divorce article
ok so I'm not going to post it all. but today I read this article and honestly cried. FH and I are arguing (about $ of course) and he always rolls his eyes at me.
this is what i read. i sent it to him btw. and yes I know it's dramatic but it set me off for some reason.
AOL Health: The book says that simple interactions, like rolling your eyes at your husband, can indicate you're headed for divorce. How can such a simple thing be such a strong indicator?
TPP: There's a noted marriage researcher named John Gottman, and he has watched a lot of couples have conflict discussions, and he has these very sophisticated computer analysis programs and heart rate monitors and different ways to assess the state of your relationship, and he's quite skilled at this. And, unfortunately, we can't all go to his lab, so I asked him what can we look for.
He said one of the really simple things to look for is the eye roll. Because it's a sign of contempt, it's a sign that your relationship has gone to a place that is not good. Couples that do this in his studies have consistently had bad outcomes. It's a simple thing to look at, and it's a relatively easy thing to stop. If you're an eye roller, and if you're on the receiving end of it, it's legitimate to say to your partner, 'I wish you wouldn't do that. It doesn't make me feel good, and can we work on this issue?.' You're dismissing what the other person is saying. It's a behavior we typically wouldn't even do to our friends, but you do see it in married couples. Again, it's one of the many little things that goes on that can be a big deal over time in a relationship.
this is what i read. i sent it to him btw. and yes I know it's dramatic but it set me off for some reason.
AOL Health: The book says that simple interactions, like rolling your eyes at your husband, can indicate you're headed for divorce. How can such a simple thing be such a strong indicator?
TPP: There's a noted marriage researcher named John Gottman, and he has watched a lot of couples have conflict discussions, and he has these very sophisticated computer analysis programs and heart rate monitors and different ways to assess the state of your relationship, and he's quite skilled at this. And, unfortunately, we can't all go to his lab, so I asked him what can we look for.
He said one of the really simple things to look for is the eye roll. Because it's a sign of contempt, it's a sign that your relationship has gone to a place that is not good. Couples that do this in his studies have consistently had bad outcomes. It's a simple thing to look at, and it's a relatively easy thing to stop. If you're an eye roller, and if you're on the receiving end of it, it's legitimate to say to your partner, 'I wish you wouldn't do that. It doesn't make me feel good, and can we work on this issue?.' You're dismissing what the other person is saying. It's a behavior we typically wouldn't even do to our friends, but you do see it in married couples. Again, it's one of the many little things that goes on that can be a big deal over time in a relationship.
