drama...

okay, this is long but...i really need to vent!!!
i'm so upset. my mom and dad ...i really think have lost their minds. when we first got engaged, they were so happy for us, excited, etc. they were nice enough to help us pay for somethings, very very sweet gesture since we were planning on doing it all on our own. anyway, several months ago, my dad, who owns his own business, like many many people, has been feeling the poor economy. business is slow, etc. But again, we're paying for a lot of the wedding, so their gift isn't needed right now so they don't need to feel the 'wedding pinch' ...I'm gonna fast forward to now... since this horrible turn of events, my parents have been consumed with business/money/etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I TOTALLY understand that. I'm struggling, FH is doing okay, his family is struggling...etc etc. who isn't?! i do understand that stress and I really am sympathetic...i am!!

anyway, the problem isn't that they're stressed. The problem is that they simply refuse to be excited or happy for me at all now. i went to tell them that i booked our HM and my mom 'shushed' me...SHUSHED me.. and told me to not mention it to my dad, and her comment was simply 'oh yeah?, that's nice.' she didn't even ask me WHERE we're going!! I can't even convey to you how subdued her response was.

when my BMs dresses came in, i told my mom and she said 'that's nice.' it's all she says 'that's nice.' ...just tonight i tried to talk to her about it....that i know that they are struggling but so am I and I still need my mom and dad to be happy for me. My wedding is in 127 days. I'm supposed to be so happy and excited. I'm at the point where I can't even be excited to my own family...i'm so depressed. i tried to talk to her tonight and she got so mad at me and said that I'M being mad for no reason and to just wait a month or two before I start talking about the wedding to them...WTH!? this is going to sound sappy...but if not for FH and the girls on LIW, i'd have NO ONE to share anything with. sorry, i just feel so sad. thanks for letting me vent. and sorry so long!

I'm sorry to hear about the subdued responses you've been getting lately. The only thing i can say is give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there is more going on than you're realizing. Either way, it's no excuse. You need your parents' support right now. I would sit down with your mom and explain to her about how you're feeling and what you're feeling. Also try to get to the bottom of why your mom is so laid back about the entire situation. Make sure you stay calm and don't go into the convo as if you are attacking...more or less that you are sincerely upset and need her to be your right hand during this time. GL and HTH

I'm so sorry... I know how difficult it can be when you are so excited about something (as you should be) and your family isn't sharing that excitement I hope that things change. I'm kind of curious why she would like you to wait a month or two. Maybe something is going on right now that is extremely stressful to them that they know will be over in a few months. I'm sorry they are not sharing in your joy. I know I'm not family, but I would love to be excited for you! Where did you book? What do your BMs dresses look like? Please do share.. It's so exciting to plan your wedding, and I want you to be excited too!!

They probably wanted to help you out with the honeymoon or something to that affect and your dad probably feels terrible that he can't do it. That is probably what's going on. They will come around I'm sure...

I'm editing to say that they still should be excited for you and I know that ***** - it's not about them- but maybe they feel like failure cause they dreamed of giving you this gift for your wedding and can't provide it now....

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Posted by caligirl87

... I know I'm not family, but I would love to be excited for you! Where did you book? What do your BMs dresses look like? Please do share.. It's so exciting to plan your wedding, and I want you to be excited too!!

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thanks so much :o) what a sweet response :o) ... well we booked a trip to Australia. We've wanted to go forever. We haven't travelled at all, or basically done anything for the past several years in order to save for it. I'm very excited about that. I'm hoping we have such an amazing, adventurous trip :o) .. and the girls dresses just came in. I only have one picture in my album right now...they aren't going for fittings yet...i can't find any other pictures online ...but i LOVE their dresses.

...
i'm sure that my parents business issues are such a horrible weight on their shoulders. i do agree. i just wish, however unrealistic this may sound, that they could separate the two...and be excited for me too.

besides all that, thank you to you and everyone that took the time to say all these nice things. i really really needed to vent, and what you've all said really has cheered me up quite a bit. excellent advice and thoughtful things to say...

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Posted by JoesFutureWife

I'm sorry to hear about the subdued responses you've been getting lately. The only thing i can say is give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there is more going on than you're realizing. Either way, it's no excuse. You need your parents' support right now. I would sit down with your mom and explain to her about how you're feeling and what you're feeling. Also try to get to the bottom of why your mom is so laid back about the entire situation. Make sure you stay calm and don't go into the convo as if you are attacking...more or less that you are sincerely upset and need her to be your right hand during this time. GL and HTH

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i'm definitely going to try to sit down with her calmly and try to get to the bottom of all this. (sigh)...i just hope that it goes well. we've always had a good relationship...i hate that there is this unspoken tension... but thank you for your thoughts :o) and hugs

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Posted by StaceYums81

They probably wanted to help you out with the honeymoon or something to that affect and your dad probably feels terrible that he can't do it. That is probably what's going on. They will come around I'm sure...

