do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

nferrandi Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:15 PM

do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

We invited about 235-240 people to our wedding and roughly 35 people have said 'no.' A lot of friends have told me that they got checks ith their responses or gifts sent to the house. We're yet to get anything from anyone for our wedding, and even people who didn't come to my shower didn't send gifts either. I'm really not trying to be greedy, but isn't that rude? Aren't you supposed to give a gift if you're invited, regardless of if you attend?

DebMaher Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:17 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

If they are close friends, yes. This is especially true of our parents generation. However, current mores dictate that a gift os not expected just from an invitation. I, like most of you ladies, typically do send something -- I feel if I was close enought to be invited I ought to send something, but I did ask around about this and the above is the answer 'etiquette authorities' albeit self- proclaimed, gave me.

SomedayBride Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:19 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Posted by nferrandi
Aren't you supposed to give a gift if you're invited, regardless of if you attend?

I usually do, but I didn't expect gifts from the people who responded no. We did get a few checks right inside the response, but most of the gifts came closer to the wedding in a card. I would say 90% of our no responders gave gifts though.

Julestrd Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:24 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

I have only received maybe 5 checks from people are aren't coming to the wedding. Out of the 40 no's that I got. I, didn't expect to get anything from anyone who responded no, but those who did send I was very happy to receive. My dad keeps saying they'll send a gift as the date approaches. So I guess you should start receiving stuff in the mail soon.

nferrandi Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:26 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Some people I expect less from, but there are some people who aren't coming that either my family or my FILs have been very generous to in the past. I just thought it was kind of rude.

tinkerwdw Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:40 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Although this may be surprising, I have read in MANY mags that traditionally, you are supposed to not expect any gift for your wedding AT ALL!!!! This includes people that are coming! Isn't that crazy? They will state that is it 'customary' for people to give you a gift, but we are not supposed to expect any.

Personally, I heard that if you are planning on sending a check if you are not attending, that you send a card around the wedding date with the check- you don't include it with the response. So, I just replied that I am not going to my cousin's wedding- but I am going to send them a card with a check around their wedding date.

steph4777 Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:47 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

We received checks or stuff from our registry from most of the people who didn't attend.

Remember people have up to one year to send you a gift. Maybe they are waiting til after the wedding to send you something.

Blu-ize Posted: Sep 15, 2004 05:51 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Recently I couldn't go to my cousin's wedding so I rsvp'd and later sent them a card and check. I wouldn't think about not sending something.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Sep 15, 2004 06:03 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

I don't think it's at all rude not to send a gift with the 'no'.

Boop2704 Posted: Sep 15, 2004 06:25 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Most of the gifts we received from people that did not attend were brought to the wedding by another guest. A few others cam a few months before the wedding. And some were just cheapos and sent nothing!!

tourist Posted: Sep 15, 2004 06:27 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

Ihaven't receieved any gifts either. Some may send them later. I feel that unles it is obvious the couple is gift-fishing by inviting people they barely know, it is proper to send a gift at some point.

I don't expect it from my coworkers who aren't going.

For a shower, you do not have to send a gift if you are not attending. Most of my nos did though, but a few friends didn't.

BCTM33 Posted: Sep 15, 2004 07:00 PM

Re: do you/when do you get gifts from people who respond 'no'

I've only received a few no's (less than we originally thought - that 15% rule is wrong!!!) and we haven't gotten any gifts. I thought it was weird since I always send one...