Brides Helping Brides ™ - Did anyone not have a christening party?

CathyB Posted: Apr 05, 2005 06:58 PM

Did anyone not have a christening party?

DH & I were planning on a small party at our house for our siblings, our parents and their siblings and that's it.

I just found out that MIL (who is Jewish and has NEVER been to a christening) has invited everyone she invited to our wedding, and we're expected to throw a party for her 60+ people. I've called around, and the only place locally that can accommodate us on the date wants $45 per person. (It's first communion season, so the local K of Cs are booked already) I think it's insane to spend $3000+ on a christening party. We can put that money to better use fixing up the house.

I just wanted to hear that other people didn't have big blow out parties as well. We're being told that we are horrible parents by depriving our daughter a big christening party. As if she's going to remember it.....

swags1016 Posted: Apr 05, 2005 07:26 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We are planning just having family and our closest friends at our house. DH's immediate family alone is 20+ factoring in the cousins and such we are looking at close to 50 people. I cannot imagine adding in friends too and parents friends. I don't think your are depriving your child of something that they would not remember anyways. JMHO. I don't think you are wrong at all.

LIJuneBride Posted: Apr 05, 2005 07:28 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

I'm planning like you - immediate family (parents, siblings and their families) and of course the godparents. DH wants the big blow-out party. I can see we are going to have to compromise on this one. Maybe when he sees how much $$$ and work it is, he'll change his mind.

flyin'bride Posted: Apr 06, 2005 08:54 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

I don't think you will be depriving your family. Your child will have PLENTY of opportunities to meet/bond with your extended family. This is a special day for you and your child, you should be able to enjoy it and not have to stress, especially if you were looking forward to a more intimate gathering. Definately do what you feel comfortable doing, don't feel pressured into a big party if that's not what you want.

We didn't have a big blow-out party. Just our immediate family (parents and siblings) and closest friends (who are like family). We had the party at the house and ordered food so we didn't have to go crazy cooking. I did the appetizers and we ordered a cake from the bakery. We had about 20 people.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Apr 06, 2005 09:25 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We are having only IMMEDIATE family, and DH's 2 best friends and their wives and my 2 best friends and their husbands...only comes out to about 30 people.

I do not feel like we are depriving our daughter at all!!! Do what you can and don't let your MIL force the issue

Curley999 Posted: Apr 06, 2005 09:27 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We had a small party at the house with about 15-20 people, mostly family. We ordered food so we didn't have to stress about that and the day was enjoyable. I don't like big parties at all and the baby is far to little to enjoy it either. Don't feel bad at all, have the party that you feel comfortable with!

soon2bMrs Posted: Apr 06, 2005 02:11 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We aren't planning on having a large party either. I want a bbq at the house with our closest friends and immediately family only. It should be about 30 people. I think you should do what makes you most comfortable.

nylisa Posted: Apr 06, 2005 02:44 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

My sister is only having immediate family over for my niece's christening.

Niecey Posted: Apr 06, 2005 05:22 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

It is crazy. I am having mine in a restauarant - only inviting close family and close friends our list is over 60 people. I also eliminated a lot of friends - no co-workers and most college friends. If the weather was warmer I would do it at my house but since May is variable I am doing a restaurant. Only 1 place in my whole neighborhood had availability for my date (communion season) an dof course it was one of the most expensive places we looked at.

Do what you want. A close intimate dinner/gathering can be just as nice as a big party and others will have to understand.

anna Posted: Apr 06, 2005 05:47 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

You do what works best for your family.
Tell your MIL that the money will go into the baby's college fund instead

unless she's willing to treat

2003OCT10 Posted: Apr 07, 2005 01:42 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

Alex got a lot of really good gifts for his dedication.... some a lot better than my wedding gifts...

What about a tent in the backyard? or at your moms or mil's??

Claud2001 Posted: Apr 07, 2005 08:39 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We had a modest party...nothing too big...mostly immediate family and a few close friends. I hope you don't mind my saying, but I think your MIL is being very rude to go ahead inviting people to YOUR party...is she also offering to foot the bill? If not, I'd put her in check in a heartbeat.

Forget about fixing up the house...that $3K is better off in savings for your child or (god forbid) another emergency situation.

Good luck...I hope you can resolve this without spending a boatload of money.

Karacg Posted: Apr 07, 2005 03:47 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

First of all, your MIL needs a swift kick in the you-know-what.
I would tell her either to UNinvite everyone, or to throw the party herself. I mean really!! That takes a lot of nerve!!