I'm editing to say that they still should be excited for you and I know that ***** - it's not about them- but maybe they feel like failure cause they dreamed of giving you this gift for your wedding and can't provide it now....

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i definitely know what you are saying. it breaks my heart that they could feel that way. i hope my convo goes well tomorrow. but thank you for the good thoughts and hugs

I have to say I totally understand what you are saying. . this is such a rough time to be planning a wedding and must really hurt that your parents can't be excited for you. . I went through some bad financial stuff with my family and felt like I couldn't talk about anything. .. and cried every day for about a month. .. luckily my family has been great but still know went through the feeling like you should not be excited about things b/c of taking care of someone else's reaction when you should be getting all the love and support in the world right now!! so keep telling us and we will keep being excited for you. .and hope your parents come around!!!!

edited to say - I agree with the above poster about the HM - I know my dad planned to surprise us with paying for our HM and now we are going to do it on our own and he felt pretty awful. . . that can be heart breaking too -

try to talk to her. but also be mindful of when to bring up the conversation. if she already look stressed, the convo probably wont go well. maybe say you want to take her out to brunch on sunday. go to ihop or something cheap. she may appreciate just 'getting away' and being 'treated.' then, when in a better environment, it may be a better start to the conversation.

GOOD LUCK

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Posted by mandyandbrian

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Posted by caligirl87

... I know I'm not family, but I would love to be excited for you! Where did you book? What do your BMs dresses look like? Please do share.. It's so exciting to plan your wedding, and I want you to be excited too!!

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thanks so much :o) what a sweet response :o) ... well we booked a trip to Australia. We've wanted to go forever. We haven't travelled at all, or basically done anything for the past several years in order to save for it. I'm very excited about that. I'm hoping we have such an amazing, adventurous trip :o) .. and the girls dresses just came in. I only have one picture in my album right now...they aren't going for fittings yet...i can't find any other pictures online ...but i LOVE their dresses.

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Your BM dresses are GOREGOUS! I'm not just saying that... I love them!!! I'm doing a blue wedding too, and I think they are perfect! In fact I might order one for myself to wear to one of FH's military balls..

I also looked at your makeup and invitations... They turned out great! You are such a beautiful girl and Shelly really highlighted that beauty! Did you book her?

Australia?!? That's freakin' awesome. What are you guys going to do there? Are you going to explore on your own or do you have somethings planned? I could spend a whole week just sitting there listening to their accents!! Talk about hot! You should tell FH he has to learn one for you while you are there.

im so sorry u r going through this..im sure they r not doing it on purpose..they r just stressed out..andi really know how u feel trust me..its so hard when ur parents r not as excited as the bride is or at least not showing it..but just remember deep down they love u and could not be happier for you...in the meantime u have all of us and we cannot wait for ur big day..hope u feel better..fm me anytimeu want to talk

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Posted by mandyandbrian

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Posted by caligirl87

... I know I'm not family, but I would love to be excited for you! Where did you book? What do your BMs dresses look like? Please do share.. It's so exciting to plan your wedding, and I want you to be excited too!!

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thanks so much :o) what a sweet response :o) ... well we booked a trip to Australia. We've wanted to go forever. We haven't travelled at all, or basically done anything for the past several years in order to save for it. I'm very excited about that. I'm hoping we have such an amazing, adventurous trip :o) .. and the girls dresses just came in. I only have one picture in my album right now...they aren't going for fittings yet...i can't find any other pictures online ...but i LOVE their dresses.

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OMG!!! You're going to Australia!!! We're trying to combine Aussie with Fiji! FH LOVES, LOVES Australia, he says the only reason he came back was to meet and marry me. You're going to have a wonderful time. We're hoping to do the Barrier Reef, wine tours and sailing while we are there. It will be the adventure portion of our honeymoon.



Did you book tours/excursions as well?! There's so much to do I'm excited for you. Did you use a travel agent?

Maybe you can do a girls day with your mom. Maybe if you break the ice a little she will be able to share what is hurting her.

I am sorry you are hurting. I am having family problems right now and it is so hard to not have that support. Please FM if you need to talk!

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Posted by caligirl87

Your BM dresses are GOREGOUS! I'm not just saying that... I love them!!! I'm doing a blue wedding too, and I think they are perfect! In fact I might order one for myself to wear to one of FH's military balls..

