Don't really know FH's family

Some background info first:

Most of FH's family lives out of state or out of the country. I've met some at a wedding (and just waved hello at others) and they are not particularly close to FH.
They are ALL invited to the wedding because the unspoken rule in his family is, 'everyone is invited' and that's that. I told him that we need to re-think it -- I mean he's not that close to them and I hardly know them at all but he is adament because he said they would be offended. He firmly believes that they will all come. His mother agrees.

sooooooooo, Here's my question. What can I do to make them feel super welcome -- other than the OOT bags? They're not invited to the RD (too expensive) so I'm only seeing them on the actual day of the wedding.

Should I mix the tables so that my family will mingle with his? What else can I do?

TIA!!!!!!

do you mean the day of the wedding? It's a mid-day wedding. Ceremony at 11:30 and reception at 1:30, ending at 6:30.

Do you think I should write a personal note after they rsvp yes just talking about how I look forward to sharing my day with them and maybe end it with my e-mail address so that they can get in touch if they'd like?

You know, I couldn't sleep last night thinking about how I'm going to make sure they feel welcome and have a good time.

I like the idea of doing a brunch or lunch before the wedding. Not the day of but either the day before or two days ahead. Depending on when everyone is arriving and how many OOTers you are talking about.

It may be a little hectic for you with all the little last minute details, but if you can manage it I think it would be a very nice gesture.

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Some background info first:

Most of FH's family lives out of state or out of the country. I've met some at a wedding (and just waved hello at others) and they are not particularly close to FH.
They are ALL invited to the wedding because the unspoken rule in his family is, 'everyone is invited' and that's that. I told him that we need to re-think it -- I mean he's not that close to them and I hardly know them at all but he is adament because he said they would be offended. He firmly believes that they will all come. His mother agrees.

sooooooooo, Here's my question. What can I do to make them feel super welcome -- other than the OOT bags? They're not invited to the RD (too expensive) so I'm only seeing them on the actual day of the wedding.

Should I mix the tables so that my family will mingle with his? What else can I do?

TIA!!!!!!

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I am sort of in the same place as you and it's a major relief to 'meet' someone with similar worries to mine.

My FH loves his family but simply aren't close to them. I have never met anyone in his family and people think we are nuts to get married without me having met his peops (my parents are horrified). I will likely meet his parents the day before our wedding

And ontop of that we are interracial and international (neither my parents or his are American born and aren't from the same country even remotely) so it complicates the whole scenario, culturally and emotionally.

I think mixing the tables is not perhaps the greatest idea. I am undecided about that. I am all for people having a good time and forcing interactions where perhaps they aren't natural doesn't sound like a good time to me.

The OOT bags are a really nice thought and I think I will do that too.

I hope we can stay in touch and share how it all works out with our FILs.

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Posted by Annoulak

On theknot.com i saw something about a freelance writer who writes a story about you and FH...maybe you could do something similar on your own...write a small story describing both of you, how you met, and a brief bit about various members of your immediate family (parents & siblings). That way both sets of family members will know more about you guys and the other family. It won't be 'welcoming' but it'll be a nice ice-breaker

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This is a great idea --- where would I put it? Would it be weird to mail that out? I have a wedding website but who knows how many people in his family will actually check it out (a lot of older relatives)

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Posted by NYCGirl2008

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Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri

Some background info first:

Most of FH's family lives out of state or out of the country. I've met some at a wedding (and just waved hello at others) and they are not particularly close to FH.
They are ALL invited to the wedding because the unspoken rule in his family is, 'everyone is invited' and that's that. I told him that we need to re-think it -- I mean he's not that close to them and I hardly know them at all but he is adament because he said they would be offended. He firmly believes that they will all come. His mother agrees.

sooooooooo, Here's my question. What can I do to make them feel super welcome -- other than the OOT bags? They're not invited to the RD (too expensive) so I'm only seeing them on the actual day of the wedding.

Should I mix the tables so that my family will mingle with his? What else can I do?

TIA!!!!!!

---

I am sort of in the same place as you and it's a major relief to 'meet' someone with similar worries to mine.

My FH loves his family but simply aren't close to them. I have never met anyone in his family and people think we are nuts to get married without me having met his peops (my parents are horrified). I will likely meet his parents the day before our wedding

And ontop of that we are interracial and international (neither my parents or his are American born and aren't from the same country even remotely) so it complicates the whole scenario, culturally and emotionally.

I think mixing the tables is not perhaps the greatest idea. I am undecided about that. I am all for people having a good time and forcing interactions where perhaps they aren't natural doesn't sound like a good time to me.

The OOT bags are a really nice thought and I think I will do that too.

I hope we can stay in touch and share how it all works out with our FILs.

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Wow, you're meeting his parents just before the wedding? That's tough.
I think in your case it's really important to talk to them on the phone (even with a translator). Maybe you can find ways to include his mom in some of the planning.
Do you feel pressured to make a certain impression on his family? I do. Last night I was thinking that I hope no one in my family says or does anything embarrassing, like drunken reggae dancing, lol.
Please keep in touch!
:)

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Posted by MAY24BRIDE

Did you have an engagement party? That's where I met a lot of FH's close relatives. It was a fairly small, very simple party. 100 people, buffet, no invites...our parents just called...mostly adults....we made our own centerpieces....very low key. But, it gave both sides a chance to at least briefly meet us and our parents. there will still be a ton of people at the wedding that i haven't met yet, but the engagement party was a good start.

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We had a dinner party with close friends and our immediate families. Instead of an announcement we personally called and shared the good news with other family and friends. A lot of his family is from out of state (or country) and would not have attended. But this is something newbies should keep in mind -- an engagement party can break the ice.