Doggie letter
Only Dog owners can really appreciate a letter likethis....but make sure all of you read all the way to the end. :-)
Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still
two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will
continue to ! sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to
sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. In
addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be
such a simple change for you.
Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to
complain about our pets.
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted
daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
5. **Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't
ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car,
don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke
or drink, don't worry about buying the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the pups.
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you
until you are asleep.
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Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still
two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall
faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will
continue to ! sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to
sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. In
addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be
such a simple change for you.
Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to
complain about our pets.
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted
daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
5. **Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't
ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car,
don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke
or drink, don't worry about buying the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the pups.
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you
until you are asleep.
