a friend of mine is 'afraid' she is going to be asked to be a bridesmaid for a girl who she does not want to be be a bridesmaid for.
the problem is, she (we) cannot come up with something appropriate to say in order to decline the expected invitation. of course my friend would like to spare the girl's feelings but she REALLY does not want to be in the bridal party (she doesn't really LIKE the girl ... sad to say)!
have any of you been in this situation before, and if so, how have you declined being a bridesmaid? advice from anybody else would also be greatly appreciated!
thanks!
julybride44
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
I had to tell a friend no and I was honest. I didn't have the money and her wedding was going to be close to my college finals. I just couldn't do it.
One of my BM's is a close friend, and when I asked her she made it clear that she wanted to do it but had financial/time limitations (she's in law school). My wedding ended up being in the summer, and I didn't make her go to the showers or pay for her dress, so she was so happy and she was in it.
I say just be honest. Maybe she's in another wedding or she is just too busy. Maybe she could offer to do something less committed like go dress shopping w/her?
I think the financial road is the best way to go....is she looking for a house...paying off credit cards...planning a wedding of her own?
but she should have a plan if the girl says she'll pay for her dress...
Marcela1654
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
I had to decline once for a family friend in Florida. Her wedding was too close to my finals and I just couldn't dedicate time to her wedding.
butterfly20
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i agree the financial route seems the best way to go
Sweetness
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Tell the truth! Something like I couldn't be the best bridesmaid i would want to be for your one and only special day
Miro127
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
thanks for the responses! it's not an easy situation. the money thing *might* work, but there's a definite possibility of that backfiring with a counter-offer. any other ideas?
Miro127
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
marcela, when you declined, did you simply say 'sorry, it's too close to my finals' or did you BS your way through it? i also like the idea of offering to do something else in place of being a bridesmaid (i will of course be sending my friend the link to this thread!)
Marcela1654
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
I told her that I felt honored to be chosen as a bridesmaid, but unfortunately I wouldn't be able to do the things bridesmaids have to do because of finals and the school work load that comes at the end of the semester. She totally understood. When is the girl's wedding? Does your friend go to school? Could she tell her something like this? It's a tough situation I wish your friend luck.
Hi I just want to comment i was asked to be in the wedding of a very close friend, at the time i was also a BM for my best friend who had asked a few months prior to her... well, to make a long story short, the seconds brides mother offered to pay for my dress if i would accecpt.... and wouldnt you know it when it came time to pay she played stupid and i ended up paying the $250.00 !!!!!! And yes i attended the showers and chipped in for a lot of stuff...in the end i felt financially used... SO if she cant do for $$$ make sure you have a back up plan ... i had a close friend tell me in advance that shes not a good BM because shes never around and always too busy ...I didnt ask her, shes not offended and we are still great friends...
PrincessRose
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
Don't spare her feelings.
If your friend doesn't like the girl, she is wasting this girl's time by pretending to a friendship she doesn't care about.
This bride is much better off spending time with and on other friends who do like her, and she certainly doesn't need dead weight in her bridal party.
Sorry to be so blunt about it, but I've been on the receiving end. My 'Best Friend' of 20 or so years just did it to me, a week or two before I got engaged, and a few days before my birthday. She knew it was coming.
I am much better off without her 'help'.
If she can't bring herself to do it, the financial/time commitment route is the best way to go, and then slowly back out of this girl's life.
Donna
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
I had to do this last year for a 'friend' when I knew that we had drifted apart. I just told her that I had too much going on in my life and that I wouldn't be able to be there for her like I had in the past, bottom line I wasn't going to be the best bridesmaid in the world. $$ is always a good reason because I think it's always cost me about 1500 to be a BM.
Mich1108
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
I also have used the money excuse. Basically, my friend and I had grown apart & at the time she asked me, I was MOH for another friend's wedding but I said yes to the 2nd friend. Then my sister got engaged & I was MOH for her wedding so I had to go back to the 2nd friend & explain that I just couldn't afford to be in hers. I think that if I felt differently about her to begin with, I probably would have sucked it up and scrounged up the money but I don't think there's really any other good excuse to back out of a wedding party. Sometimes complete honesty is not the best policy. If the bride offers to pay for anything that your friend can't, she should just say that it's a nice offer but she wouldn't feel comfortable not being able to pay her own way & leave it at that. If she doesn't like the girl that much, who cares if she gets offended b/c chances are, they might not be friends much longer anyway.
Maribelle7777
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Re: don't want to be a bridesmaid
Is there a way your friend can 'casually' mention how she feels she doesn't want to be in any more bridal parties...that the few she was in were fun but she really would rather be a guest from now on.
What Million04 said is probably the best way to go too, seeing that the money thing might back-fire. Your friend can say that with her job and other things she can't guarantee she can 'be there' when the bride to be needs her.
My aunt actually said something like this to me when FH and I were dating. I don't think we were talking about when I got married though. But she said that her daughters (who are my age, 34) are not interested in being in anyone's BP these days. Fine by me - they weren't going to be asked anyway!
