Do u ever wonder WHY you even bother sometimes?!

OK so I kept asking myself over and over again if I should post this but after the day I had I just need to vent...
FH and I have been having the rockiest of times, ever since he put the big ol on my finger...I didn't know that getting engaged came w/ soo much baggage. I mean dont get me wrong I LOVE FH to death but sometimes I question why?? is that bad? I do anything and pretty much everything to make him happy and i just feel like sometimes he hardly appreciates me or even respects me. I'm 23 and im so sick of people saying oh your too young, I've lived my life and I have a big girl career, I'm ready to start the next chapter in my life. Everyone says that you have to get all the skeletons out of the closet before making the next step and I feel like I practically laid my heart on the table along w/ everything else and I just feel at times I have nothing left to give. I guess to sum things up is that FH is still stuck in 'Boys will be Boys mode' that I feel like I'm pulling teeth for 'alone' time w/ his one and only. I just want to feel loved, is that too much to ask? I hear how excited everyone else is about planning and how great their FH is and I sit back and only dream of him attempting to do half of those things...we moved into my parents apt in the basement of my moms house back in june and things were great, we got engaged in sept and went to closing on our condo the beginning of dec, physco FH is constantly in 'condo mode' fixing it up and putting every singe penny into the wood floors and painting and making it a home, dont get me wrong its livable as is but hes a perfectionist and things have to be perfect before we move in, our days off r spent fixing up the place while we still live at moms, we went to closing 12/7 our first mortgage payment is 2/1 and we havent even moved in yet...I just wish that things would get better and I can actually be happy and healthy and COMFORTABLE in my own relationship but as soon as things get better something else goes wrong....what do i do????? soooooooooorrrry soooo long girls but I've been feeling kinda for too long, I dont want to walk away and give up b/c we've come soooo far, will things get better?? I need much prayers and practically a miracle for this one to work......How come when we love someone sooo much its to the point where it hurts??

things will get better... talk to him and let him know how you feel... you have a lot going on between the new condo and planning a wedding... both take up alot of time... both of your time ..so its prob normal that you dont feel like you spend quality time together because you both are running around?? thats what i get from your message... maybe pick a certain night where you dont do any wedding/condo stuff and dedicate it to you guys...
hth...

I am sorry that you feel neglected and that fh is not giving you the attention you want. Not to defend him but maybe he just wants to get the condo done so that he can get out of your parents house. My sister and bil went through this. They bought a house that needed fixing so he spent every waking moment over at the house working on it and she was sitting at 'home' with the kids night after night. But now that they are in their own home things are good. They have time to spend together without outside interference. I know you are in a sep apt but it is still your parents house. So I would tell him you feel neglected but cut him some slack till you move in. If things are still bad then you need to sit him down and have 'the talk'. Good luck and I hope it all works out

you said it yourself..boys will be boys..but it takes a good boy to be a real man... and bottom line is true love doesnt hurt ..doesnt give off feelings of neglect and furthermore..since he probably doesnt feel like these issues are issues ..he may not change ..and if he changes will it be for you or him ...and will it be temporary ..which will make him unhappy ...... just consider and reconsider ..do the pros and cons..in the meantime and i will be ing for u

i don't know... i can see how you feel neglected, but it sounds like he is working super hard to create a home for BOTH of you. the house will be what you guys have after the big party of a wedding is over., so to me it is worth him putting energy into.
again, i think you should talk to him about how you feel, but i would also cut him a little bit of slack because it sounds like he is spending his time doing something worthwhile....

You definitely need to sit down and talk to him, sometimes guys dont realize what they are doing until its pointed out to them. I don't know your relationship so can't say if you should stay or not. But if the only reason you are staying is because 'you got so far' then that is not reason to do. I had stayed in a loooong relationship basically for the same reasons, you expect things to change but they don't, you just get comfortable too. For me personally i finally realized that was not the relationship for me. It was very hard at first, but I couldn't be happier with my decision. I met FH and I get treated the way i never have or never thought I would. I finally have a normal, healthy and very loving relationship. We're not together just because its comfortable or feel stuck. It is such a huge difference, before i was in a relationship and we were always known as the couple who always got into fights, there was always drama, i hated that sooo much...Now everyone jokes about Fh and I and call us the cheeseball couple, because we are very lovey dovey with eachother, and do all those things others consider corny...But i love that I am in a relationship that shows others how much we love eachother and others finally say what a great person i am with and notice how great he is with me.

