will probably be happy to do so.

angelatp Posted: Jun 09, 2010 07:35 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

you should talk to her, asked her if she's going to helping out. Maybe she doesn't even know that she's should be helping out. you could say it in a round about way, maybe your parent are doing so much for you and fh, thank goodness they're helping out so much. See what her response is.

Like the other poster said, I wouldn't let it bug me too much since it's something you really don't need and is she in a financial situation to even help you?

Good luck let us knows how it goes. Unfortunately this might be just a preview to your wedding.

Jasonsbride2be Posted: Jun 09, 2010 08:18 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

snoooopsss (not you girls ) the people who DON'T belong here

MikesBride2B Posted: Jun 09, 2010 08:40 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I've learned not to expect anything from FILs...that way when they actually do something nice its a nice surprise instead of me thinking 'Geez, FINALLY'

Sorry that it seems like you'll have to have the same attitude.

Thats-What-She-Said Posted: Jun 09, 2010 09:56 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

It's unfortunate but true. You can't expect anything from anyone in life, you will just be disappointed if you do. I go through this and it has really driven a wedge between FH's family and I. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I can't change how I feel. I think if I came from the situation differently from the beginning, i wouldn't have such animosity.

wedding_girl Posted: Jun 09, 2010 10:01 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

Posted by Stardutchess

It's unfortunate but true. You can't expect anything from anyone in life, you will just be disappointed if you do. I go through this and it has really driven a wedge between FH's family and I. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I can't change how I feel. I think if I came from the situation differently from the beginning, i wouldn't have such animosity.

ITA

My mom always says, don't depend on people, you will end up disappointed. If you want something done you do it yourself, those who want to help will

itbroi805 Posted: Jun 09, 2010 10:15 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

my FH parents were not involved at all, we just invited them. His mother didn't even come (which we kind of expected).

I planned to do the whole thing with my mom from the very beginning so I wasn't offended that his parents did nothing. We knew they weren't going to offer.

I've excepted this fact and now it doesn't bother me. I'm actually glad because I get to have more intimacy doing things with my mom only.

Don't let it get to you.

JessNicole7EM Posted: Jun 09, 2010 10:19 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I don't think it's neccessary for them to get involved.

Having it at your house would indicate to me your parents were taking care of it.

WHen I had my eparty FH's family were invited guests, they were not obligated to help, nor did they help, nor did we need their help.
(We invited over 100 people)

If you needed help with cost/food/whatever you should have asked for help right from the beginning.. saying 'it's can be at my house but my mom would like to know if you would mind making a few dishes or chipping in with cost?'

at this point you can't really say anything/complain to them..it's not their party.

allornil Posted: Jun 09, 2010 10:26 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

I dunno, I sort of see this from her side. FMIL has a son who is getting married as well. My Mom always says its good manners to offer to help, even its to bring a dish of food. She could have called or had FH ask.

The problem is, that there are still a lot of people who feel the bride's family should pay for everything. Obviously that's unfair.

But here's where I'm going to piss people off. I think FH should be firm and say 'Mom, I think you should offer to help. Please call her parents and ask if there's anything you can do.' It's just good manners and common courtesy.

That's what i would do if it was me. I'd want to make my son happy. It's his wedding and engagement too.

This could be the beginning of a LONG and stressful period of planning. maybe sit w FMIL and ask what's important for her to be involved in. I know my FMIL never wants to step on my toes, but she's good like that...and highly medicated. lol

rendel Posted: Jun 09, 2010 10:34 AM

Re: Really could use your advice

FH is really upset right now due to this reason, except he actually tells his parents that he feels like him and I and my parents are fronting a great deal of the money. His mom told him that we were the ones who wanted a big wedding and shouldn't depend on them. It's not a big wedding, lol!!! Still if money is an issue, I would expect his family to be more active like come see my dress or help my mom with projects she is doing!!!! Honestly nip it in the bud now cause it will only set a p residence for what is to come. I read on the knot last night that this is one of the top arguments that couples get into during wedding time.