Disgusted with one of my BM's

Why do weddings always bring out the true colors in people.

Let's make it short and sweet. So I found out WHEN my shower is but not WHERE. In the same night that i found out when it is, I also found out that this one BM took it upon herself to email all the other BM's telling them that they need to pay x amount of money for the shower.. Keep in mind I have STRESSED I do not want something elaborate.... BUT yet she does not consult my sister who is my MOH. Then i have my girls emailing me telling me what she was doing.. My mother is paying for the brunt of the shower... Her behavior is one reason why we stopped being friends before... I am at the point where I want to just find a replacement for her... Uhhh I need some perspective from some other people.

ok just playing the other card here, not necesarily what I believe is right, but do you think she honestly was trying to help and coordinate everyone so they were all on the same page? That maybe she thought that being in the bridal party gave her some kind of cloiut that she didnt feel she needed to consult with the MOH? If she was a beoch about it then thats a different story, and if she was making up dollar amounts out of her bunghole that too is different.

Are you more upset that she is taking it upon herself to do things without asking or that she isnt understanding that this is your day and not hers and to stop stealing your thunder with all the drama?

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Posted by cammolax23

ok just playing the other card here, not necesarily what I believe is right, but do you think she honestly was trying to help and coordinate everyone so they were all on the same page? That maybe she thought that being in the bridal party gave her some kind of cloiut that she didnt feel she needed to consult with the MOH? If she was a beoch about it then thats a different story, and if she was making up dollar amounts out of her bunghole that too is different.

Are you more upset that she is taking it upon herself to do things without asking or that she isnt understanding that this is your day and not hers and to stop stealing your thunder with all the drama?

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I am by far a bridezilla, i never understood women like that, sooo I told everyone that I wanted something ultra low key for the shower... She was asking every BM for roughly 200 dollars.. The same day that I found out when the shower was all of this came down on me.. I got irate when I heard that she was asking 6 girls for 200 dollars.. Being that i have more male friends then female the shower would be small.. so what kind of shower is going to cost all that money..... The fact that she is now stating that if it wasnt for her nothing would happen SET ME THE EFF OFF... UGGGH lol

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Posted by longislandlibrarian

i've been in Bridal parties where i felt that I wasn't consulted about ANYTHING and it made me sooo mad soooooo soooooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!!but we just kind of all went on our merry way because it was verrry close to the wedding and we didn't want to cause tons of problems...and we dealt with it all after... HOWEVER, I wish we would have all talked about it BEFOREHANd.. i think itw ould have made us all feel more relaxed..so if you have the chance to resolve all of this beforehand, I definitely would!

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Exactly.. but I dont know how much can be resolved....

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Posted by Inkedupkitten

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Posted by cammolax23

ok just playing the other card here, not necesarily what I believe is right, but do you think she honestly was trying to help and coordinate everyone so they were all on the same page? That maybe she thought that being in the bridal party gave her some kind of cloiut that she didnt feel she needed to consult with the MOH? If she was a beoch about it then thats a different story, and if she was making up dollar amounts out of her bunghole that too is different.

Are you more upset that she is taking it upon herself to do things without asking or that she isnt understanding that this is your day and not hers and to stop stealing your thunder with all the drama?

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I am by far a bridezilla, i never understood women like that, sooo I told everyone that I wanted something ultra low key for the shower... She was asking every BM for roughly 200 dollars.. The same day that I found out when the shower was all of this came down on me.. I got irate when I heard that she was asking 6 girls for 200 dollars.. Being that i have more male friends then female the shower would be small.. so what kind of shower is going to cost all that money..... The fact that she is now stating that if it wasnt for her nothing would happen SET ME THE EFF OFF... UGGGH lol

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OMG how much? and you said your mom was putting a lot in? Wow? was the original plan for the girls to chip in at all?

Have you spoken to her in a casual manner about your concerns? I think if you just simply say ' listen my sister has been helping me a lot with all the planning, and I love the fact that you want to do out and take the initiative to do it on your own, but it is getting a little confusing for me to keep things in order. So in the future would you please mind checking with my sister or me before doing anything?'

you think that would fly with her or is she the kind that cant handle this stuff?

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Posted by cammolax23

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Posted by Inkedupkitten

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Posted by cammolax23

ok just playing the other card here, not necesarily what I believe is right, but do you think she honestly was trying to help and coordinate everyone so they were all on the same page? That maybe she thought that being in the bridal party gave her some kind of cloiut that she didnt feel she needed to consult with the MOH? If she was a beoch about it then thats a different story, and if she was making up dollar amounts out of her bunghole that too is different.

