Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

kimmylyn Posted: Dec 04, 2003 07:55 PM

Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

Picking out your bridal party?

I have two sisters, my baby sis is my MOH and my middle sis is a BM.

However, since I set a date I have had nothing but grief on who else to have. I have five really good girlfriends and two FSIL's that I just adore. I already have a Jr. BM who is my FSIL step daughter, two flower girls who are the daughter of my other FSIL.

I personally just wanted my sisters in the party. But I found out that some of my friends feelings are really hurt because I did ask them. But if I ask one, I would have to ask all of them. I don't want to hurt my friends or piss off my FSIL's if I have my friends and do not ask them.

So my diliema is do I ask my friends to be BM's and ask my FSIL's to do the readings at the ceremony since their children are in the wedding party-or- do I ask all of them??

Sorry to sound so whiney.. I can't talk to my friends or family about this because of the sensitivty of the matter. My FI says do whatever I want. So he is NO help. :)

Just wondering if anybody had this problem..

Kelly9904 Posted: Dec 04, 2003 08:02 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I have not had this problem however my FI has! Currently we have NO GM, NO Best Man!
He has 2 brothers and 4 friends who he has know the majority of his life. He was trying to decide between 2 friends for BM, but is afraid of hurting one (amongst other issues) but doent want to choose between his brothers either! So I gave him until Thanksgiving to decide however I have not felt like pushing him so he has not actually made a decision yet!

Have the people who mean the most to you and are truly not only a part of your life but your life as a couple!
Explain to them that although you wanted to have them, you wanted a small BP and you hope they can understand that that decision doenst take away from your relationship with them!
GOod luck

Smolokoff Posted: Dec 04, 2003 08:07 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I have two sisters, too. Both are BM's because I couldn't choose between them. My best friend is MOH and my brother's wife is other BM.

If I were you, I would put FSIL into BP, then tell your friends you had to go with family so you couldn't put any friends in. There will be less hard feelings that way. You caould always have these special friends do a reading at the ceremony, or do something else at the reception. Be creative.

amy0405 Posted: Dec 04, 2003 08:07 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

My friend was in your exact situation, I was the best friend that was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Me and this girl grew up together since jr high, my family took her away on a few vacations. She was like my sister, roomed at college for 4 years together. Then she got engaged and not only was I not asked, but she never gave me an explanation as to why. Six months into her engagement, she got the entire clan (myself and 3 other friends) together and asked us to be in the wedding, explaining that she wanted a small wedding party at first, but as the time grew closer to the wedding she really wanted us in it.

JZNCK Posted: Dec 04, 2003 08:27 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I would just say it's just family. maybe they can do a reading or help out in other ways.. ie: hand out programs. They will understand, just be honest with them. or blame it on your FH how many is he having on his side.. if it's only 2 say you wanted to keep in even.. etc.. good luck.. they'll understand

luvsun27 Posted: Dec 04, 2003 08:35 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

This is exactly why I am only having a MOH. Sorry...I don't think that was very helpful.

reallybehind! Posted: Dec 04, 2003 09:12 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

i didn't have this problem, but i would say just include family, sisters and sisters-in-law. then your friends can do something else and you have a logical reason for not asking them.

MegLehner Posted: Dec 05, 2003 01:37 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I feel your pain. I had a similar problem. Once you ask one from the group you feel like you have to ask everyone. We are only having MOH and BM because we wanted to keep it small. However for the FSILs and friends that might be insulted i am giving them other things to do. Like readings and ushers, etc. Just tell your friends you want to keep it small and they will understand. I also told friends and cousins that we didnt have enough groomsmen and i didn't want uneven numbers.

kimmylyn Posted: Dec 05, 2003 08:47 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

Thanks for all your advice.. !! still have no idea what I am going to do.. but it is great to get feedback from everyone!

Nora101004 Posted: Dec 05, 2003 09:10 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

Ask a bunch of older people who was in their BP and who they still keep in touch with. Odds are they don't KIT with a lot of them. Give your friends honors but keep your BP small like you wanted it. If they are your friends, they should understand, if they don't understand, you made the right decision not asking them.

HearzBellz Posted: Dec 05, 2003 09:29 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

BP are nothing but trouble in the beginning. & it seems everyone has an opinion about who should be in it.

In my personal opinion..not everyone who is close to you can be in the BP....then 1/2 your wedding would be in it. I think your friends should not give you grief if you just want your sisters in it....JMHO.

If you do decide to have your friends & not your FSIL that is fine too. I ran into this HUGE problem where my FMIL was telling me that FH's cousin needed to be in the BP. THE BRIDE CHOOSES THE BP. again, JMHO.

tourist Posted: Dec 05, 2003 09:44 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I say keep it in the family. Its a good palce to draw the line. As close as your friends are now, you never know what will happen down the road & your sisters will always be your sisters.
You don't even have to ask the FSILs. You are includeng them by asking their children, but you could use them for readings, etc to be nice. And I agree with HEARBELLZ, I don't expect my FH to include my brother.

I have been dropping hints early on that I'm just having my 2 cousins, so no one gets any ideas in their head.

On the other hand, in the end it doesn't matter that much--I'm sure my parents stressed over it , but at the last minute the friend that introduced them got drafted & they replaced him with some co-worker I never heard my dad mention till I was looking through the album.

04Bride Posted: Dec 05, 2003 10:59 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I had this problem too so i kept it simple and am having a maid and a matron of honors. my sister and my best friend. otherwise I wouldve havd 8 BM and that was way too much. I am not having people who had me, i explained it to them and i think ( i hope) they understand

oakslady Posted: Dec 05, 2003 11:57 AM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

ok this is what i did and why
i really always thought my sister would be my MOH . unfortunatley she died last year but since i felt the wedding would not be the same i invited her 2 best friends to be the bm's and i am having my best friend as the MOH - i am using my sister's best friend's daughter as the flowergirl. thsi made my work rather easy and i am using the only female cousin who fit the age bracket as my jr bm.
this way i have a bit of family - my best friend which was important to me - and i still fee like i have my sister there cause i have the 3 people who were a huge part of her life.
alot of people tried to tell me who i should have but in the end i went with what felt right to me - i plan on explaining who everyone is in the programs then i think people will get it better - but i didnt let anyone else's opinion change what i did - i had to do what made me comfortable no matter what anyone else said
hope that helps -

flyin'bride Posted: Dec 05, 2003 12:04 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I did not have the same problem (FH is an only child). I would agree with one of the earlier posts, keep it to just family (or future family) and your friends should understand. They will still be there to celebrate with you!

Bacardi527 Posted: Dec 05, 2003 05:07 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

I recieved hell from FMIL because I chose not to put any of her daughters in my bridal party - I didnt want to hurt his sisters feelings there are 3 of them and I love them all but the party would be too big- I only wanted 4 girls- and added on 2 more but I cant please everybody- my FMIL even went as far as to threaten to not let her granddaughter be the flowergirl because Im not putting her girls in- I would suggest that you pick and stick with the girls that you want and leave the rest- they will get over it if they are true friends- I personally witnessed the HELL my cousin went through because- not wanting to hurt anyones feelings- she had 11 girls- she cried and cursed everyday-this is your wedding and the planning should be done with minimal stress- Do what you feel is in your heart to do- if you just want your 2 sisters then do that and give the rest other things to make them feel like they are participating- (like I am having my FSIL decorate for the ceremony) Good Luck

palebride Posted: Dec 05, 2003 05:12 PM

Re: Did everyone have this problem? kinda long

i say you choose who you want - its your wedding and if you want to keep it only family, you have the right to...and your friends should respect that!
good luck