did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

antoinette Posted: Jan 14, 2005 10:50 AM

did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

my sil, we have been friends for 6 years, she actually set me up with my dh
she is married to my dh's brother. Dh and brother are extremely close and hang out constantly
so naturally we have become friends over the years. Just recently within the past few years our friendship
has kind of gone downhill. Through the years, I have noticed that we really dont have much in common although
we lead fairly similar lives and we are both married and preggo- we dont think on the same wavelength. Every time
we get off the phone I feel badly about myself and the conversation. Also becuase we married to brothers nothing is sacred,
everything that I say to her gets relayed back to my bil. I know that they are constantly analyzing my life- bil knows everything
that I tell her. Despite all of these issues I have remained friends with her simply not to make waves in the family. We have all the
same family members beucase of our relationship. I too am not innocent, I am guilty of many of the things that I dont like
about her as well. I feel that we bring out the worst in each other. I try to avoud her to get some time away becuase we are always
around one another becuase of the family, but this only makes things ten times worse. i dont know what to do, I dont feel comfortable
going to her with this becuase she is sensitive and will definitely take this the wrong way- she is very need and gets extremely offended
at the slightest things. She gets personally offended if I dont come out becuase i dont feel well- thats the kind of person she is.
I dont know what to do.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 14, 2005 10:54 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

I've stopped being friends with someone because I didn't like being with them anymore---A little bit of a different situation than what you're talking about...

Your case might be a little hairy. Do you have to definitively break things off with her? Can't you just continue to avoid her? Do your own things? I'm not close with my SIL, but then again I never really was...So...Hmmm...I'm not sure...

MrsTC Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:03 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

Well...to answer your question - Yes, i have 'broken up' with friends. Just like a dating relationship, it came to the point where it was not working anymore. However, since she is your SIL she is going to be in your life as long as you are married to your DH! Since she gets offended so easily, if it was me I would back off of the relationship a little and try to set some space. I think in this case you have to tolerate her.

LoriH Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:10 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

Since she is you SIL it is a really difficult situation. I would just give the relationship a little more space. Slowly pull away from her a little at a time. Don't tell her as much but just enough that she doesn't think you are blowing her off completely. Good luck.

nov04LIbride Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:12 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

You have a great excuse by being pregnant to act like you are too busy--don't call her, and when she calls, keep it short--say you have to go. Don't be rude, but be short, and not encouraging. Hopefully she'll get the idea, without it being a huge family issue and making it uncomfortable when you see her.

SomethingBlu Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:22 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

In short, yes. My SIL as well. She was my best friend in Jr. High and ended up marrying my brother. I really had to stop talking to her and relate to her nw only in a SIL/brother's wife capacity. Nothing more.

I kow it's hard, but there's nothing worse than toxic relationships. They just make you feel yucky!

AnnBrunoXO Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:28 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

I would really just keep my distance with her and not confide in her with your feelings or how you feel -just keep your relationship simple, have simple conversations - and try to keep things non-confrontational if you can - nothing is worse than having a bad relationship with your inlaws especially since the brothers are so close!
Best Wishes on your pregnancy!

Edited for spelling

Kriss2c Posted: Jan 14, 2005 11:39 AM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

I would slowly start distancing yourself now....

try to make an effort not to tell her things you would rather not have come back at you.

Is it possible that, since you are both pregnant, that this hightened sensitivity is just the result of increased hormone levels??

christy Posted: Jan 15, 2005 02:28 PM

Re: did you ever have to get out of a friendship becuase It wasnt making you feel good?

Unfortunately, through the years this has happened to me several times. I try to focus on positive friendships. I rather have 2-3 good friends than a lot that make me feel awful. It is hard, but you need to do what is best for you.