Don't want a good friend as a bridesmaid....

This is a complicated situation. I have been good friends with one of my girlfriends for the past six years. She is the kind of friend who is very loyal, I can tell anything to, and we have fun together. On the other hand, she is extremely negative, naive, and seriously lacks common sense.

I know that if I don't make her a bridesmaid, she will be very upset, especially since I may be asking other people from our circle of friends, and I know that she considers me a very good friend. But I feel like through the planning process and especially on the day of my wedding, I want to be surrounded by positive energy. I can't help but think that she will annoy the crap out of me with her negativity and comments (because she already has).

When I say her comments will annoy me, for ex: I showed her a bridesmaid dress that I loved, and she told me she didn't like it. I showed her the gown that I am in LOVE with, and her response was, 'That's different.' Now, I do appreciate her honesty, but at the same time, I feel like I'm the bride and I didn't ask for her opinion (sorry for the bridezilla-ness...but...). Also, whenever I call her out on her negativity, her response is, 'Easy for you to say. You have the perfect life.' SO DAMN ANNOYING (and not true)!!

WHAT DO I DO??? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't feel that I want her to be a BM, either. HELP. Opinions? Advice?

Simple answer: Honesty is the best policy.

You have the right to choose who you do. There's something that strikes me that this girl is one of your closest friends yet you say she annoys the crap out of you.

Is her negativity recent? Could it be a life situation that has her down or perhaps a bit of jealousy?

I'd tell her - you really value her as a friend, but ultimately the role of a bridesmaid is to help provide emotional support and help physically with some planning. She seems to have a different outlook/wedding taste than yours... which might be an issue.

Now - if she could be positive or keep her mouth shut, would you want her as a bridesmaid?

If so maybe offer her. If not, oh well.

If she's a good friend of yours then maybe she's just going through a life issue.. one of my REALLLLLY good friends was being sort of negative when she found out I was engaged. We had a heart-to-heart and she revealed that she felt like it might change our relationship somehow. I let her know that just like before, things would be the same.. maybe even better!

I try to think of it as.. do I see myself in her bridal party? Are we THAT close? For me, it's consistently been that all the women that are in my are those who I would imagine myself as their bridesmaids (Granted, I know it doesn't always work out that way) But I just used to it to wage how I felt.

Either way, in the end, it comes down to how you feel. Don't just add her in for the sake of not causing drama because you may cause yourself future headaches. Try to find the root of the issue and if the issue is.. she's not who you thought she is.. Bye!

I feel the same way. Is it the same girl? Lol
She don't even care about my wedding. she will text me Did you pick your bridal party yet. Well she never was in one either so what does that tell you. I feel the same way as you I don't want to be around negative people on my Wedding day and that's what we r gonna get if we put them in. My friend has another wedding that day so if I don't put her in mine Ahe will not go to my wedding.
Since u are very close maybe talk to her about why all the negative things she's saying. Something that way is usually jealous.

Eunice is so right :). I'm taking her advice as well. If I add another BM I'm gonna put his cousin in :) and the headaches with these girls will be over. I'll just have to deal with the bull of not putting her in.

People should be honored your asking an even think of putting them in it. My whole bridal party is family except my MOH but stay strong and do what you want. You will limit your stores by not putting her in and I should take that advice too. I know it's hard situation to be in because you feel the closeness and the bond you have is something you want to consider buy think of what Ahe does to make you not smile. That's what I'm doing now. She came over with her sister and didn't even seem interested in my RH or my hotel. I literally just stopped the pics And she didn't notice.

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Posted by Butterflyfaye


Simple answer: Honesty is the best policy.

You have the right to choose who you do. There's something that strikes me that this girl is one of your closest friends yet you say she annoys the crap out of you.

Is her negativity recent? Could it be a life situation that has her down or perhaps a bit of jealousy?

I'd tell her - you really value her as a friend, but ultimately the role of a bridesmaid is to help provide emotional support and help physically with some planning. She seems to have a different outlook/wedding taste than yours... which might be an issue.

Now - if she could be positive or keep her mouth shut, would you want her as a bridesmaid?

If so maybe offer her. If not, oh well.

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I know honesty IS the best policy, but it's not always the nicest policy, especially when you don't want to hurt someone. FH says the same thing, and he's baffled, about how I consider her a good friend, yet she annoys the crap out of me. I can't explain it. She is someone that I don't want to hurt, that I trust, have fun with, talk to about anything, that has been nothing but good to me. Her glass-half-empty attitude just drives me up the wall.

Her negativity is not recent. It's always been there. I guess it's more prevalent to me now more than ever because I am very happy at this point in my life and choose to look on the bright side of things. I have talked to her about my feelings on this and how it affects me, and she tells me that I live a perfect life and see the world through rose-colored glasses. Not true.

I hate to say this, but sometimes I do feel that she is jealous. She has told me that she thinks my FH is the perfect guy and that I'm so lucky. I know she wants to settle down and start a family, but she can't find her guy.

I'm not necessarily looking for her to keep her mouth shut - I think that's a bit harsh - but if she could be positive and not argue with my opinion of how I want my wedding, then yes, I would like for her to be a BM.

With her comment about, easy for u to say u ave the perfect life.. she is def jealous. Maybe not in a she wishes u bad way.. but maybe she envys what u have going on in your life right now and its making her act that way.

Regardless, if you dont want her in your BP then dont feel like u have to do anything u dont want to. I have other good friends who I didnt choose for my BP. The only reason Im even having 5 is bcuz FH is having 5 GM and I wanted it to be even. Point is, u cant please everyone and EVERYONE cant be in the BP. Just do what u think is best. U dont want to ask her to be in it bcuz u feel bad and then regret it later. It will only make the situation worse.