I was replying to a thread and remembered that my sister did something that really hurt me early on in the wedding planning. I realized that even all these months later, it still saddens me to think of it.
I had invited her to come with my other sister and friend to pick up my dress, try it on, take pictures, etc. It was supposed to be a nice thing. But she was annoyed that she was 'expected' to do this, begrudgingly agreed at the time, and cancelled at the last minute. We got into a big fight and I wound up in tears when I should have been so happy that day.
We didn't speak for a week or more. But when I did call her to discuss something unrelated to the wedding, in the first 5 minutes, she was asking me to do her a favor. A big favor. And I remembered what she had done and I said no. I figured if she can't do the one thing I've asked of her in my entire life, she doesn't deserve favors from me.
My family is notorious for doing that kind of thing, keeping a mental list of situations where people have wronged them at one time or another. When there are fights, they bring up things that happened years ago and let that stuff eat away at them.
This was the first time I've ever done that with anyone in my family. It hurts me to see the others doing it, and I just think that all that crap isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of things.
But I'm no angel. I've held grudges with friends in the past. I think it comes from my pride taking a hit when I'm taken advantage of.
Do you do this, do you hold grudges with friends or family? And act on them down the line? Or do you think it's just a waste of time?
DandS
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
When someone very close to me hurts me I do sometimes hold a grudge, but once we talk it over and resolve it, I do forgive and forget! I will never bring it back up. If I chose to forgive you, then I also chose to forget it and not bring it back up when we fight again. I don't hold a grudge for more then a few hours though because I can not go to bed mad. I don't care who it is that I am upset at, I have to talk things out with the person before I go to sleep.
GabrielleandJohn
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I have to tell you, I am a grudge holder. I dont hold onto it so that I can use it later, I just cut people off/out of my life. I think it comes from having 6 sisters. They can do anything and I will let it go but everyone else is expendable. My dad always said 'your not blood and you will never be blood' (not to me obviously). That has kind of always stuck with me. I have the ability to write people off at the snap of a finger. FH is the exact oposite of me and I think it is because he is an only child. His family has always been his friends and therefor the 'blood' thing doesnt really work for him.
You are in a rough spot because she is your sister. Just remember, sometimes people do crappy things to others, sometimes people do crappy things to us. In the end its all just instances in the grand scheme. If it was dier, the first on there would be your sister. Sometime the big stuff to us is small stuff to them.
And sometimes they suck.
Mooshyboo
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I will forgive and forget but I do keep a mental block...(unless someone keeps wronging me over and over) I don't want to be played for a fool or taken advantage of... sometimes I tend to get walked all over...but then when I open my mouth and put my foot down ~ people are shocked and get bent out of shape...
Amaker
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
Something very similar happened to me, my MOH was supposed to go to my makeup trial with me and just didnt show up. Well, needles to say, I love my makeup artist, and my makeup didnt run. But this is not the first time that I have 'been left out in the cold' things havent been the greatest, but I keep a little mental tally of what has been going on. Trust me I hear ya!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
Not really... honestly, to me its not worth it. It also can depend on the situation, I guess, but for the most part, yeah, I've gotten pi$$ed of by people and I forgive and forget. You have to make the decision - do you want to shut this person out of your life because of one thing? For me the answer is no.
ali120206
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I wish I wasn't but, I remember everything and have a hard time letting things go.
I do usually move on but, if something else happens, the old grudge comes barrelling out!
cmc
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I wouldn't necessarily say that I hold a grudge but I wouldn't let that crap ever happen again and depending on how bad it was, I would distance myself.
irishsweetheart
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
It's gotta be something really important to me that someone just didn't come through on for me to actually hold a grudge. Most of the time though I just get mad and then I'm over it by the next day.
aliwnec10
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I do tend to hold grudges for a little while. But once things are discussed or an apology is made... i let it go. I forgive... but i have a problem forgetting!
Of course it all is relative in regards to what the problem is.
qdavis
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I AM AFRAID TO ADMIT IT....I DEFINETELY HOLD GRUDGES.....MAINLY BECAUSE I HOLD IT INSIDE AND NEVER TELL SOMEONE HOW I FEEL BECAUSE I TRY TO GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT....THEN ONE DAY IT EXPLODES OUT.....
greenfreak
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
That's another good point... If you DO talk about it and work it out, that's probably the best way to get over it.
But if they are the kind of person who would rather not talk about it for whatever reason, it festers until another situation comes up.
People. We're just too complicated for our own good.
thelastMrsG
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I have learned life is too short for grudges. If something is bothering me, I talk about its soon as possible. If it's a heated situation, I wait till we have both calmed down, either sit with the person or call them, and explain to them how I feel and I would like them to be more considerate. If the other person slings mud or starts with 'well you did this to me and blah blah blah', I calmly say that we are talking about this situation and if you have a situation you need to discuss, we can after we resolve this one.
I know it sounds very 7th heaven, but I have several young people either pass away or have cancer. That has showed me that I need to approach things in a different way and clear them out.
Hope this helps...
NYIsleBride06
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I try not to hold grudges, but sometimes it is hard...especially when it's something that hurts so deeply...
I've learned as I've grown up that life is short and there really is no time for grudges...I learned that lesson the hard way, after not talking to a family member for months. We made up, but once that person passed away, I realized I couldn't ever get those months back...
But, I'm not perfect...through this process, there have been some things that have hurt a lot - I am trying hard to let them go...
StreetDoc6531
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Re: Do you hold grudges? (poll)
I can be a grudge holder but not so I can get revenge or anything...I just cut them off. If someone makes me mad, no big deal I'll get over it eventually. But if you hurt me Im done with you for good.