Again, i don't know your relationship, i have no clue if this even applies to you. You know deep down how he feels and you know what you have to do to stay true to yourself and be truly happy. Maybe that is working things out with your FH and improving your relationship or maybe it's not...But unless you two talk about it and make efforts to better the relationship then things wont just change on their own and all of a sudden get better. Also, after my past relationship I realized that i also did things wrong, maybe i wasn't always the greatest gf and fought a little too much and wouldn't let stupid little things go and had to nag about everything...But you know what I learned soo much from that and now I don't do any of that, i've learned to choose my battles and some things just are not worth it. I think my experience in the past has taught me now how to be a better person for the one I love and we have a great relationship because of it...Maybe you can learn from this and see what you both do wrong and apply that to making the relationship work.

Also, i know ALOT of people hate to hear this but sometimes the age thing does apply...If i would've met FH when he was in his early 20's i don't think he would've been ready at all, he was into partying all the time and a bunch of other things, and now he doesn't even like going out partying like crazy with his friends...ALso i wouldnt have been ready, i was in the mindset of any little thing a person says or does to me i have to fight with them and i def wasn't anything like I am now...Maybe he just needs to grow a little bit, it is very normal

Good luck and i hope things work out for you...If you ever need to Fm feel free

I am really bad at giving advice if I don't personally know the situation so here are some hugs...

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Posted by MeLnLuke

OK so I kept asking myself over and over again if I should post this but after the day I had I just need to vent...
FH and I have been having the rockiest of times, ever since he put the big ol on my finger...I didn't know that getting engaged came w/ soo much baggage. I mean dont get me wrong I LOVE FH to death but sometimes I question why?? is that bad? I do anything and pretty much everything to make him happy and i just feel like sometimes he hardly appreciates me or even respects me. I'm 23 and im so sick of people saying oh your too young, I've lived my life and I have a big girl career, I'm ready to start the next chapter in my life. Everyone says that you have to get all the skeletons out of the closet before making the next step and I feel like I practically laid my heart on the table along w/ everything else and I just feel at times I have nothing left to give. I guess to sum things up is that FH is still stuck in 'Boys will be Boys mode' that I feel like I'm pulling teeth for 'alone' time w/ his one and only. I just want to feel loved, is that too much to ask? I hear how excited everyone else is about planning and how great their FH is and I sit back and only dream of him attempting to do half of those things...we moved into my parents apt in the basement of my moms house back in june and things were great, we got engaged in sept and went to closing on our condo the beginning of dec, physco FH is constantly in 'condo mode' fixing it up and putting every singe penny into the wood floors and painting and making it a home, dont get me wrong its livable as is but hes a perfectionist and things have to be perfect before we move in, our days off r spent fixing up the place while we still live at moms, we went to closing 12/7 our first mortgage payment is 2/1 and we havent even moved in yet...I just wish that things would get better and I can actually be happy and healthy and COMFORTABLE in my own relationship but as soon as things get better something else goes wrong....what do i do????? soooooooooorrrry soooo long girls but I've been feeling kinda for too long, I dont want to walk away and give up b/c we've come soooo far, will things get better?? I need much prayers and practically a miracle for this one to work......How come when we love someone sooo much its to the point where it hurts??

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I'm assuming you will get many responses to your post and I just want to say that I haven't read any replies. I want to offer my honest thoughts. I went through many similar emotions and I think it is a good and healthy to question where you are going. I had a talk w/ fh about feelings of cold feet and he mentioned that he never questioned it. I told him I have. The whole marraige thing gets me nervous and sometimes it still does. It's alot of change to go through all at once. Your getting married! You moved in. You bought a place! That's a lot to take in especially at 23, I am 23 too. You'll need to work through all your thoughts and emotions but eventually your heart and your head will come to an agreement and you will know what to do.

ETA: Ok now I read other posts. I agree that you need to talk with FH but you need to get all your thought staightened out first. Otherwise you could start some uneccessary arguments.

I really think that things will definitely get better....I felt the same way after we got engaged, for two weeks I was so happy, then I started getting really anxious upset and nervous..>I have a perfectionist FH too and it does get really really nanoying, when all his energy is focused on one thing and not me or the wedding....but just realize that as the date approaches he will probably show more interest...he obviously loves u if you two closed on a condo together! He is def planning to be with you for the rest of his life!!

But if you are feeling yoour feelings are not the same then you have to speak to him before it goes any further...

Oh and I feel ya on the being too young thing, I was 23 when I got engaged too...but don't let that affect you, you sound mature enough to know that...

But honestly, I think it will get better...your anxiet will subside...you just had two major life changing events happen very close together!

If you need any support...you know where to come!