divorce..

MikeandLisa Posted: Jul 26, 2007 07:37 AM

divorce..

sorry if this post seems like a black cloud on a wedding board, but i think its a realistic one. with the divorce rate being over 50%.. one of my friends just got engaged and she and her FH are having sessions with their priest, to learn to deal with potential problems in the relationship.. is anyone considering anything like pre-marital counseling, etc? what will you do to keep your marriage strong?

qtdimps23 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 08:27 AM

Re: divorce..

FH basically says before we get a divorce he would give me cement shoes. Hopefully it doesnt come to that, but if we need to when the time comes we would consider counseling. We both don't believe in divorce (his parents divorced when he was young) and are willing to do what it takes.

jessandjimiswedding Posted: Jul 26, 2007 08:38 AM

Re: divorce..

we went to pre-cana....like all catholic couples. me and FH bickered ALL the time but it was great! we went over our differences and now we know how we feel about certain things. it totally helped.

MikeandLisa Posted: Jul 26, 2007 08:41 AM

Re: divorce..

Posted by jessandjimiswedding

we went to pre-cana....like all catholic couples. me and FH bickered ALL the time but it was great! we went over our differences and now we know how we feel about certain things. it totally helped.

that is great -- thats what my friend said!!! she wants to make everything clear before the big day. we went to precana as well, but didnt get into anything like that.

jessandjimiswedding Posted: Jul 26, 2007 08:46 AM

Re: divorce..

Posted by MikeandLisa

Posted by jessandjimiswedding

we went to pre-cana....like all catholic couples. me and FH bickered ALL the time but it was great! we went over our differences and now we know how we feel about certain things. it totally helped.

that is great -- thats what my friend said!!! she wants to make everything clear before the big day. we went to precana as well, but didnt get into anything like that.

it's funny when our friends ask us how pre-cana was i would say that i absolutely loved it...and i would add...we fought all the time! they just sit there and laugh at me. i seriously thought that pre-cana was a joke and was something like CCD classes but it was very helpful and they brought up good points that a couple may not always think of.

as far as divorce, both my parents and FH's parents are still together. both for over 30 years! so we totally don't believe in it. if there was something that came up that was taht bad...i'm sure we would find a way to get thru it together.

heatherandrichie Posted: Jul 26, 2007 08:47 AM

Re: divorce..

I started going to a psychologist that specializes in couples before we were married. And I still see her.

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 09:05 AM

Re: divorce..

I completely understand your concerns. Since FH's parents are divorced, he is very adamant about working through things and not taking the easy way out--divorce--at the first sign of trouble. However, we both had to take classes to get our sacraments (neither of us had gotten confirmation) and we did it with a married couple. During this time, not only were we being prepared for our sacraments but they also used it as an opportunity for 'counseling' us on how to deal with things that may come up in a marriage. It was a really good experience.

MikeandLisa Posted: Jul 26, 2007 09:16 AM

Re: divorce..

Posted by heatherandrichie

I started going to a psychologist that specializes in couples before we were married. And I still see her.

do you see her individually, or with your DH?

B22 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 09:31 AM

Re: divorce..

that sounds like pre cana. We did it. I LOVED IT.
it was so refreshing and informative.

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 09:51 AM

Re: divorce..

We met with our priest once a month from November to July. Honestly, we loved it. He helped us with a couple of potential issues and taught us how to communicate about them. He's very intuitive and overall just great. We also did pre-cana, but that was nothing like the monthly sessions we had with our priest, which were like mini therapy sessions. I highly recommend it.

charisma Posted: Jul 26, 2007 09:58 AM

Re: divorce..

FH & I are in pre-marital counseling and it has been such an eye opener..I would recommend this to every couple

MrsB2BE Posted: Jul 26, 2007 10:01 AM

Re: divorce..

My FH and I are long distance right now so we are completing a book called Saving your Marriage before it starts and we plan to have Pre marital counseling - Post Marriage when we are together.

My father does pre marital counseling and all of his couples appreciate it because it opens up doors that they weren't even thinking about

MF9282 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 10:09 AM

Re: divorce..

Well we did NOT have a great Pre-Cana experience. It was basically listening to the couple leading lecture and tell stories not us contributing at all. FH and I are not going to any sort of counseling but we both know our feelings about divorce and know marriage is a major commitment and may have a ton of bumps in the road but are dedicated to one another.

leafgirl Posted: Jul 26, 2007 10:11 AM

Re: divorce..

We met w our Pastor twice... and she felt we were suited for marriage. She asked different questions and told us the first time we saw her that if she felt we should not marry she would tell us. Guess we are good to go since we only needed to see her twice.
What will keep my marriage strong.?.. that will be what keeps my relationship now strong, PATIENCE. Lots of it. There is more to it than just that, but think about it. You are two uncommon fields coming together to make one common ground. There will be differences but if you are patient about it, it will work out either way.
I think it also goes along with honesty. Without that you don't have a strong basis for a good standing.

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 26, 2007 10:15 AM

Re: divorce..

Posted by MrsB2BE

My FH and I are long distance right now so we are completing a book called Saving your Marriage before it starts and we plan to have Pre marital counseling - Post Marriage when we are together.

My father does pre marital counseling and all of his couples appreciate it because it opens up doors that they weren't even thinking about

That's great that your dad does pre-marital counseling!

I think having a long distance relationship also adds another dimension and teaches a couple how to deal with things appropriately and creatively.

soontobemrst Posted: Jul 26, 2007 12:47 PM

Re: divorce..

We did pre-cana and enjoyed it. Doing the excersizes in the book really helped. Before we did pre-cana we met with a marriage counslor a few times and that was great. Having an unrelated 3rd party was so helpful weed through some communication problems.

MikeandLisa Posted: Jul 26, 2007 12:50 PM

Re: divorce..

Posted by MrsB2BE

My FH and I are long distance right now so we are completing a book called Saving your Marriage before it starts and we plan to have Pre marital counseling - Post Marriage when we are together.

My father does pre marital counseling and all of his couples appreciate it because it opens up doors that they weren't even thinking about

here is that book if anyone is interested: http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Your-Marriage-Before-Starts/dp/0310492408

great idea!

HamptonsBride Posted: Jul 26, 2007 02:36 PM

Re: divorce..

we lived together 5 years before marriage in a tiny house and both worked from home...so that was our counseling(haha)...learning to live with each other's quirks before being legally bound to each other!! Dh has done years of counseling so he's good at communicating and getting me to open up too.

Lools Posted: Jul 26, 2007 02:38 PM

Re: divorce..

We're getting premarital counseling from our Pastor right now. And it's very in depth and personal - we don't fluff over stuff. I think it's a great thing to do. It's like an investment in your marriage. It has been great so far! We've learned things about each other that we never knew! The things we've learned will help us to express our love to the other in the way that speaks best to them. Read the book 'The Five Love Languages'.

Definitely worth it and I definitely suggest everyone do it!

lilangel Posted: Jul 26, 2007 02:41 PM

Re: divorce..

FH and I have been through hell and back. I honestly love him more because of it. We are not doing any premarital counseling because we are pretty much heavy talkers. We talk about everything. What's wrong with me what's wrong with him and how we can fix it.

It took us a while to get to where we are but we are happy with it. We also both agreed that before it ever came to it we would work to get help.