Disappointed with FH...

So FH basically told me last night that he doesn't want to do any wedding planning for at least a year... He said he wanted to spend one year 'enjoying' the engagement and then 2 years planning the wedding, so basically a 3 year engagement. I know there's nothing wrong with that, I just didn't know that getting engaged and everything was going to be on FH's schedule, so I am wondering if maybe he's scared to start planning because of something else. I mean, he's telling me that EVERYONE has long engagements like this (no one we know, I might add) and when my mom told him I had found a dress I wanted to try on, he said 'I don't want you dress shopping for at least a year...what if you change you're mind?' Now, I agree with the second part, but whats the harm in looking? He's acting like he's an EXPERT when in reality, I am in the one who has worked as a DOC and really know the business...he's like, 'Don't always go by what they say on LIW.'

I think I'm disappointed because I've been wanting to get engaged for a long time, and when we did, I didn't start planning right away because I too wanted to enjoy the engagement...All we did when we got engaged in July was have an e-party in December...then after the e-party we booked WM and FH was all into it, and now he doesn't want to do anything else. He told me when we got engaged he wanted me to plan the wedding of my dreams, but now he's changing the schedule. I kinda feel like, what's the point in being engaged for so long when there's really nothing holding us back from planning (finances, etc) except for what FH wants. Then when I tell him how I feel, he says, 'Whats the rush?' and I hit a brick wall. I can't get through to him. He kept saying how his brother and wife were together 8 years and had a wedding in a year because they were 'unofficially' engaged for a long time before she got the ring...OK, fine, but our 5 year anniversary is next month and he's acting like I'm rushing a wedding after being together for a year

I haven't really spoken to him last night because I am so upset, and then he's pisssy with me, but I don't really care because I don't want to give in. Now, I feel like I have compromised A LOT for this wedding, and done A LOT for him this year, so I can't understand what his problem is and why he gets mad when I disagree...I mean, I already said we should push the wedding back till 2010 because HE wants me to get my Masters (well I do too, but he's really pushing me, ya know), compromised on a budget (because Mr. Know It All said '15k is plenty!!!!!!!) and lots of other things.

I am just feeling really, really discouraged

Don't feel discouraged hun! Maybe he just needs to see how important this is to you! Are a lot of his friends in serious relationships? I mean I waited a long time to get engaged as well and I wanted to start planning for '09 and FH asked me why '09 and I told him that I didn't want to rush through everything for an '08 wedding. But he wasn't ready to start wedding planning until he went to the first RH then he was fine.. Maybe that's all you have to do, shake him up a little with making appointments. You should talk to him and ask him why he feels he needs a 3 year long engagement when the two of you have been together for 5 years. Men get silly when there is a ring involved and I wouldn't get discouraged because if you love him than everything will work out!

i was having similiar problems with fh , he wanted a say in everything and wasnt willing to compromise at all and everything was on his schedule...we actually sat down and talked about everything like adults and now everythings great...having that sit down was the best thing that we could have done....i noticed that i got alot further with fh being calm so i actually waited to talk to him until i was in a better state of mind...i def recommend this for u ....good luck and keep us posted

I think every few months FHs go through this little thing.

Let it pan out, make suggestions (not right after he gets home from work-trust me I made that mistake!) but when you're both relaxed etc. and you know just non chalantly tell him bits and peices of your planning and I think he'll eventually come around.

Believe me, I've been in your shoes...

im sorry you feel this way
did you and your FH talk about your expectations before you were engaged? FH and I had a few serious talks about getting married before he actually got a ring and proposed - like how long of an engagement did we both want, how long would we wait before we planned, how much did we want to spend on a wedding, how many people would we invite, what kind of ceremony would we want, etc. etc. i think it was smart of FH to want to discuss all these things - to make sure we were both on the same page about our future and what our plan was going to be - doing all this before he proposed was good - we both knew we were ready to get engaged and we knew we would both be going into the engagement with realisitic expectations....did you and your FH talk about all this before getting engaged? if not, then i guess you really can't hold anything against him - for now you both have to compromise a little bit - i know having a long engagment might not be what you want and i can totally understand that - we got engaged in July 07 and are planning a Dec 08 wedding about 17 months engagement - we are 7 months in and the wedding still seems SO far away BUT for us, we knew we needed at least 1 year and a half to save up for the wedding - so maybe your FH has some good reasons for wanting to wait a little longer....my suggestion is to book things along the way every few months to keep you occupied - thats what ive been trying to do and it does make the time go a little quicker and it leaves things to look foward to...

