Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

I know the divorce rate is so high these days, but don't you think it can cause stress on a relationship. As so already predicting that you're not going to make it?

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

If one person is bringing substantially more to the table financially I think a pre-nup is warranted.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

I always thought it was so horrible, planning for a marriage to fail because marriage is forever, but after seeing my parents' divorce, I defintiely want one. If I become a SAHM and god forbid we get divorced when I'm older and I've been out of the worlforce for years I want to know I'm protected.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Actually, they are not as binding as everyone thinks.

It's really up to the courts and the judge. Any woman or man for that matter might have an agreement that favors them or is 50/50 or whatever and they think that's what the outcome would be but that's not how it works. If the other side has a lawyer who can (considering the details of the situation) argue contrary to the agreement then the settlement can be completely different.

This also does not mean that the woman is automatically favored or vice-versa. My Dad divorced my step-mother (no pre-nup, 25 years ago, marriage less than a year... don't ask ), well when he walked into court and he saw he had a female judge he thought his life was over that his ex would clean him out. The female judge asked my step-mother if she ever saw a newspaper, she waved the classifieds in front of her and said, 'Mrs. H, your demands are completely ridiculous now take these classifieds and GET A JOB!! Assets are to be redistributed according to how both parties entered the marriage'

My Dad's heartrate took a few minutes to return to normal and he said he wanted to jump over the bench and bear hug the judge

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

David'sbride (wife) was that in NY?

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Yes, family court Nassau County in 1981.

My step-mother was RIDICULOUS. Her lawyer told her to go to Good-will and buy a very old suit, not wear any makeup and make sure she spent that last three days crying.

OK, my stepmother was 41 at the time but she was a former MODEL from Bolivia and was actually second runner up in the Ms. World competition in 1964. She could live in a cave for a year and would look stunning. My Dad worked for the phone company and is still a very sweet guy. She claimed she couldn't work (never found out what her excuse was but this was nonsense) and after 6 months of marriage in which she went to my Dad 's office in the middle of the day and in front of all of his co-workers yelled at him because she tought he was 'cheating', one night got so drunk she began throwing plates (yes, it was like a scene out of a Greek wedding) at his head. After that, and only 6 months of marrriage she wanted alimony

As a woman who has worked her A$$ off her entire life, gotten a BS and MS degree in 5 years and paid for it herself, is well respected at my job, took care of my Dad after his stroke for seven years without one day off, owns property, is invested by scrimping and saving and completely debt free, I find such women and men to be ridiculous. Life does not owe us anything. Each one of us have the responsibility to make sure we can support ourselves. Did God give you two hands? Two feet? Do you speak English? Do you have three braincells? OK, get a job!!! So sorry if the 'lifestyle' that you have grown 'accustomed' to is over... go out, get educated, work your a$$ off and EARN that lifestyle.

Sorry, but I hate people who feel they are 'entitled' to extras and have them paid for by others. The more men hear about women like that the more women like me have to work harder to prove them wrong.

I also say this because my mom died very suddenly when I was 8. She was a SAHM with outdated skills. I shudder to think what my life (financially) would have been like growing up if my Dad died instead of my mom. My extended family probably (I hope) would have had to take her in (God knows she would have had to sell the house), she probably would have had to waitress or find a low paying secretarial job. Don't get my wrong, my Dad was never rich and there were lean years but hmmmm, the phone company paid for my braces, he got overtime (Thank God... that's gone now in corp. America) and I received a substantial NY Tel Co. scholarship to help pay to undergrad.

It is the responsibility for ALL MEN AND WOMEN to be able to support themselves at all times. You never know what life will throw at you and guess what, this world owes us nothing.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

wow - I am really sorry about your dad, but I am glad the judge was great. I can see why she granted the annulment/divorce. Your Step mom sounded like a real winner. BTW - good for you! Debt free and a property owner is indeed something to be proud of. I only have school loans, but gradually they are getting paid down.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Oh, you'll do it. I had some loans too but I got my masters 12 years ago so it was a bit easier then. I had most of the money, unfortunately. I say that because my mom died in an accident (drunk driver) and I took the settlement money (I always looked at it as blood money) and turned it into a positive... it paid for grad school. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have had my mom but I tried to spend it in the most contructive way possible.

You will do it. Keep your eye on the prize!!!

I paid mine off early by working two jobs I'll never forget when I called to find the balance for my last payment the guy on the phone said... did you win the lottery or something, you do know you have 8 more years to pay this back? and I said 'Why would I want to continue paying you for eight more years when I'd rather pay myself'

I just think there are so many able bodied people out there who have to stop making excuses and expect someone or something to carry them.

I swear, based on my experience, if I ever was a divorce lawyer I've always said I'd only be able to represent men who were in situations like my Dad. And I almost went to law school

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Yes, not to hi-jack but we did. I come from an Irish family and my cousin said, 'Now, Theresa, the crown/English nobility did take some of our land and try to put our great-grandfather in prison for speaking out against the colonial government but planting bombs all throught the tube system is a little much now don't you think?' God knows it's not funny! I have always been ever so thankful for having DH in my life and finding him a bit later in life but of course the events emphasized this feeling even more.

My FIL said we should have responded to everyone's concern by saying...

'Bomb, bombing, what are you talking about? OMG, there was a bombing in London while we were there? We know nothing about this!'

As if to imply we never left the room

Edited for spelling at this late hour.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Everyone should be able to support themselves, but sometimes it's not possible. My dad left my mom 3 weeks after she fell down the stairs sustaining permanent disabilities. At the point when he left she still couldn't perform daily basic fucntions on her own, and she'll never be able to work. Now she is left with the bills and she has to fight for him to pay her medical expenses. I don't want to go through that. What if I have young children? A pre nup is not iron clad, but I would like to have something to pretect myself, because I do plan to be a SAHM at least for some of the time, and I already have a partial disability. Anything can happen. One day you're a dancer, next day you can't walk. I just want to be protected. it isn't really about entitlement.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

I can see how people would find it necessary but neither one of us have that much nor do we have huge earning potential. We will always have enough and maybe some extra but certainly not worthy of a prenup.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

I did not have a pre-nup because I don't have a lot of assets. However, if I did I certainly would. My father is a lawyer and I believe in written contracts for pretty much everything. I certainly would not have married my DH if I thought that we would not make it, but I would rather be prepared for the worst then be caught by surprise.

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

i dont like the idea of a pre-nup however I might feel differently if I had enormous assets, otherwise, right now fh and i both have pretty much equal assets...

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

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Posted by july06bride

i dont like the idea of a pre-nup however I might feel differently if I had enormous assets, otherwise, right now fh and i both have pretty much equal assets...

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Same here.

i dont like it, but i look at it the same way i look at insurance- you hope you never have to use it, but you cant be naive to the possibility of it either so you have to protect yourself.

that being said- neither one of us had any major assets, and anything we've got, we got together, so it doesnt make a difference anyway

Re: Do you believe in Pre-Numptual Agreements???

Im not cool with it.