Drama

My FSIL and FBIL live in AZ-they have a 2 year old who is in our wedding party and they are both in our wedding party. FSIL is prego and the new baby will be 5 months old at the weeding. Both FI and myself do not want the baby at the wedding. We feel that with both of them being involved in the BP and having to watch the RB it will be too much. Last night FI tells his sis this and she basically told him that she is bringing her new baby and that is that. Now I underrated that you may have no one to watch the baby and I understand that you are breast feeding BUT I think it is terribly presumptuous to just assume that you can bring the baby with out asking . At that point why not just say that maybe being in the BP is not feasible. We have a 4 pm ceremony with a 8pm cocktail hour and I just can not see how she plans on having both kids by her side all day and still take care of pics , etc with ease. I know that this is going to just cause HUGE drama-maybe I am being unreasonable. They both grew up here and she outright said that she does not 'trust' her MIL or SIL to watch the baby all day....

Someone tell me something because I am a loss.....

Unfortunately I don't have words of wisdom for you...I am in a similiar situation but I feel the opposite...Both my brother & SIL are in the bridal party & have my nephew who will be 5 months old at the wedding...When my SIL told me she was preggo & that the baby would be here for the wedding, I suggested that the baby be at the wedding...They are coming from OOT also & I figured it would be a great opportunity for others to see the baby...My SIL who is also breastfeeding thought it would be better if the baby stays with her mom so that they can enjoy their time..

Now that I think of it, I am happy the baby will not be there bc it is going to be WAY too loud for a 5 month old...But my nephew will be at church & also will be taking pictures with me!

Honestly, I don't know what you can do...It is a tough spot & will cause tons of friction if you tell them now to back out of the BP...Maybe you could bring light to their eyes about the 'loud' factor with the music & see what they say...

Tough situation.

I am NOT a proponent of babies at weddings AT ALL - especially when they are night time weddings which run late and tend to be rather formal. However, your FSIL seems to be quite adamant about bringing her child. I venture to say (but I could be wrong) that it has little to do with breast feeding (we have pumps and babysitters for this purpose) but rather an opportunity to showcase her baby and possibly gaining a little bit of attention for herself.

As far as not trusting in-laws to watch children, that blows me away. I have heard that happen before. These are the same people who raised us and our spouses. Unless they have a severe psychiatric or neurological disorder that renders them unable to care for a child- or lack the ability to walk or carry ANYTHING, how can you not trust your inlaws with a baby? Even if you dont like them, I am sure they wouldnt poison a child or drop them on their heads for crying out loud.

As far as the 'loud factor' goes that is an argument that does not always hold water. I cannot tell you how many functions I have been to with small children who can fall asleep ANYWHERE. My own nephew had a port-a-crib set up right behind our table at my nephew's Bar Mitzvah two weeks ago and was out cold for hours (may not have ben my choice but what can ya do?). It is when they are jarred out of sleep that they become frightened and cry.

So basically, I have no solution for you. They are going to bring that baby come hell or high water. The best thing you can do is ignore it and not feed into their obvious need for attention because their rationales for having the baby there are nothing short of lame IMO. Do not give it any more thought - it is not your problem to tend to the needs of this INFANT on your wedding day. Unless this kid is crying through out your ceremony, Id let it be. (Though I am on your side ) Good luck.

Thank you ladies...

I know that there is clearly a right thing to do here. How can I get her to see that being in the BP with her husband and other child is just not the answer if she intends to have the baby there?

Goldi-very well said. You write beautifully.