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Dilemma.....

Mrs Z To Be Posted:

Dilemma.....

Hi Girls,

Please do not quote!

I'm really sorry to vent, as I wish I did not have to.
But I know you will understand on some level.

I have posted about the FMIL before.
She is a REAL peach
Anyhow, she is extremely nosy, and does not know her place.
On some levels, I feel sorry for her, because she is an extremely insecure person, who thrives off of trying to make others feel bad about themselves.
She has said some horrid things to me in the past, things that friends and family think that I am a saint for not telling her where to go a long time ago.
But, my mama did not raise no fool, . , and I do put her in her place when need be, but I do it tactfully so that she has nothing to gossip about.
I also NEVER let her know that she gets to me, asI know that this is how she wins.
My mother and I have been wedding dress shopping. This is OUR thing. She tries to make me feel bad that I have not invited her to come along! Now, if she were not so opinionated & critical, I MIGHT have considered it, but she is CRAZY, and a hater.
I showed her one thing online that I liked , and her response was 'Oh that's ugly, besides you are much too hippy for that'. Can you imagine???!!!
So why on earth weould I bring her with us?
So, she says to me last night, in a tone, 'You know I would like to come next time you go'.
Ummm...How ballsy! Did I ASK you to go? This is the same woman who told me that she did not try for a daughter because FFIL would have payed all of the attention to the daughter.
Then she goes on to tell me 'I heard that the mother of the bride wears Champagne'. ***????
Is she out of her mind??
Ugghh......she s u c k s.
I guess it makes me feel bad that I have to be sneaky about going wedding gown shopping WITH MY OWN MOTHER because she is a psycho!!!


Ah, feel better ! lol.
08JulyBride Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Could you somehow say that dress shopping is something special that you & your mom really want to do together...? Maybe at the same time suggest something else you'd like her to be a part of to lessen the blow?

Juhgail Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

You should be really proud of yourself.

This is the way people with class act. Let her live her life in her world and her bubble.

You don't say anything back because it wont help and she will win.

You keep doing what you are doing. Keep your dignity and self respect. Dont go to her level!

But most of all DONT invite her to go shopping. Basically its TOO bad!

I was on who wants to be a millionaire and HAD to invite one person. My FH told me all he heard from this person was 'UGH! She doesent know this?' UGH, that was so easy.'

well, WHO GOT ON THE SHOW AND WHO DIDNT!!!!!!!!

So I know somewhat of what you say.

Dont ruin your shopping by bringing her. There will be some things in this whole process you are going to have to say 'truck you' about things and do what YOU want.
Lsorrent Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

I would just tell her that this is something you want to be between just you and your mother. She can't argue that, and if she does, then whatever. Explain that once you make a decision, she can see it and MAYBE even come for a fitting.

My FMIL is nowhere as bad as yours, and understands why I didn't ask her to come gown hunting. But I have told her that when the gown comes in, she can come to a fitting to see it. I didn't want her to think I was completely leaving her out.
Mrs Z To Be Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Posted by Lsorrent

I would just tell her that this is something you want to be between just you and your mother. She can't argue that, and if she does, then whatever. Explain that once you make a decision, she can see it and MAYBE even come for a fitting.

My FMIL is nowhere as bad as yours, and understands why I didn't ask her to come gown hunting. But I have told her that when the gown comes in, she can come to a fitting to see it. I didn't want her to think I was completely leaving her out.


That;s what I was thinking.
HOWEVER, I know her, and she will show the dress to everyone, somehow find out how much it is, and blab. This is the real dilemma.
Your FMIL obviously has the common decency to know her place, and accept your answers. You are very lucky.
Mrs Z To Be Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Posted by 08JulyBride

Could you somehow say that dress shopping is something special that you & your mom really want to do together...? Maybe at the same time suggest something else you'd like her to be a part of to lessen the blow?


I guess I will got this route, even though everything with her will be critiqued.

Juhgail Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

You could also just ignore it.

And I dont mean in a childish way. But just dont tell her you are going.

If she asks say you went with you mom. Or you can even say 'I didnt realize you were serious about that.'

Just play it down. But dont tell her your going Just go.
JenBill61210 Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

tell her you will invite her to a fitting. i am doing the same thing with FMIL. FMIL said something about wanting to go dress shopping, but I want to go dress shopping w/ just my sister and mom. I will invite FMIL to a fitting to make her happy.

TheLadyJ Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

I regret asking my FMIL to go dress shopping with me. I thought it would be nice since she claimed both her daughters pretty much excluded her from their wedding planning.

I heard that while I was trying on dresses, she actually said out loud 'If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't get married'. Nice thing to say in a room with a bunch of people excited to be getting married.

She actually made an 'ick' sound at one dress I tried on and told another girl her dress was 'too skimpy' . They didn't ask for her opinion.