My MIL invited a few peeps to our wedding who we weren't planning on inviting. DH told her they were not going to be invited. I have no idea how she handled it, not my problem. Those folks never got invites and did not show up, so whatever she did it worked. Oh and no one has disowned us over it either.

CathyB Posted: Apr 07, 2005 04:13 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

I still haven't decided what to do. MIL is a very strong personality who isn't used to not getting her way. She still tries to tell DH what to do, and gets really angry with him if we decide something different that what she says. And in my family we don't play games like that, we try to make each other happy, you know? Last month she went out and traded in BIL's car for a new one when he mentioned that he liked a certain kind of car. Didn't ask him if he really wanted it, could afford it or anything. Plus since his lease wasn't up, he had to pay a bunch of money on top of the whole thing. And DH's family just laughs it off they are so used to that crap.

I actually wouldn't mind throwing the big party if she'd asked me first. Plus, I just know how the whole thing is going to play out - she goes out of her way to make me miserable, and said really mean, hurtful things to me at my bridal shower, wedding and baby shower. DH and my mom didn't believe me until they heard her saying horrible things to me at my baby shower when she thought no one else was listening. I just know she's going to try to ruin the day for me because she's still angry I didn't convert and the baby is being raised Catholic. Meanwhile, DH isn't a practicing Jew and actually considers himself agnostic.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest.

jillybean66 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 08:27 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We had immediate family only for that exact reason. We had about 18 people total - it was great!

StepherG Posted: Apr 08, 2005 09:25 AM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

Sorry that you're going through all this...and that your MIL is treating you unkindly. I understand your concern for the big party...but honestly you have to do what works for you and DH. I agree that the $$ will be well spent on a house rather than a party. Do what your instinct tells you.

Good luck and keep us updated.

michele31 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:41 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

Personally, I would NOT allow my MIL to dictate what type of party we would have for our daughter's christening. I just foresee that allowing her to plan the 1st birthday...and telling me what to do about her doctor visits or that my daughter needs to be doing XX by now etc...I sorta think that now is a good time for you to take a stand..you are the parents and maybe she needs to know that.

Also, you have to pay for this party so her friends can come? That is NUTS!!!

I am so sorry that she felt that you should convert from your religion for HER. No rabbi in the world would want that. Religion is a very personal thing. How can you 'change' your core beliefs to make her happy? People should only covert because they want to, on their own, for themselves IMO. Plus she does not have to like how you raise your child...

You have to do what is best for you and your DH, NOT her. Maybe now is a good time to let her know that.

ambersmom Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:45 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

We had a small gathering of immediate family, extended family, and 'family' (meaning they're like family but not technically). No friends at all. I wasn't into a big doing and we're working in the reverse for her birthday. Immediate family, friends and no extended. It gets out of hand with all these functions and I don't want anyone thinking I'm hitting them up for gifts every 2.5 seconds.

AJsMommy122 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 03:59 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

Do what you want and what is best for you. Don't worry about anything else!!

I wanted something small at my MIL's house after the ceremony for just family. ( Our Apt. is too small)
Well my MIL talked me into having it at a resturant it was like 60 people. I had to do favors and centerpieces it was sooooo much for a christening that the baby slept through most of it!!!
It was the 'Smallist' christening party ever in DH's family. I have one to go to this weekend ( the 3rd in 6 mos) and it is at a hall with a DJ, centerpieces, favors, and a full vienesse hour!!!! They have all been like that and I think its a little out of hand!! One even had a photographer
I guess its great if you have the money but I think some of these baptism's cost more then my wedding!
Thats not what this day is about!!!

ETA: If your MIL really wants this big party tell her to foot the bill!!! That is the only way my MIL got what she wanted!! There was no way I was going to spend 3k on a christening. She paid for the food & favors. All I did was the centerpieces & invitations.

CathyB Posted: Apr 08, 2005 09:32 PM

Re: Did anyone not have a christening party?

DH & I told her that we're keeping it a small party, she's going to have to uninvite her friends. She's not happy - I'm secretly hoping it makes her upset enough to stay away.

I'm just sad that things have to be this way. I always imagined a good relationship with my MIL. my paternal grandmother and my mom were very close, even after my parents got divorced and my dad remarried.

Thanks for all the replies, it makes me feel better about standing up to her.