Did anyone just see Oprah?

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:07 PM

Did anyone just see Oprah?

These shows scare me!!! I called FI at work and I'm like why are you marrying me? and you're not having doubts are you? and he and his colleagues were laughing at me.... He's like Oprah doesn't know what she is talking about... She said we should all ask tons of questions before we get married and that men and women get depressed after their honeymoon... I don't want to be like that! I have to get that book.... She said love is not enough!

karenJ Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:15 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

Damn, I am at work and am now curious. Do they have repeats?

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:21 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

I'm sure they do... she had on couples that broke off their marriages before they happened as a result of her previous show...

She said we should ask the questions in the book '100 questions' and the 'conscious bride'- questions with no right or wrong answer... questions like 'Who cooks', 'who does grocery shopping'--- the way it is now will not be that way 20 years from now and she said--- know what you are saying I do to....

My parents and grandparents did not have to think about stuff like this before their married but there was this one guy who came back from his honeymoon and was totally depressed!!! I don't want my FI to marry me b/c 'he's ready at 28' or because 'he loves me'... We need to grow old together and need to ask these questions and be happy with the controversy on the answers... I don't want us to bend too much before we are off and out of the cage!!

V&S03 Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:23 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

Oprah is repeated at 7pm on channel 55.

SeptemberBride03 Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:24 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

Marisa - how long have you and FI known each other? I agree there is more to it than love. Compromise is a big part of a relationship. Also you need to be companions and friends so that there is more depth to your relationship than just love and lust. I'm sure you and your FI have been together long enough to know how to work things out when they come up and to know the inner thoughts and feelings and dreams of each other.

karenJ Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:25 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

Sept,
I have done my share of soul searching since we got engaged and we have been speaking about how we will be after the marriage quite often and because of love we are able to compromise. I do believe that love, understanding, trust, compassion are ingredients for a lasting marriage and it should not only be based on love. As long as you and your fiancee understand each other and both believe you two can make it work, I will not worry too much about what Oprah said. 'The strength of the marriage is based on the efforts you both put forward' as per my parents words (they have been married for 35 years).

Karen

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:26 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

2 years!!! It will be three when we marry... Not so long I guess--- I think we are an awesome couple and we talk a lot and he has been outrageous through our dating period, but the way Oprah does these shows... she puts on women who are into their wedding and are not planning for life after the wedding.... I have to focus on that also.

julykbride Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:26 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

That show was a repeat. I saw it in the fall. I made my FI get me the book for Christmas, The Hard Questions. We've already spent some time answering them, but we have a long way to go! It's a good book.

bride04 Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:28 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

I just set up my TIVO to record it.
My cable channels changed recently and now TV55 is on channel 10. Today's Oprah episode is on at 9:30. Strange, I guess they changed their lineup too. I remember it was always on at 7:00.

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:28 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

This she said and I liked and agreed with:

You have to make a conscious decision to be in love everyday in marriage.

Thanks for your words! I feel better.... Parents went through a messy divorce and I have put this guy through the griller to make sure their won't be a repeat..... The recipe for a good marriage has a lot of ingredients I guess.

michele31 Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:33 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

With a divorce rate as high as 1 out of every 2 marriages I don't think people are crazy to really consider what they are doing when they decide to get married. Love is NOT enough to make a marriage work. Also, many couples never discuss money, retirement, what they will do if they cannot have a child naturally, how will they handle the holidays with 2 families (sometimes 3) to deal with, do they believe in spanking, do they want pets, will one person stay at home or will both work, who will handle paying the bills, will you 'ask' before you spend money on things etc...etc....
There are couples who cannot even chose a china pattern without a huge fight. Consider trying to do major life altering decisions like that.
If those people called off their weddings, then perhaps they were not really ready to get married or they were making the wrong decision.
So consider WHY you are getting married, not just where to get married, or what flavor cake to have. This is a huge decision.

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:39 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

I agree with Michele..... I am not reconsidering the marriage- I am still totally in love with FI and in my heart know he's the one and only one for me.... I call him My gift from G-d, but I want to take all of the romantce out of this for a sec. step back, roll up my sleeves, and ask those questions Julybride is talking about. I mean- you can never really know, but you can safeguard as much as possible.... Thanks again to all.

karenJ Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:43 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

anytime!!!

Karen

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 28, 2003 05:43 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

jennbaby Posted: Jan 28, 2003 06:32 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

sounds like my precana

Miro127 Posted: Jan 28, 2003 06:46 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

fyi, it was NOT a repeat from the fall, it was a follow-up show!

LisaT Posted: Jan 28, 2003 07:18 PM

Re: Did anyone just see Oprah?

watching it now...

from my newlywed perspective (married 10 months yesterday)
I missed the planning after the wedding was over but I certianly wasn't depressed. However, we did plan for after the honeymoon. We had a party planned for our one month anniversary where we celebrated our wedding in CA with our friends here who couldn't come to NY (even wore my dress again). It was great because after the honeymoon was over, there was still something to look forward to (other than your life together ). It was a slow fade all the festivities.

Our life hasn't changed all that much - there wasn't really an adjustment period (we were already living together). It just keeps getting better and we keep getting closer. You need to have realistic expectations and then let your husband exceed them, rather than expecting the world and being disappointed.

Marriage involves compromise and respect, as well as trust and love. Ultimatiums and rules are not the way to a happy marriage. The ideas is this book are not new - anyone who's gone through pre-cana or pre-marital counseling should have covered this.