Do your parents....

give you grief and expect you to overextend yourself and go into major debt for your wedding? I think my mom wants me and FH to 'keep up with the Joneses' for her friend's that will attend my wedding benefits....my FH and I just cannot have the very fancy wedding that my mom's friends kids do. Like she wants me to spend $3 on each favor (i have 125 people coming) and I said no i can find a much better deal online and she annoyed at me over that. Then i said we may even give a donation to charity instead since our place card holders are like favors themselves. And she said 'No you can't do that'. Like I was asking her permission! I mean, they gave us $$ towards the wedding but we are paying for a good 80% ourselves! How do I handle this? My FH e-mailed her and said we may need to cut down the guest list and she flipped out. She says Oh don't worry you will get $$ back, but the trouble is I need the $$ Now before the wedding LOL! I am not so sure how to handle this without her taking it personally. I am afraid to approach her on so many things it is making me feel resentful towards her!

I was lucky that my mother went along with almost everything we did and that DH's family could care less.

You could stop telling her the day to day planning/ideas that you are working on.

Or tell her that it's upsetting that she is fighting with you every step of the way. That you really want to share this with her but she is getting you so stressed.

If she insists on inviting extra people you can't afford tell her that her list is for x people and anything over that, she has to pay because you can't.

Jen...FM...

Why not tell her 'This is what we can afford....I will be glad to get the favors that are more $$$ if you pay for them....I'll even invite all of your friends if you pay for them too....'

I bet she won't have much to say to that....


IT'S YOUR DAY!!!! You do things YOUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck

That's EXACTLY what FH said! He said 'well ok, if she really wants all that, she is welcome to pay!' LOL.

Thanks for your advice

I can absolutely sympathize with you. When we first got engaged, my mom was driving me crazy. She kept telling me what she wanted and kept downgrading all of my suggestions. Like you, she is giving money toward the wedding but not paying for the whole bit. I was getting very very stressed. Luckily, my best friend, who was married only a few months ago sent my mom an e-mail and her mom also called my mom explaining that it is a VERY stressful time for the bride and to not give me an undo stress. She said this in a very diplomatic manner and it must have sunk in to my mom because the next day my mom sent me an electronic greeting card apologizing and she's been great ever since.

My FMIL is another story. Every day she has more people she wants to add to the guest list. I keep telling her that there is a set amount of people that her side can have and if she wants more, she will have to pay for them because I am not going to get myself in debt. I wasn't nasty, but I was firm. You have to be otherwise you will lose control of everything (including your mind )

Relax and stay strong!!!

I was firm with my mother, who did similar things (and we're also paying for it). I explained that it was my wedding, period. I also explained, nicely, that I needed her support and excitement-not criticism-and that if I was going to be criticized for every decision I would be sad to do it but I would have to exclude her from the planning. She got the hint (because she knew I meant it). That was several months ago, and everything has been fine since.

You could also explain that if she wants more expensive items, she can cover the difference in cost.