Are you more upset that she is taking it upon herself to do things without asking or that she isnt understanding that this is your day and not hers and to stop stealing your thunder with all the drama?

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I am by far a bridezilla, i never understood women like that, sooo I told everyone that I wanted something ultra low key for the shower... She was asking every BM for roughly 200 dollars.. The same day that I found out when the shower was all of this came down on me.. I got irate when I heard that she was asking 6 girls for 200 dollars.. Being that i have more male friends then female the shower would be small.. so what kind of shower is going to cost all that money..... The fact that she is now stating that if it wasnt for her nothing would happen SET ME THE EFF OFF... UGGGH lol

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OMG how much? and you said your mom was putting a lot in? Wow? was the original plan for the girls to chip in at all?

Have you spoken to her in a casual manner about your concerns? I think if you just simply say ' listen my sister has been helping me a lot with all the planning, and I love the fact that you want to do out and take the initiative to do it on your own, but it is getting a little confusing for me to keep things in order. So in the future would you please mind checking with my sister or me before doing anything?'

you think that would fly with her or is she the kind that cant handle this stuff?

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Exactly...... I was floored at the amount....

My sister is now going to be doing it all.. I sent her an email which Im always for talking face to face BUT I do not know if I could say what I want to say without getting angry and flying off the handle....

Wow I would be disgusted as well with her .. but not to play devil's advocate could that be her way of trying to help in a way.. it's a longshot but just had to say that.

I'd be really ticked off as well with her but to ask for that amount from your BM's and MoH that is alot.

I'd keep her at arms length atm.

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Posted by Inkedupkitten

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Posted by cammolax23

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Posted by Inkedupkitten

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Posted by cammolax23

ok just playing the other card here, not necesarily what I believe is right, but do you think she honestly was trying to help and coordinate everyone so they were all on the same page? That maybe she thought that being in the bridal party gave her some kind of cloiut that she didnt feel she needed to consult with the MOH? If she was a beoch about it then thats a different story, and if she was making up dollar amounts out of her bunghole that too is different.

Are you more upset that she is taking it upon herself to do things without asking or that she isnt understanding that this is your day and not hers and to stop stealing your thunder with all the drama?

---

I am by far a bridezilla, i never understood women like that, sooo I told everyone that I wanted something ultra low key for the shower... She was asking every BM for roughly 200 dollars.. The same day that I found out when the shower was all of this came down on me.. I got irate when I heard that she was asking 6 girls for 200 dollars.. Being that i have more male friends then female the shower would be small.. so what kind of shower is going to cost all that money..... The fact that she is now stating that if it wasnt for her nothing would happen SET ME THE EFF OFF... UGGGH lol

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OMG how much? and you said your mom was putting a lot in? Wow? was the original plan for the girls to chip in at all?

Have you spoken to her in a casual manner about your concerns? I think if you just simply say ' listen my sister has been helping me a lot with all the planning, and I love the fact that you want to do out and take the initiative to do it on your own, but it is getting a little confusing for me to keep things in order. So in the future would you please mind checking with my sister or me before doing anything?'

you think that would fly with her or is she the kind that cant handle this stuff?

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Exactly...... I was floored at the amount....

My sister is now going to be doing it all.. I sent her an email which Im always for talking face to face BUT I do not know if I could say what I want to say without getting angry and flying off the handle....

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that is sounding like the best way to do it.. honestly sometimes people get a little more confrontational when they are face to face, so hopefully she will be able to take it with a grain of salt and be a better BM to you... if anything you can threaten her by saying she is going to have to wear this dress if she doesnt snap out of it!!!!

I feel that since you are the Bride..everyone should respect your request for a small bridal shower....Period....Speak to your friend....and express your feelings about her sending out that email...

Hope everything works out for you....

thanks ladies... haha that pic is PERFECT lol......

i think trying to find another BM might be hard since most of my friends are dudes.. lol soooo after the wedding I will be keeping her at more then arms length......

I sent her the email and she responded that she was only trying to help... Ughhh i am so tired of bs drama lol.....

My sister is now handling it all and is telling me that when the BM sees what my sister did (as asked) she will feel absolutely terrible and guilty for backing out on my sister...

FH is telling me to keep in mind that she has been a good friend and has always been there for us and to just understand that people make mistakes.. ha I am not that forgiving I guess. We tend to even each other out.

oh I am so sorry you had to do that! but honestly now it will be able to give you piece of mind and you will be able to enjoy your day, and all others leading up to it, without worries...

are you still inviting her to the wedding?