Do you fight with your FH about holidays? (sorry... long)
EVERY holiday... we fight.
Even now... we're in a huge fight, and I really think he's being a jerk about this.
Background: his mom retired, sold her house and moved to Florida into her long term BF's condo early this year. My FH speaks to her about once a week. I really get along well with her, but there has been some drama and a LOT of stress because she hasn't offered to contribute to the wedding, aside from the rehearsal dinner (after initally telling me she'll 'help out' when I told her my dad is working so much OT to pay for the wedding). My parents are giving us our wedding, up to 30,000 - and we're paying the rest (about 20,000). That battle is over and I just have to drop it and know that we're not getting any $ from his mom for the wedding or else we would be fighting all the time. Fine.
We just went food shopping... and I said to him, 'Hey... let's go into Hallmark and get your mom a card so that it gets to her FOR Mother's Day.' Then, I said... what do you want to do... send her flowers for M-day? He shrugged his shoulders. He said, 'How about a Vermont Teddy Bear?'. I said,. 'those are too expensive!'. We went in, and he started looking at cards and picked one in two seconds. I said, 'let's look around... maybe we'll find a few things for your mom and send her a package of goodies'. So, we walked through the aisles and were looking at typical Hallmark stuff... pillows, candles, books, vases, potpourri, plaques, frames, etc. I was looking at a nice 'mom' frame and I asked what he thought of it. He's like, 'what are you buying your mom?'. I told him we were contributing to the Italy fund we set up for them last year. He's like, How much? I said, 'probably 50' (that's standard). He looked at the frame and said, 'whatever... let's get out of here before we have a fight'. I'm like, 'It's not a competition... do you like the frame?'. He walked out of the store. I stayed and found a really nice 'Willow Creek' statue (that I LOVE) with a mother and son, and thought THAt would be nice. I tapped on the glass to ask him what he thought, and he just shrugged and said 'fine'. I bought it. Cut to the end... we're not speaking now because of the fact that I said the Vermont Teddy Bear is too expensive. I didn't mean to not spend that much on his mom... I meant in GENERAL, it's a rip off and a waste of money.
How on EARTH am I being penalized for being the one to suggest sending something nice to his mom? I don't get it....
We fight about every holiday because he says I put my family first. He admitted early in this relationship that holidays don't mean that much to his family... well, they mean the WORLD to me and mine... we're VERY formal with holidays... his family isn't. I am a HOLIDAY FREAK. I refuse to not see my family for a holiday, so we split the day. I spoil his nephews and my nephew and put thought into ALL his family's gifts, like I do mine. But, my family goes NUTS with presents. His family puts a monetary cap on each person't gift. (I don't do that back to his family... I buy all the gifts and buy what I think they would like. Not even WITH my FH... he doesn't do that stuff).
One more thing... his sister is having his nephew's b-day ON Mother's Day, even though their mom is in Florida on Mother's Day! So, I STILL have to split Mother's Day with my mom (who had to change dinner reservations so we can go to the party), even though his mom isn't even here! I didn't think that was fair, either... the b-day could have been Saturday, since it's a week after his real b-day anyway.
Anytime I bring anything up about a holiday, it's a guaranteed argument. I'm so upset...![]()
Even now... we're in a huge fight, and I really think he's being a jerk about this.
Background: his mom retired, sold her house and moved to Florida into her long term BF's condo early this year. My FH speaks to her about once a week. I really get along well with her, but there has been some drama and a LOT of stress because she hasn't offered to contribute to the wedding, aside from the rehearsal dinner (after initally telling me she'll 'help out' when I told her my dad is working so much OT to pay for the wedding). My parents are giving us our wedding, up to 30,000 - and we're paying the rest (about 20,000). That battle is over and I just have to drop it and know that we're not getting any $ from his mom for the wedding or else we would be fighting all the time. Fine.
We just went food shopping... and I said to him, 'Hey... let's go into Hallmark and get your mom a card so that it gets to her FOR Mother's Day.' Then, I said... what do you want to do... send her flowers for M-day? He shrugged his shoulders. He said, 'How about a Vermont Teddy Bear?'. I said,. 'those are too expensive!'. We went in, and he started looking at cards and picked one in two seconds. I said, 'let's look around... maybe we'll find a few things for your mom and send her a package of goodies'. So, we walked through the aisles and were looking at typical Hallmark stuff... pillows, candles, books, vases, potpourri, plaques, frames, etc. I was looking at a nice 'mom' frame and I asked what he thought of it. He's like, 'what are you buying your mom?'. I told him we were contributing to the Italy fund we set up for them last year. He's like, How much? I said, 'probably 50' (that's standard). He looked at the frame and said, 'whatever... let's get out of here before we have a fight'. I'm like, 'It's not a competition... do you like the frame?'. He walked out of the store. I stayed and found a really nice 'Willow Creek' statue (that I LOVE) with a mother and son, and thought THAt would be nice. I tapped on the glass to ask him what he thought, and he just shrugged and said 'fine'. I bought it. Cut to the end... we're not speaking now because of the fact that I said the Vermont Teddy Bear is too expensive. I didn't mean to not spend that much on his mom... I meant in GENERAL, it's a rip off and a waste of money.
How on EARTH am I being penalized for being the one to suggest sending something nice to his mom? I don't get it....
We fight about every holiday because he says I put my family first. He admitted early in this relationship that holidays don't mean that much to his family... well, they mean the WORLD to me and mine... we're VERY formal with holidays... his family isn't. I am a HOLIDAY FREAK. I refuse to not see my family for a holiday, so we split the day. I spoil his nephews and my nephew and put thought into ALL his family's gifts, like I do mine. But, my family goes NUTS with presents. His family puts a monetary cap on each person't gift. (I don't do that back to his family... I buy all the gifts and buy what I think they would like. Not even WITH my FH... he doesn't do that stuff).
One more thing... his sister is having his nephew's b-day ON Mother's Day, even though their mom is in Florida on Mother's Day! So, I STILL have to split Mother's Day with my mom (who had to change dinner reservations so we can go to the party), even though his mom isn't even here! I didn't think that was fair, either... the b-day could have been Saturday, since it's a week after his real b-day anyway.
Anytime I bring anything up about a holiday, it's a guaranteed argument. I'm so upset...