good luck!

men are so annoying! my FH was like that until i sat him down and explained that I will slow down with planning if he understands that we cant wait until the last minute. you both decided what day to get married so its not like you shoved a gun to his head, you know? and he proposed. i think you guys can come to a compromise...maybe you can stop planning a little (like dont go dress shopping until the summer, dont order invites, etc.) if he starts to understand that this is important and you want to get things done. i think LIW kinda psychs you up too much, as i know i was a crazy planning mess when i joined, until FH made me realize that we have time.

OOO I would be sooo disappointed too!!!!!!

why would he BE ALL ABOUT IT in December and not all about it now? I think you need to sit down and talk with him and find out what is making him change his mind. Is it finances? i think a long talk will make you feel better about it all!

i'm so sorryyyy i hope he can come around and see this from your perspective!

I think you need to sit down and talk this through with him. Sounds like theres something else on his mind. Maybe he's worried about it....money... anything...

Go out to a resturant and ask him....

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Posted by Future Mulligan

did you and your FH talk about your expectations before you were engaged? FH and I had a few serious talks about getting married before he actually got a ring and proposed - like how long of an engagement did we both want, how long would we wait before we planned, how much did we want to spend on a wedding, how many people would we invite, what kind of ceremony would we want, etc. etc. i think it was smart of FH to want to discuss all these things - to make sure we were both on the same page about our future and what our plan was going to be - doing all this before he proposed was good - we both knew we were ready to get engaged and we knew we would both be going into the engagement with realisitic expectations....did you and your FH talk about all this before getting engaged? if not, then i guess you really can't hold anything against him - for now you both have to compromise a little bit - i know having a long engagment might not be what you want and i can totally understand that - we got engaged in July 07 and are planning a Dec 08 wedding about 17 months engagement - we are 7 months in and the wedding still seems SO far away BUT for us, we knew we needed at least 1 year and a half to save up for the wedding - so maybe your FH has some good reasons for wanting to wait a little longer....my suggestion is to book things along the way every few months to keep you occupied - thats what ive been trying to do and it does make the time go a little quicker and it leaves things to look foward to...

good luck!

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I agree with this totally and FH did this as well - we had HUGE talks before I got my ring.........did you discuss all of this before 'the ring'? I know you said 'he was all for it in Dec' but did you have a timeline and know how long you would be engaged? When the wedding would be?

I'm sorry to hear about this Now is definitely the time to sit down and have a serious talk with him...that's the only way you can get through this issue..I hope everything works out

have a sit and explain how you feel I think that is the best option!!!

Cheer up and hang in there!

Ohh girl! I'm so sorry!

You need to hav ea sit down .....
and the first sentence out of your mouth should be!

Don't say a word until I am FInished!....
Get everything out.....you should tell him some of the things you said in this post, Men can be rediculous sometimes! Everything will work out in the end.

HTH ;s for you

Im sorry this is happening to you! Tell him what your thinking right now. Tell him how he's making you feel. He loves you, he wants to marry you right? So why should we wait? What's waiting going to do?


Sending you lots of love and hugs!!!

Thanks ladies, it means a lot to me to have people to talk to on this one...

I haven't spoken to FH about it today, but it will definitely come up...I soo agree with everyone else, like what IS he waiting for? HE proposed, did he HONESTLY think I'd get a ring on my finger and NOT want to start planning a wedding? I barely even mention wedding plans because I too want to take my time, but I'd like to feel as if he's involved. Even if I casually mention a photographer or a DJ, he makes a stupid/rude/jerky comment. I don't get it. If he's not ready, I can deal with that, but just let me know.

I'll update again if we smooth things out