Don't know what to do about friend's wedding

To make a long story short my MOH's wedding is next week and DH & I are dreading going. We really don't like this guy for many reasons. My parents are going to the wedding as well and they don't particularly like him either.

How do I go and try to be happy for her? This is really, really hard for me. I feel terribly because she is one of my best friends and I don't even want to discuss wedding details with her.

BTW, I am not in the wedding because as she says, she is having a small wedding and just her sister is in the BP.

I need some advice ladies!

Honestly, we all know what it was like right before our weddings. We were stressed and excited all in one and we didn't want to hear anyone's negativity.

One suggestion, be happy for her, not necessarily them, but be happy for her and enjoy the day with her!!

Thanks for the tip Betsy!

I definitely won't be giving her any negativity! I haven't said anything negative throughout the entire process.

I guess what I am asking is how do I get through the day and 'fake' being happy. I know that sounds mean and that is not who I am. But I am having a really hard time with this whole thing. It is quite challenging to watch your friend make a mistake.

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Posted by Jen2999

hmm that is a tough one, but I would try to just grin and bear it so to speak. If she is happy, then you kinda just have to stand by and be there for her even if you KNOW it is wrong.

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Thanks Jen! I figured that is what I need to do. I just know it is going to get harder and harder as I go through the next 10 days and the pit in my stomach is getting bigger. Thanks for the tips! I am going to have to keep what you said in mind.

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Posted by ewickens

Honestly, we all know what it was like right before our weddings. We were stressed and excited all in one and we didn't want to hear anyone's negativity.

One suggestion, be happy for her, not necessarily them, but be happy for her and enjoy the day with her!!

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def. If she's a true friend to you, than you can put your feelings aside and TRUELY be happy for her.

FM

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Posted by Kerrycec

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Posted by ewickens

Honestly, we all know what it was like right before our weddings. We were stressed and excited all in one and we didn't want to hear anyone's negativity.

One suggestion, be happy for her, not necessarily them, but be happy for her and enjoy the day with her!!

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def. If she's a true friend to you, than you can put your feelings aside and TRUELY be happy for her.

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I understand what everyone is saying but in all honesty it is quite difficult to be happy for someone that you care about so much when they are making a poor decision. I know everyone is going to say I am being mean and cold and probably think I am not a nice person. But I honestly don't know that I could be happy that someone I care about is marrying such a jerk that doesn't treat her well.

I will go and have a good time with other friends and family. But it will be hard to be 'happy for her'

I agree with the other ladies, this is difficult but you have to try to be happy for her. Maybe she sees something in him that you don't, and hopefully they'll prove you wrong and have a successful marriage together. Just be there to show her how much you care about her, not necessarily that you approve of this guy.

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I agree with the other ladies, this is difficult but you have to try to be happy for her. Maybe she sees something in him that you don't, and hopefully they'll prove you wrong and have a successful marriage together. Just be there to show her how much you care about her, not necessarily that you approve of this guy.

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Thanks Cindy! well said.

I was in the exact same postion in 2004 - but the bride was my sister and I was the MOH. All I can say is that the love I have for my sister overshadowed how I felt about the jerk she was marrying. The other thing was seeing her glow on her wedding day made being happy for her much easier than I expected.

PS.
They're still married, their daughter is beautiful and a complete joy, and he is slowly proving everyone wrong (not about being a jerk, but about being able to keep my sister happy).

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Posted by October Bliss

I was in the exact same postion in 2004 - but the bride was my sister and I was the MOH. All I can say is that the love I have for my sister overshadowed how I felt about the jerk she was marrying. The other thing was seeing her glow on her wedding day made being happy for her much easier than I expected.

PS.
They're still married, their daughter is beautiful and a complete joy, and he is slowly proving everyone wrong (not about being a jerk, but about being able to keep my sister happy).

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Thanks for the advice and story! I am going to be happy for her and do whatever she needs the day of. I hope it turns out for the best. Thanks!

I agree with what the other ladies have said. She is your best friend and while you may not be happy with her choice of a husband try be happy for her and act like you're having fun.

It sounds like you just need to go, and really be happy for her. Even if you're faking it. THis is her decision, she is in love...........I think you just need to trust her judgement, accept her decision (even if you disagree with her choice of mate) and be really really happy for her b/c she is so happy.

Look at it as if you're celebrating her happiness.......forget about the guy, all the outside things.....just celebrate your friend's happiness.

Boy this brings back a lot of memories. My BF married a class-A jerk the first time around; it was a disaster from the moment they started dating, but on the wedding day, i knew as she walked down that aisle that if I was right, she was REALLY going to need a friend one day.
Well 3 years later that proved true. It ended and she was a wreck - for a little while. BUt guess what, she's now deliriously happily remarried with 2 beautiful kiddies and feels NO bitterness about the whole thing. I still can't stand the creep
As she reminded me, everyone's entitled to make their OWN mistakes, I have to be reminded of that sometimes when i'm trying to 'protect' people from themselves!!
So try to be happy for your friend, and if you have a 'moment' or two of stress or sadness, just step away for a few minutes and you'll be fine. Make DH dance with you or ANYTHING to change the feeling. Good luck to you, and your friend!!!

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

You should go, and be supportive. Its her decision to marry this guy, and if she is happy you should be happy for her.

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I agree - I think that she is probably very happy and sees something in this guy that makes her feel so happy and complete and you just have to be happy that she is happy. You do not have to agree with it or like it, but be happy for your friend that she is happy. And just always be by her side no matter what.

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Posted by Colette

Boy this brings back a lot of memories. My BF married a class-A jerk the first time around; it was a disaster from the moment they started dating, but on the wedding day, i knew as she walked down that aisle that if I was right, she was REALLY going to need a friend one day.
Well 3 years later that proved true. It ended and she was a wreck - for a little while. BUt guess what, she's now deliriously happily remarried with 2 beautiful kiddies and feels NO bitterness about the whole thing. I still can't stand the creep
As she reminded me, everyone's entitled to make their OWN mistakes, I have to be reminded of that sometimes when i'm trying to 'protect' people from themselves!!
So try to be happy for your friend, and if you have a 'moment' or two of stress or sadness, just step away for a few minutes and you'll be fine. Make DH dance with you or ANYTHING to change the feeling. Good luck to you, and your friend!!!

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Thanks so much! Great story and thanks for the advice!!!