Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:20 AM

Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

We recently sent our invitations and naturally they are slow in coming back our RSVP date is 7/31 with our wedding being 8/21, our CH wants the final count 2 weeks before which is 8/7...ok....I realize people are busy and they will send them eventually, however FH and I both agreed we would not telephone any guests after the rsvp deadline (we have a wedding website with all the info as well ans sent out STD's)....so I suggested sending the guests our own version of a 'regret' card to them if their rsvp is not sent back....we have been dealing with this rsvp issue with our e-party, the shower (this weekend), and probably our upcoming bachelor/bachelorette parties....he does not understand how people have no etiquette, I do. So this is the question, should I have a card made up and mailed out or ignore the non-rsvp's....I don't want stragglers showing up at our wedding! I'm in my final printing process with thank you cards, menus, seat maps, etc.....help

LADYLUV69 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:32 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I believe you should send a card out. People are so inconsiderate. If you are coming or not send the RSVP back. My deadline is 6/30/04. Any invites post dated after 6/30/04 they will be getting a phone call saying 'Thanks but no thanks you missed the deadline.' At the reception hall right next to the seating chart there will be a sign which states ' If your name is not on the seating chart is because you were not invited or you failed to send the RSVP before the deadline date of 6/30/04.' FH and I agree it is not fair for the other guest who did what they were asked to do on time. We are not P Diddy or the Donald; therefore, we do not have their bank accounts. More likely the ones who don't send back the RSVP on time will likely come empty handed. Don't want to be bothered!!! Harsh but that's how I flow!!

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:52 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

WOW you and my FH speak from the same mouth LOL I am going to print your reply and show him, but you're right it is rude, thanks....did you notice how many hits this question got but only 1 response, the women on here kill me sometimes, and I know their a***s are going thru the same dilemma, sitting at home watching the mailbox!

SeptWed Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:53 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I think I am going to call people.....I have known people who show up at weddings and I would feel wrong telling them they can't come in because they missed a deadline. I actually think i will have my Mom or Dad call.

dkwife Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:57 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

Posted by SeptWed

I think I am going to call people.....I have known people who show up at weddings and I would feel wrong telling them they can't come in because they missed a deadline. I actually think i will have my Mom or Dad call.

I'm thinking of doing the same, LADYLUV69's idea is a little harsh IMO... You invite people to the wedding to share in your special day, I would think a phone call would be in order first... I would hate to show up to a wedding where I RSVP'd a day late and they tell me to go home. IMO, that is not right either.

wc0143 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:09 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

JMO, I think it's just as rude to send another card (or post something at the wedding about the delinquent responders!).

You don't think it is MORE of a hassle/expense to make up cards, address & mail than making phone calls?

aimerliny Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:25 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

Posted by wc0143

JMO, I think it's just as rude to send another card (or post something at the wedding about the delinquent responders!).

You don't think it is MORE of a hassle/expense to make up cards, address & mail than making phone calls?

I agree. I think phone calls are most appropriate and a quick solution to the problem.

IreneinChicago Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:55 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I think a phone call is appropriate. Things happen people, unless you invited people you never wanted there in the first place, I think making a quick call as a reminder is a lot easier than making new cards, sending, postage etc. I couldn't imagine univiting people because they were late in RSVPing. My family would never live it down.

LADYLUV69 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 01:10 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

My family and friends know how I flow, so they either get on the ball or not. I'm not the type of person to sugar coat anything. I would never hold on to a person's RSVP and not send it back. The purpose of the RSVP is so the bride & groom can get a count of people attending the reception to the caterer. My invites went out May 2 and the RSVP is June 30. That is plenty of time to say 'Yeah' or 'Nay' I've sent out 170 invitations and as of 6/23 a total of 143 responded. Hey that's pretty good to me and I'm cool with it.

alixgirl Posted: Jun 24, 2004 01:30 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I think you should call. It also amazes me how rude people can be. For example I get to call my cousin tomorrow and inform her that the reception is adult only so therefore she cannot bring her 2 grandchildren especially considering that fact that I invited her and her husband and she has added her daughter and 2 grandchildren so instead of the 2 now I get 5! I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!

marymoon Posted: Jun 24, 2004 04:12 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

Honestly, I've never heard of sending a card. What would it say? I don't know about the notice at the wedding either. It' s heinously inconsiderateof them to not send back the RSVP on time, but I think like so much else in all this planning, we have to just suck it up and call them

WeDidIt! Posted: Jun 24, 2004 05:50 AM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I had a letter that I was going to send, it went something like this...

Dear Friend,
I am writing because I failed to receive a response to the invitation that was sent to you for XXXXXXXX wedding. As such I presume that you will be unable to attend the ceremony or the reception.
I regret that you will be unable to celebrate with us on that day. I do ask that you remember them in your prayers.

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXXXX

The letter would have been signed by my mother. I ended up not sending it, only because my MOH's made calls for me. If I had to complete that task, the letters would have went out.

I honestly don't see anything wrong with sending a letter.

LADYLUV69 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 04:36 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

Wedidit that was a very nice letter. Personnally I see nothing wrong with it. I'm tired of lazy and inconsiderate people.

Janine24 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 04:39 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I would just call... I think it's quicker and easier...

palebride Posted: Jun 24, 2004 04:48 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

anyone that didnt' RSVP to our wedding got a call from one of the mothers......we let them know who hadn't responded and they made the phone calls.
i understand that it's frustrating that people don't send back rsvp's and i generally send them out a day or two after i receive them personally....but you have to remember that people have things going on in their lives, and while this wedding is the first thing on your mind and you think about it constantly, they don't....and they might misplace the card. or might think they sent it out, but didn't yet..
i think it's most appropriate and considerate to make a phone call, if only to remind people

ChristineC68 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 04:57 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I would wait out your RSVP date plus 3 then start making calls. I really wouldn't worry about stragglers just showing up at your wedding.

bridzilla Posted: Jun 24, 2004 05:10 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I just posted about my RSVP dilemma. I'm too scared to tell people they can't come. The parents are making calls next week. And for any stragglers, I'll tell the maitre'd to send them away. Besides, my hall won't feed them.
I would never hold on to someone's RSVP, especially to a wedding. Do they think this is some half-a**ed birthday party where we are just buying pizza and beer?!? Come on!
I want to go on the news and announce that anyone not sending a RSVP is not allowed on the grounds of the Vanderbilt. But that would really make me a bridezilla!

tina_cuse01 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 05:13 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

When my sister wed last summer my mom, me, and her MIL called those that hadn't rsvp'd. I plan on putting the same plan into action. I also don't understand why people have such little etiquitte with these matters. How hard is it to check a box and put it in the mail, you don't even need to get your own stamp. LOL.

jvs77 Posted: Jun 24, 2004 05:44 PM

Re: Dilemma....regarding RSVP's

I plan on calling people b/c it's possible that their invite got lost in the mail, their response card got lost in the mail, or a number of other reasons (maybe they were out of town and missed the deadline). No matter what the reason, the people we invited are all important to us, so I would want to be 100% sure about whether or not they are able to attend.