So I know that invites are still quite a ways off for FH and I but I need your opinions on this. FBIL is dating this girl that I despise with every ounce of my being. She is just a disgusting sorry excuse of a person to me. All she does is lie and manipulate the people around her and I see her for what she really is. Now here is where things get complicated. She has a 2 month old son who may or may not be FBILs. I had already planned on using my 2 godsons and my ring bearers. FH and I have also decided because of the cost that we would only be having children under the age of 16 that are in the BP. This girl also has a 2 year old with her ex. Now I don't want to invite her for the simple reason that FH and I can't stand her. But every time I discuss this with someone all I get is 'well if FBIL is with her then you really don't have a choice'. To me it's total bs. FH and I are paying for this wedding. Nobody else. FSIL also felt the need to chime in and say that I'm being disrespectful to my FILs because of how I'm acting with the whole thing. I'm sorry but if FH and I are paying for this I want people there that love and support us and our families not someone who lies and manipulates people. What do you ladies thing? Am I being unreasonable for saying that I want no part of her at our wedding? I just think its wrong of them to expect me to pay for someone to come to the most important day of my life especially when every time I see that person she makes my blood boil. Idk. I'm so confused. Ladies... Please help!!
Shimmerette
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
That is definitely a tough situation. I would absolutely say that you, in no way, need to invite her children. But to exclude her altogether is another story. If I were you and if you are having a rather large wedding where you wouldn't have to worry about seeing her everywhere you look, I would probably just bite the bullet and invite her to smooth things over with the in-laws. On the other hand, if it's a small wedding and you feel that having her there would ruin your day... then I don't know about that.
What does your FH really think about the situation? Is he as passionate as you about not having this woman at your wedding... if so, he should be the one to step in and speak to his family about it. All of that shouldn't fall onto your shoulders, and it sounds like it might be since his family's frustration with the situation seems to be aimed at you and not him.
Courtz
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
First off you have time... so let it go for now. Hopefully by then you'll know if this new baby is really his and with her track record they may not even be together by next November. I totally understand where you are coming from and I would definitely feel the same. Just too early to worry about it now. BTW, you do not have to have her children in the Wedding Party and therefore you do not have to invite them to the Wedding. If they don't understand that's there issue to deal with. I'm sure they'll actually be happy to leave the kids at home. Hopefully within time and you have the time she'll be better and the relationship will be better. Until then, just relax and let time pass. Like I said, you still have a while to go!
Jax1127
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
It sucks but I do think if you are inviting FBIL then you have to invite her. I think however when it comes to people's kids you do have a right not to invite them (the kids).
jmo488
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Member since
Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
You still have plenty of time to think about this! If anyone asks just say its too early to make a decision. They might not even be together next year!
Kristin31613
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
Posted by angelicd77
So I know that invites are still quite a ways off for FH and I but I need your opinions on this. FBIL is dating this girl that I despise with every ounce of my being. She is just a disgusting sorry excuse of a person to me. All she does is lie and manipulate the people around her and I see her for what she really is. Now here is where things get complicated. She has a 2 month old son who may or may not be FBILs. I had already planned on using my 2 godsons and my ring bearers. FH and I have also decided because of the cost that we would only be having children under the age of 16 that are in the BP. This girl also has a 2 year old with her ex. Now I don't want to invite her for the simple reason that FH and I can't stand her. But every time I discuss this with someone all I get is 'well if FBIL is with her then you really don't have a choice'. To me it's total bs. FH and I are paying for this wedding. Nobody else. FSIL also felt the need to chime in and say that I'm being disrespectful to my FILs because of how I'm acting with the whole thing. I'm sorry but if FH and I are paying for this I want people there that love and support us and our families not someone who lies and manipulates people. What do you ladies thing? Am I being unreasonable for saying that I want no part of her at our wedding? I just think its wrong of them to expect me to pay for someone to come to the most important day of my life especially when every time I see that person she makes my blood boil. Idk. I'm so confused. Ladies... Please help!!
You don't have to invite her children but you really can't avoid not inviting her without having a world war. You have to invite FBIL with a +1 and he is going to invite her. I honestly agree that you would be disrespectful to your inlaws if you didn't. Obv. it is up to you but if you want to keep things good with his family I would just suck it up and invite her. Believe me, I know how you feel except I would rather not invite my own brother! LOL, but to keep the peace, he will be getting an invite, but def not part of the bridal party.
Kristin31613
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Member since
Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
Posted by jmo488
You still have plenty of time to think about this! If anyone asks just say its too early to make a decision. They might not even be together next year!
THIS!
Nenny
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Member since
Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
I would also say that you don't need to invite her children and I agree with the rest that this is an issue you can worry about at a later date. They may not be together a year from now anyway, given the situation.
mattandjess2013
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
How does he not know if the baby is his? Paternity test people!! I agree with the other girls, I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. They may not even still be together by your wedding (especially if the baby isn't his). But I do feel that you IN NO WAY have to invite her child. My MOH has 4 kids that I love dearly, but they aren't invited to the wedding.
angelicd77
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
Posted by mattandjess2013
How does he not know if the baby is his? Paternity test people!! I agree with the other girls, I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. They may not even still be together by your wedding (especially if the baby isn't his). But I do feel that you IN NO WAY have to invite her child. My MOH has 4 kids that I love dearly, but they aren't invited to the wedding.
For lack of a better term FBIL is an A$$! She was living with her first childs father for a while when and there was rumors of another guy that she was working with in the picture as well. She has the first baby's father supporting her and the kids so shes not so quick to prove that the other guy isnt the father and FBIL will believe whatever she tells him. FILs know about all this as well. FH feels the same way as I do if not stronger. I will at least give the girl a hello if I cant avoid her. He will see her and completely ignore her. She might as well be a piece of drywall to him. I just cant stomach spending all that money on a girl to come and have a free meal and have a good night when she doesnt even have the decency to provide my FILs with a definate yes or no as to if that baby is their FIRST grandchild or not. The thought of that girl just turns my stomach but it seems like I'm fighting a losing battle here. I dont want to offend my FILs. I have a really good relationship with them for the most part. I just cant understand why anyone of them would want her around since shes such a POS. ugh!!!
LisaReyes
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Member since
Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
I think you need to invite FBIL with a guest - whoever it is at the time of your wedding is who it is. If it turns out to be her by the time of the wedding, just sit her far away from you. Everyone will be there for YOU TWO and it should be easy to focus on your joy and ignore her for those few hours anyway.
Hopefully you wont even have to worry about this in a few months. From what you're saying, she doesn't really sound like a 'long term relationship' girl.
KristyANDMatt224
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Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
That's a real crappy situation. I'm in a similar boat. I know the proper thing to do... BUT I'm leaning towards sending my invite to my brother alone (NOT with his fiancee's name and NOT with a guest)
It stinks, but I don't think there is much you can do
Nenny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Do I REALLY have to invite her?
Oh, she sounds like a real piece of work then. FBIL needs to get a paternity test done before she tries to saddle him with the responsibility of this child that might not even be his! I've heard it can be really hard to get out from under something like that in NY, like total horror stories, if you start paying or sign anything? The state doesn't care too much what happens later on.
