so i'm in a bit of a predicament...I've asked 2 of my girl cousins to be in the BP (I only have 3 girl cousins and no sisters) along with 4 really close friends in the BP. To be honest, i'm closer with my 4 friends (college roomies) than I am with my cousins but i thought it would be nice to have my two girl cousins, both around 20-22 yrs old in the BP since I did grow up with them. My problem is I don't want my other girl cousin who is 14 now to feel bad (her older sister is in the BP and is 20) if she's not in it. Should I put her in the wedding? Honestly, since she was always really far apart in age with me, i dont have much of a relationship with her...plus, she's always attached to her mom and never talks much to me when i'm around. I dont want her to feel bad but also she'll be 15 at the wedding...so not really old enough to be a bridesmaid (most of the other BMs will be around 25) but still a little older for a junior...i dont know what to do... sorry this is a little long. Any thoughts?
Future Mrs P
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I don't think 15 is too old to be a junior bridesmaid at all. I am sure she would love to be in your wedding, but I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to increase the size of the wedding party. Either way I'm sure it would be fine.
Im getting Married
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
Did you already ask your other cousins (her sister) did anyone mention that she felt bad?
Maybe have her as a reader or help in some other way at the wedding (handing out programs or bubbles)
ellie424
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I don't think that you have to have your younger cousin in the wedding. Like you said, you grew up with your other 2 cousins and you are not that close with the younger one. I don't think that she will feel left out because she IS significantly younger than the other girls, so it's not like she was in the same age range. If you did want her in the BP, I think you could have her as a regular BM instead of Junior BM. When my brother was getting married my sis in law asked me to be a BM (not junior) and I was 14 at the time they got married (my sis was 16 and she was a BM too). If you think that your family would be upset if you didn't include her, then maybe you should consider it. But based upon what you wrote, I don't think it would be a problem if you decided not to include her.
Mommy2BeBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I would put her in as a junior bridesmaid.. You don't want her to feel left our and at least as a junior bridesmaid, she doesnt have the responsibilities that a regular bridesmaid would have and I definetly dont think she is too old to be a junior bridesmaid.. by the time I get married, my little cousin who is my junior bridesmaid will be 14.
JessNicole7EM
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I had the same problem. I had all my girl cousins in my wedding except for the 13 year old.
Her sister was a flowergirl.
I ended up inviting her to be in the wedding party. I just didn't feel right about it.
JLWSJC
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I don't think you should feel obligated to put her in the BP, espcially if she's so much younger than everyone else.
Maybe you can give her a task at the ceremony though, as a gesture to let her know you didn't not consider her at all? Handing out programs or the bubbles/rice/ribbons/whatever the heck you're using?
At some point you have to draw a line, I don't think you're being inappropriate here
pjankowski
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I am all about giving her specail jobs to do... maybe a reading but all about handing out programs , bubbles.. whatever!
scatteredx12
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
i don't think you should feel bad. when i was around 13 maybe, my older cousin got married and she had my sister be a BM but i wasn't part of the bridal party and i was actually happy about it. we barely spoke because i too was always attached to my mom because i only have older cousins so there was no one my age to hang out with... and i didn't think of my cousin any different. i was just relieved.
springsandra
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I wouldn't put her in the BP just because. It already sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed with your cousins in the BP and 6 girls is a lot to begin with, especially with you planning all this from afar. I like the idea of giving her a special job to do on the day of the wedding, and you can ask her to wear a certain color that coordinates but isn't part of the BP.
My two cousins were 24 and 16 at my wedding and I love them dearly, but I only had 2 people in my BP. I asked both girls to wear purple (they wore matching color dresses, but not the same dresses, and looked really cute). I had them hand out programs and bubbles and they were wonderful about it.
You need to decide what makes sense for you. If you think having her as a jr. bridesmaid is going to make or break the feelings at your wedding, then do it. But if it's just about guilt that you don't even know you should be feeling (ie: she's ok with it) then I wouldn't put her in.
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
You can also have her be a JBM.
KerriJohnS
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
She is kinda young.
If you were to put her in the wedding party could she be a jr bm?
Or maybe even you could have her acknowledged someother way... liek have her do a reading or give her another important job.
We tried to incorporate most of FH's huge immediate family. 1 girl will be the altar server and the other is doing a reading. The rest are in the BP. or their spouse is in the BP (sister's husbands).
WORD of advice... DO NOT put ANYONE in the BP just because. I regret some decisions I made and it's VERY VERY hard to go back and change things. If you have reservations about putting someone in then don't put them in or at least wait it out. You don't see it until the end... but the BP can cause LOTS of stress. So put ONLY thsoe that you REALLY think want to be a part of it, that deserve to be a part of it, that you want to be super close to you all day long, and that you KNOW they would be super helpful and flexible. basically you want people who WANT to be there.
I noticed that your wedding isn't until 2011... my personal advice to you... WAIT! Do not decide your BP now. Do not even ask them now. It's VERY soon... and you have sooo much time. You may not see it now... but things can change in the next two years. You are November of 2011.... I would wait untl AT LEAST Novemeber of 2010. A full year for them should be more than enough notice. I WISH I had waited on this. TRUST ME.
StellaStar13
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
IMPO, I would make her a Jr. Bridesmaid. I think it will ease any guilty feelings you might have and any possible hurt feelings she might have (not saying she does but you never know) and maybe this is a gateway to help build a relationship w/her.
Good Luck!
dshb
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
I think it’s important to remember that this is yours and your FH day. You have to do what is going to make you guys feel the best. I also think its important to know that you still have time to think about it. Why don’t you feel out the situation and see if she feels upset that she isn’t in the BP. If you decide to have her there isn’t anything wrong with having her as Junior BM. Try not to stress and remember to do what makes you feel the best. It will all work out.
FallBride2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
If you arent close to her, I wouldnt put her in it. I have two cousins on my Dad's side...my sister put in one sister and not the other and I dont think it was an issue at all.
AngnShaun
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
my neice will be 15 when shes my jr bm... its definitely not to old... i wouldnt be surprised if she did feel left out... but my no means should you feel guilty for not having her....
Tessie728
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
Put whoever YOU want in your bridal party! You dont want to look back in 10 years and be like, ' why did i put this person?'. Honestly, Its not like you guys talk everyday and she would be hurt...why would she expect to be in it? I know I sound harsh, but I am a firm believer in doing what YOU want because that is what I have been forced to do. If I put everyone who wanted to be in my BP i would have 11 bridesmaids!!!
ourwedding9510
Posted:
Member since
Re: don't know what to do
My cousin recently got married and asked my older sister and myself to be in her BP. She didn't ask my little sister because she honestly never really had a 'friend' type of relationship with my younger sister (who is 22). She recently came over and sat down with my little sister and explained to her that she loves her and would have loved to ask her to be in the BP but she's just closer with me and my older sister. My little sister really appreciated my cousin talking to her about it. If anyone asks you can also say 'we deciced to have a BP over 21 and older' so no one is left out of the Bach Parties!!!
Anyway, I would say, sit down with your cousin or even her mom and just let her know that while you would love to have her in it, it's just too many people. My cousin used this line 'I love you, your my cousin, but I'm closer with your sisters. You know what I mean? If they weren't my cousins, they'd be my friends'. It puts it into a little more of prespective.
