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Dilemma

kSa2010 Posted:

Dilemma

Hey,

I’m writing this post with a lot of pain in my heart and tears in my eyes. My fiancé and his ex have split for three years in which they both have moved or so we thought. The reason for the break up is, she wanted to be with a friend of his who is married, and now that she has ruin her relationship and he is not willing to leave his wife for her, she decided to take it out on my fiancé. Prior to us moving in together, they both has settle on an agreed amount that he should be paying for both his son and daughter. One of the stipulations I the agreement was for his son's school fee to be split in half. My fiancé didn't want to hide anything so he told her we were moving in together, that's when she decided that she will not pay her half because he is in her term 'Big Balling now.' Upon learning through his mother (who doesn't like me because I refuse to talk negative about her son) she decided to take him to court for child support. With his mother supporting this and insisting that she goes through with the support, she did and the judge awarded way more than my fiancé can pay. Both judges didn't even take in consideration that she makes way more than him. When all the money is deducted from his check, he only brings home $294 every two weeks. This is putting a strain on us because we have rent, con ed, other bills and a wedding (hopefully) to pay for. Then to make matters worst, she doesn't allow my fiancé to see his two children unless it's on her terms, and it's usually when she has to go out or do something. She told him in email that if he wants to see his children he has to come to her home and see them which makes no sense because we have an apartment. We have visited to lawyers in regards to this matter and they told us our case is hopeless not even reviewing out documents in full. One just told knocked us down you would think he was then judge. The ironic thing is both lawyers told us they would take the case, but they doubt anything will change. We decided against it because we can’t waste money that we don't have and when we both are struggling. We honestly don't know what else to do because at a time when we are supposed to be happy, we're being knocked down. I would appreciate any advice or suggestion on how to handle this matter from anyone.

Thanks in advance.
pa56 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

I'm very sorry you and your fiancee, and his kids, are going through this. All children need their dads and it's so sad that he can't be with them as much as he wants to.

Could you have a small wedding, perhaps in a relatives home, to alleviate some of the financial strain?
Cacarina Posted:

Re: Dilemma

I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have much advice but to just keep doing the right thing and I am sure things will work out in the end. Good things happen to good people.

Its2Snappy Posted:

Re: Dilemma

There's a few things going on in your situation. 1) If your fiance cannot handle the burden of child supporter that the court mandated, then he must go back to court to refile. 2) If there is no 'supervised' visits, then he is free to take his children anywhere he pleases. If she does not allow it, refile and ask the court to appoint a lawyer for the child. This is free, and works ONLY in the child's best interest. Either way, unfortunately, it's going to be back to court. I went through family court for YEARS fighting for rights to see my brother after my mom passed, and my father went through drug problems. It was horrible, and I'm sorry for anyone that has to go through it. I would hire a lawyer to go back to court, but make sure it's one that's willing to fight for you.

lila Posted:

Re: Dilemma

you also might want to see if someone will take the case pro bono. a lot of law firms and law schools have programs where they will take cases like this for free. not sure if you would qualify but it's worth a shot

alli3131 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

THe child support is set by law...so since he has 2 kids is a a certain %. He may be able to get it reduced but unless it is extreme financial hardship (losing job doesn;t even qualify most times) then what is set probably won't be changed. I would however fight the visitation.

Since money is so tight I suggest going to one of the law schools......they all have clinics where a student will handle your case under the supervision of one of the professors.

I went to Touro law and they have a great Family law clinic that has helped many people.

Good Luck!
eoconnell09 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

I am soooo sorry to hear this! Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out!

She certainly seems as though she does not have her children's best interests at heart!
Brat23 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

I have to agree with the others. Unfortunately she is entitled to 33% of his salary. But if they have no custody issues or agreement then he can petition the courts for set visitation where they will set something up for him in black and white and both parties have to agree and abide by it.

It is a tough situation to be in. If you love your hall and don't want to give it up, figure a way you can keep it and skimp on other things.

Also yo can look for ways to cut money in the home life that is what we did. We stopped buying certain things share one car even though we have 2 we take the car that requires less gas etc....

We don't eat out and we do noy buy anything that is not a nessacity.

I would have him call the family courts directly explain the situation and see what advice they have for you,

Also the colleges idea is a fabulous idea and might just be what you are looking for.!

Fell better! Keep us updated.
kat124 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

Sorry ladies, but its technically not 33% of his salary. This is a misconception.

Take each parent’s income, subtract state and federal taxes.

Add both incomes (mom and dads) after the taxes

Multiply by the appropriate percentage
· 17% for one child
· 25% if 2 kids
· 29% if 3 kids
· 31% if 4 kids
· 35% if 5 or more children

Once you multiply you have the total child support obligation. Then divide each persons income by the combined income in order to get the non custodial parent’s share of child support. (your fiance being the non custodial parent).

Also once he receives the notice in the mail, he has 30 days to appeal it as unjust or inappropriate

I agree with the comment above, if he cant afford a lawyer he can be apointed one by the court, but only as to the visitation issue. In NY you are not entitled to an attorney for the child support issues. Do some research, perhaps a non profit can take your case, or a clinical program at a lawschool (which are free) and visiting 2 attorneys is not enough, visit a few more and ask them to explain to you exactly why its hopeless, what the law is and how its being applied to you.

Good luck and hope it helps.
kSa2010 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

Thanks to everyone who has responded to the post and offer advice and suggestions. I really needed this because I felt like we were both going crazy because we were clueless as to what to do. The funny thing I did left out was the fact that after the judge awarded her the amount she wanted and more, her exact words were, 'Good, now let's see how they have their wedding.

kSa2010 Posted:

Re: Dilemma

Thanks for the info, I will definitely let him know.

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