so the day that was ages ago when I first started posting here is starting to creep up. As I've mentioned to some of you, the hardest thing by far is the guest list. Right now, we've got about 230 people on it... and if we could invite another 50 it wouldn't be enough. I've got a big extended family, and both FW and I have a lot of friends. Let me also say that FW's parents and my parents have been extremely generous to us, but we've had to do some things that are a little awkward on our guest list, like invite some people from certain groups of friends and not others...
we've got a group of friends in dc. we don't have room to invite them all (some are friends we've done real work with, some are more like acquaintences we like but don't know so well), etc. We're about to see a whole bunch of these folks this weekend, and we were thinking of sending a 'hey, just to let you know, be discreet' kind of email to the folks that are invited.
what do you think? do you think this is a good idea?
thanks for the help.
--the stealth groom (let's go rangers!)
RGV07
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
i think that ok to be discreet, since you cant invite everyone you like....just my opinion
MJDoc12
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
heck yeah, i'd do that too. call it Operation Shut Yo Mouth!
just let them know that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and that they should not say anything about the wedding.
ooo---you could go one step further and have special code words and hand signals, so that when someone who isn't invited asks about your nuptials....the invited guest can look at your hand signal and say 'Wow, the red hawk chirps at nite but only when the squirrel sees his shadow.' PRESTO! wedding forgotten!
hunnybunnyxoxo
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
i agree!! tell them to be discreet!
cookiemonster
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by MJDoc12
'Wow, the red hawk chirps at nite but only when the squirrel sees his shadow.' PRESTO! wedding forgotten!
rkl1130
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by MJDoc12
ooo---you could go one step further and have special code words and hand signals, so that when someone who isn't invited asks about your nuptials....the invited guest can look at your hand signal and say 'Wow, the red hawk chirps at nite but only when the squirrel sees his shadow.' PRESTO! wedding forgotten!
I like your style! That's something I would do!
I would say it's okay. You can't invite everyone and you mentioned that some are people you've actually worked with while others are acquaintances. Because they are acquaintances, you should not feel obligated to invite them unless you really want to.
HamptonsBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
yes, tell them to be quiet!!! I had the same issue with friends i invited from my Tae Kwon Do class...i am friendly with alot of people, but am only inviting the ones I've known for years and who i am very close with...and when they started talking about the wedding in class...i was like 'zip it!!!!!' not everyone's invited!! haha
stealthgroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by MJDoc12
ooo---you could go one step further and have special code words and hand signals, so that when someone who isn't invited asks about your nuptials....the invited guest can look at your hand signal and say 'Wow, the red hawk chirps at nite but only when the squirrel sees his shadow.' PRESTO! wedding forgotten!
that's awesome. I think I'd do it with baseball coach signals.
People know about the wedding, and about the date. One dude, trying to be nice, offered to make sure he was back from Europe in time... except he wasn't on the list.
i hate leaving people out of things.
Pinkiegirll07
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
You can definitely tell them to be discreet! People understand that you can always invite everyone!!
bonitachyc
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
i would do the same. i'd make sure to tell everyone in black and white what's going on...go so far as telling them to delete the email if possible! you wouldn't want that bad boy getting forwarded! i wouldn't think it's in bad taste at all, imagine if one of them let it slip! you'd be kicking yourself for not having done it. HTH
kitty1224
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by Pinkiegirll07
You can definitely tell them to be discreet! People understand that you can always invite everyone!!
I agree.
DSaug07
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
I think the best advice FW and I got while putting together our guest list was to only invite the people you are close with. Not to use the wedding as an opportunity to reconnect with long lost friends. That said I know it can be awkward, so I'd definitely tell them to be discrete about it all.
Good luck!
LaurenF
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
it's always tough----people have to understand that you can't invite the world.
diva7531
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Sounds like everyone agrees. What are you going to do if someone not invited asks? I have some people who are not invited ask about the wedding. I talk about it but don't get too far into the conversation if I can help it. Good Luck and hope you are not on edge during your visit!
stealthgroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by diva7531
Sounds like everyone agrees. What are you going to do if someone not invited asks? I have some people who are not invited ask about the wedding. I talk about it but don't get too far into the conversation if I can help it. Good Luck and hope you are not on edge during your visit!
this part is easy. I've actually lamented to foks I didn't think we would be able to invite that it ***** not being able to invite everyone. But it ain't easy.
Thanks for the thoughtful advice, all!
GettinHutched
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Go for it! I did that with my 'lunch friends' here at school. I'm really only close with about 3 of them (and we usually have about 8 ladies), so I asked them to not mention being invited when we're all having lunch together in the teachers lounge. It's working so far!
BrideInBlue
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
While I want to go along with everyone else (since it was my first instict as well) you may want to consider if hiding it now may not backfire later. What happens when the ones that are invited leave to come up for the wedding are they going to tell the rest of the group where they are going? Or after the wedding are they supposed to pretend they were not there? If they are going to find out eventually anyway it may be better to find some way to tell them gently now( tell them the guest list was limited and you pulled names out of a hat if you need to!) That being said if you think you can make it work email away!
However you do it...Good Luck!
GabrielleandJohn
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
I have a bit of a different twist on this one. I think that you should TALK to these people and ask them to be discrete. I would NOT put it in writing or email and send it. Things like that have a way of being distributed or misconstrued.
I think that talking to the ppl invited is a better solution.
Aug07OFCbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by MJDoc12
heck yeah, i'd do that too. call it Operation Shut Yo Mouth!
just let them know that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and that they should not say anything about the wedding.
ooo---you could go one step further and have special code words and hand signals, so that when someone who isn't invited asks about your nuptials....the invited guest can look at your hand signal and say 'Wow, the red hawk chirps at nite but only when the squirrel sees his shadow.' PRESTO! wedding forgotten!
love it!
AeroJenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: delicate question: groups of friends
Posted by ik1
Posted by Pinkiegirll07
You can definitely tell them to be discreet! People understand that you can always invite everyone!!
