Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 09:52 AM

Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

...This past weekend I posted a request for prayers for my mom's friend who has ovarian cancer and then I found out that after the doctor's told her the chemo wasn't working, she has decided to accept hospice. My mom seems to be taking this okay, but I have been fighting back tears since Sunday. Last night I fell asleep crying and woke up in the middle of the night, cold and afraid and thinking of this woman, I had a hard time falling back to sleep and when I woke up to go to work, I started crying again.

Why is this affecting me so badly? My mom knows that her friend will be going to a better place where she will finally meet up with her husband who died 8 years ago, but I can't help but cry.

Help me stop crying. I am at work and I don't want to become a wreck here.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 09:59 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, need some cheering up...

It's so hard because she is your mother's friends (presumably the same age bracket, and a young one at that). The idea that a parent is mortal is overwhelming when you expect them to be there for you and it shakes you to the core when you realize that may not happen.

I can't say anything to make you feel better, maybe a cup of tea or a walk around the block will help clear your head enough that you can focus on work a little.

danigirl0 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 10:01 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, need some cheering up...

i understand. i went through something lik this a year ago with my parents friend. i think it was harder for me to accept because i looked at the situation and thought about what it would be like losing my parents. i couldn take that. an hen i thought about the people they were leaving behind. and i thought about the fear of the person who knew they didnt have much time left.

tha made it extremely difficlt for me to undrstand. i thik the bst thing, like you said, is to think of it as she WILL be going to a better place. think of the peace tha she will finally embrace, and the joy she will have meeting with her husband agian. think of he celebration she will have with that scenario, and how she will be watchin down on everyone without the pain and suffereing now.

i hope i made snese and that you will take comfort in what i said. lots of love and peace for everyone around you!

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 10:16 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

Thanks ladies. It DOES have a lot to do with the fact that she is my mom's friend and close in age to my mom and that makes my mom's mortality more real.

I guess I should feel fortunate to have known her and cherish those memories. This is just so hard because she is SO nice and SO kind and loving and giving. I know that people always say that about people who are dying or have died, but this woman has always been great since I met her long before she lost her husband or got sick herself.

This is just going to be a difficult time for a lot of people and we will need to depend on one another a lot.

Any other words or wisdom are greatly appreciated now.

wacky Posted: Jan 08, 2004 10:18 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

Its hard because its sad and death is a very hard thing to accept.

jennbaby Posted: Jan 08, 2004 10:23 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

I hope you feel better soon, no words just

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 10:53 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

Thanks for the 's. They do mean a lot.

Donna Posted: Jan 08, 2004 11:14 AM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

No words either to help you stop crying. It's probably just a release you need. Everything everyone has mentioned made so much sense. I just was at a wake last night for one of my mom's friend - I made sure to give my mom an extra hug since I was able to do so.

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 12:42 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

I gave my mom a hug this morning before I left, too.

I am not crying anymore..for now anyway.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 08, 2004 12:43 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work

Jen_n_Dale Posted: Jan 08, 2004 12:54 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

I can't tell you how many times I cried when I would see my grandmother hooked up on a vent trying to pull it out of her. Her nursing home was near where I worked, so I stopped there often. It was like going to see E.T. I had to wear a face shield, hospital gown and rubber gloves. Every day my mom and I would cry. We still cry about it. The biggest relief was when she did pass. She looked so peaceful and human. No tubes connected to her. We could finally touch and hold her with nothing on.

Although she hadn't looked like herself in the nursing home, Ruland funeral parlor did an amazing job. My grandma was back.

I did not cry at all at the wake because she looked beautiful. I was feeling so guilty because she always would tell me I would not cry for her. But when the funeral came, I bawled like a baby. I couldn't breathe because I knew this was it.

It is the missing them part that is so hard. We all know we are going to go but it is the fact of letting go someone we love.

May your mom's friends journey into her new life be peaceful. Prayers are with you and her.

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 01:02 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

Thanks for the support.

Sidenote: the woman who is suffering right now is a wonderful crafty knitter, baker type and my mom said she has been looking forward to my wedding because I am going to be the fun bride who will want pretty pew bows and things (most of the weddings for the children of my mom's friends have been very plain). She has been very eager to see what creative ideas I will come up with (and want their group of friends to make)

I guess I have to go on to the fun bride so Mrs. C. can smile down on me.

Jen_n_Dale Posted: Jan 08, 2004 01:08 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

She'll be with you! I am going to incorporate my grandma in the ceremony because she wanted to see me get married. Before she got her surgery done she asked the doctor if she'll make it for my wedding and the doctor said she would.

So I am leaving an empty seat with a small bouquet of roses for where she would have sat.

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 02:20 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

Just when I thought I had it under control, I closed my office door to eat my lunch and the waterworks started all over again. I hate this feeling.

Why is cancer so evil?

Jen_n_Dale Posted: Jan 08, 2004 02:24 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

I don't know. Having 3 out of grandparents die from it. 2 were so young. Early 50's. I had posted in a earlier thread, we can send men to the moon, spend millions upon millions to send a robot to collect data on mars but they can't come up with a cure???

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Jan 08, 2004 02:27 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

xjulietx Posted: Jan 08, 2004 02:44 PM

Re: Didn't sleep well, help me stop crying...I'm at work--UPDATE: Finally got under control)

I lost my grandfather and great-unlce to cancer, but I was too young to remember my grandpa suffering and my great-uncle lived in another state so I didn't see him get really sick.

This is the first time cancer is in my face and OUCH it hurts.