And then she spent most of the day talking about how she is so worried about this daughter, and that daughter, and blah blah blah. Um, it was supposed to be a happy day (and dare I say about me) and she was basically crying on my shoulder at one point about all her family problems. Afterwards my sister was like 'what's her deal' because she thought it was really rude of her to use our dress shopping day as a therapy session.
stinenandy2010 Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

OMG!!!!!! We must have the same fmil!!!! Seriously, it freaky

My fmil wanted to take me dress shopping, I told her politely that this was something between my mother and I (whom, I'm very close with) Then she told me she was wearing champagne and a veil to the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I solved this problem by going dress shopping with her....although I don't really care for her, I decided to just keep the peace and ask her if she would like me to go dress shopping with her. I made it sound like it was all about her and how we should make a girls days out of it. I would suggest trying to do the same.
Mrs Z To Be Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Posted by stinenandy2010

OMG!!!!!! We must have the same fmil!!!! Seriously, it freaky

My fmil wanted to take me dress shopping, I told her politely that this was something between my mother and I (whom, I'm very close with) Then she told me she was wearing champagne and a veil to the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I solved this problem by going dress shopping with her....although I don't really care for her, I decided to just keep the peace and ask her if she would like me to go dress shopping with her. I made it sound like it was all about her and how we should make a girls days out of it. I would suggest trying to do the same.


I know Christine!!
I've read some of your other posts...they should get together!!
stinenandy2010 Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Posted by Mrs Z To Be

Posted by stinenandy2010

OMG!!!!!! We must have the same fmil!!!! Seriously, it freaky

My fmil wanted to take me dress shopping, I told her politely that this was something between my mother and I (whom, I'm very close with) Then she told me she was wearing champagne and a veil to the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I solved this problem by going dress shopping with her....although I don't really care for her, I decided to just keep the peace and ask her if she would like me to go dress shopping with her. I made it sound like it was all about her and how we should make a girls days out of it. I would suggest trying to do the same.


I know Christine!!
I've read some of your other posts...they should get together!!


at least twice a year you can find my fmil at pilgrim state
susanafernandes82 Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

We all most have the same FMIL. My FMIL gave me a list of 25 people to invite to the wedding and i have no idea who they are and she told me that thier all her friends and was as a reputation to withheld and they need to be invited. But never once did she ask if we needed help to pay for the wedding or anything. which I would say no to get a single dime for. bc she that type of person that will never let go that she paid for the wedding and all that ish. my parents have being helping to pay for tsome things for the wedding and my dad's been out of work right now bc he got hurt at work. But my FMIL is single has a fantastic job that pay 6figures no mortage on a house and she gets money from another house that she rents. Also she had the nerve to tell me that her dress has alot more beas and rhinestone then mine and i should maybe tell them to put more so she doesnt out stage me. grrrrrrrr

MarjorieFrank Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Wow, that su ck s! I don't even think FMIL even considered going dress shopping with me! That is not her place IMO, unless you have a real close relationship with her and want her there.
Obvi, that is not the case with you! LoL.
Soon2bMrsH Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Posted by Juhgail

You could also just ignore it.

And I dont mean in a childish way. But just dont tell her you are going.

If she asks say you went with you mom. Or you can even say 'I didnt realize you were serious about that.'

Just play it down. But dont tell her your going Just go.


i know this sounds childish, but i would do the same. just ignore her. dont tell her when you are going, just go and find your dress and be happy!
Scarpak Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Just tell her that shopping for your dress is something special for you and your mom, and you want your dress to be a surprise for everyone else on the day of. The next time she says she wants to go next time, politely say 'I am sorry, but that is something special for me and my mom' or something like that. I have problems with the FILs too.

MikesBride2B Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

There were people that got upset with me because I didn't take them dress shopping...I just told them that it was something that I did only with my Mother, since I am her only daughter and I wanted it to be something special between the two of us. Once I picked out a dress I offered to take these people to the store so they could see me in the dress and they were happy to be involved in that way.


You can tell FMIL the same thing and if she doesn't like it, tell her too effing bad.
MrsCM Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

That's rude and inappropriate! I would say 'Dress shopping is something that I told mom would be our thing. I think she knows my style well enough, but thank you!'

Cassie15 Posted:

Re: Dilemma.....

Most MIL gives the brides to be a hard time. In fact, it doesn't get any better after marriage so I understand how you feel. It just takes time for them to get used to you b/c you're going to be part of their family and mothers are protective of their children particularly her boy. Ignore the nonsense and go about your plans. Honestly, once you get married, other than family dinners and holidays, you won't be dealing with her that much. Remember the wedding is about you and your FH. Don't worry too much about the MIL, she will learn to accept and respect you in due time. As for now, bickering with her is not going to resolve anything. I say let them be.

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