Dilemma..

So my FH cheated on me back in the beginning of our relationship. Long story short it was this girl he worked with. He switched offices he supposedly stop talked/seeing her after that.... it took a long time but we worked through it. So now fast forward to today and I find out they talked a few times over gmail to help with her homework for school. He didnt tell me beforehand instead covered up..and I found out on my own terms. Now im questioning the wedding/relationship. He told me last time he told me hed do anything to stay and I said to never talk/see her again and here we are and he did....granted not see in person but still converse and not tell me.

What would you ladies do??

Im confused and heartbroken.

You need to question wether or not this situation is enough to trash your entire relationship. FH and I went through something similar a while back (granted he was VERY drunk when our 'incident' happened) and I realized that whatever b u l l s h i t it was, wasnt worth trashing 7 years of a good relationship. If your that uncomfortable with what he did then maybe reconsider your wedding/relationship. Ultimately only you can make the decision regardless of the advice that is given to you. If you want to talk more about this feel free to FM me. Good luck to you

I'm sorry that you are going through this

Only you can make the decision about something like this. The best advice I could give is that you need to be comfortable with your relationship and you need to both be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it openly. He should have came to you when she emailed him, so that you wouldn't find out about it and feel betrayed. Sometimes mistakes happen though, if it's just a one time thing he thought he was protecting you and he wasn't, maybe he realizes that now? Talk to him about it and see if he understands why you are hurt by it. If you are able to openly discuss it together and you feel good about it in the end then your relationship will be ok!!

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Posted by natalierose1085

I'm sorry that you are going through this

Only you can make the decision about something like this. The best advice I could give is that you need to be comfortable with your relationship and you need to both be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it openly. He should have came to you when she emailed him, so that you wouldn't find out about it and feel betrayed. Sometimes mistakes happen though, if it's just a one time thing he thought he was protecting you and he wasn't, maybe he realizes that now? Talk to him about it and see if he understands why you are hurt by it. If you are able to openly discuss it together and you feel good about it in the end then your relationship will be ok!!

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this! I am sorry you have to deal with this. I am big on trust so I can imagine how terrible you feel. I feel that if you are entering into a marriage there should be no secrets between the two people. It is definitely something you should discuss and listen to your heart. Good luck!

Sorry you are going through this. Maybe see a couples counselor or your priest (not sure if your getting married in the church). I think your relationship is worth trying everything and a fresh perspective might help.

Also, not to be negative but were you snooping? If you were it says you two still have trust issues. Another view, he didn't delete it bc he felt he did nothing wrong or he wanted you to see. I don't know but as a couple these are questions you need to explore. Good luck.

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Posted by McC2McM

Hi honey, I'm going to be brutally honest here. Honesty and trust are imperative for a successful marriage. Don't put blinders on and forge forward with the wedding and just take his word. You will regret it at some point in time. I agree with Sandr325. Couples counseling is required. First time - shame on him. Second time - shame on you. If it were me, and I even considered taking him back, I would insist on the counseling, if he wants you in his life. He needs to hear from a professional how his disloyalty affects you and how cheating of any sort is NOT cool. You're still almost 6 months out from your wedding and you have the time to invest in it. It sounds like you were already suspicious of some shady behavior. I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life - especially after children are involved - wondering what he's doing. If he refuses counseling, I would walk away. A cancelled wedding is a lot less expensive than a divorce down the line. On the upside, the counseling may give you the peace of mind you deserve as a forgiving and intelligent woman and cause him to put his ego aside ...and really understand that his actions have consequences. I hope I'm not sounding like Debbie-Downer, but this is exactly what I would tell one of my friends or family member. Use your self-respect to do what you need to do. (((Hugs)))

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I agree with this as well. Counseling is a great way to work this out. It is difficult to really do it on your own. You need to be dedicated to each other and have that ultimate level of open honesty and trust.

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Posted by angelicd77

You need to question wether or not this situation is enough to trash your entire relationship. FH and I went through something similar a while back (granted he was VERY drunk when our 'incident' happened) and I realized that whatever b u l l s h i t it was, wasnt worth trashing 7 years of a good relationship. If your that uncomfortable with what he did then maybe reconsider your wedding/relationship. Ultimately only you can make the decision regardless of the advice that is given to you. If you want to talk more about this feel free to FM me. Good luck to you

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Completely agree and very well said!

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Posted by McC2McM

Hi honey, I'm going to be brutally honest here. Honesty and trust are imperative for a successful marriage. Don't put blinders on and forge forward with the wedding and just take his word. You will regret it at some point in time. I agree with Sandr325. Couples counseling is required. First time - shame on him. Second time - shame on you. If it were me, and I even considered taking him back, I would insist on the counseling, if he wants you in his life. He needs to hear from a professional how his disloyalty affects you and how cheating of any sort is NOT cool. You're still almost 6 months out from your wedding and you have the time to invest in it. It sounds like you were already suspicious of some shady behavior. I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life - especially after children are involved - wondering what he's doing. If he refuses counseling, I would walk away. A cancelled wedding is a lot less expensive than a divorce down the line. On the upside, the counseling may give you the peace of mind you deserve as a forgiving and intelligent woman and cause him to put his ego aside ...and really understand that his actions have consequences. I hope I'm not sounding like Debbie-Downer, but this is exactly what I would tell one of my friends or family member. Use your self-respect to do what you need to do. (((Hugs)))

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GOOD advice!!!! I agree!

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Posted by angelicd77

You need to question wether or not this situation is enough to trash your entire relationship. FH and I went through something similar a while back (granted he was VERY drunk when our 'incident' happened) and I realized that whatever b u l l s h i t it was, wasnt worth trashing 7 years of a good relationship. If your that uncomfortable with what he did then maybe reconsider your wedding/relationship. Ultimately only you can make the decision regardless of the advice that is given to you. If you want to talk more about this feel free to FM me. Good luck to you

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I agree with this. It doesn't sound like he cheated again. Should he have spoken to her after you specifically asked him not to? No, definitely not. If he was legitimately just helping with homework (it IS strange that there was no one else on earth who could help her), he probably didn't want to upset you. Guys do stupid things. They don't think like we do. To him, this may have not seemed like a big deal. If he wanted to be with her, she'd have the ring, not you.
I do think you need to make it absolutely clear that this is unacceptable. If you feel couples counseling would help, go for it. But to throw away a relationship and engagement over him not mentioning that he helped this chick with her homework via gchat seems a little extreme to me, regardless of how dumb it was on his part. That's what it sounds like to me- dumb, but not malicious.
No one's relationship is perfect. You have a lifetime of imperfect moments ahead of you- we all do, and to think otherwise is naive. Relationships are hard and sometimes they annoy the poop out of you. If you are happy and love him and trust that this was just a stupid mistake on his part, I wouldn't let it question your decision to marry him. Just make sure this stops here and no communication with her is ok, even if it is entirely innocent.