I also looked at your makeup and invitations... They turned out great! You are such a beautiful girl and Shelly really highlighted that beauty! Did you book her?

Australia?!? That's freakin' awesome. What are you guys going to do there? Are you going to explore on your own or do you have somethings planned? I could spend a whole week just sitting there listening to their accents!! Talk about hot! You should tell FH he has to learn one for you while you are there.

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thanks so much!! :o) i fell in LOVE with my BM dresses. they are this gorgeous silk, it's so light and yet so luxurious. i wish i could buy one, just so i'd have it

and also, that's so nice of you to say. i love the makeup, especially how shelly did the eyes, i haven't booked her yet, i'm undecided about the traditional makeup, it was kinda heavy and made me feel a little oily (which i could tend to be sometimes)...so i'm not sure. i'm doing one more trial with a diff. MU artist: marie katz next friday to try airbrushing... i've heard it's really cool, so we'll see. i LOVE how shelly did my makeup, but i don't see it lasting the whole day...i'm still undecided... :o)

and finally, I am PSYCHED about australia. i can't hardly believe we actually booked it! we are going to be doing a LOT but also spending a lot of downtime... it's kinda evenly spread throughout the trip. i seriously hope i come home with the accent! omg, and it'd be so hot if FH adopts that whole bad-boy aussie accent too but i'm so excited. are you planning a HM? ..come to think of it, before i keep babbling about me me me, i should check out your pics :o) lol i'm gonna do that now!

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Posted by MrsCastanedain09




OMG!!! You're going to Australia!!! We're trying to combine Aussie with Fiji! FH LOVES, LOVES Australia, he says the only reason he came back was to meet and marry me. You're going to have a wonderful time. We're hoping to do the Barrier Reef, wine tours and sailing while we are there. It will be the adventure portion of our honeymoon.



Did you book tours/excursions as well?! There's so much to do I'm excited for you. Did you use a travel agent?

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that's SO cool! i haven't really met anyone yet that's gone or will be going. i'm so so excited to hear your thoughts, you made me even more excited. some of the things were doing are: snorkeling in the Barrier reef, touring the blue mountains, taking an aboriginal tour of ayers rock, and also, going to a few zoos and i know there's one place where we get up close with koalas and echidnas!! i'm so excited. you're wine tour and sailing sounds AMAZING!!! i can't wait to go. we should share pictures!!!!!

where are you sailing? i only know of the whitsundays...

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thanks so much!! :o) i fell in LOVE with my BM dresses. they are this gorgeous silk, it's so light and yet so luxurious. i wish i could buy one, just so i'd have it

and also, that's so nice of you to say. i love the makeup, especially how shelly did the eyes, i haven't booked her yet, i'm undecided about the traditional makeup, it was kinda heavy and made me feel a little oily (which i could tend to be sometimes)...so i'm not sure. i'm doing one more trial with a diff. MU artist: marie katz next friday to try airbrushing... i've heard it's really cool, so we'll see. i LOVE how shelly did my makeup, but i don't see it lasting the whole day...i'm still undecided... :o)

and finally, I am PSYCHED about australia. i can't hardly believe we actually booked it! we are going to be doing a LOT but also spending a lot of downtime... it's kinda evenly spread throughout the trip. i seriously hope i come home with the accent! omg, and it'd be so hot if FH adopts that whole bad-boy aussie accent too but i'm so excited. are you planning a HM? ..come to think of it, before i keep babbling about me me me, i should check out your pics :o) lol i'm gonna do that now!

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Who makes the BM dresses? I'm going to ask FH if he'll spoil me with one

I think the eyes are my favorite part of your trial! Maybe you could have someone mimic it? I'm the same way about the makeup being heavy or my skin being oily! Let me know how the airbrushing works out!! I think I'm going to end up doing my own makeup, but I wish I could find a makeup that would last all day. Mine comes off under my eyes and I have such dark cycles... I'm so excited to see your new trial pics.. please post them :)

Haha!! That's how I want my HM to be too... A mix of lounging around and exploring!!! You are going to have a BLAST!!!!! I'm so glad you get to go after waiting for sooo long!!!

We are going to Sandals in Jamacia... We really wanted to go to Scotland and Ireland, but just didn't work out... maybe later. But I'm SOOOO excited!!!!!! We didn't think we could afford it, but FH surprised me and booked it without telling me!

as others have said, the economic problems might be more severe for your parents than they are letting on. and while you say everyone is struggling , which is definitely true, you need to remember there is a timeline to finances and you and FH have a lot LONGER to recover than your parents. they might be close to retirement and with the downturn have lost ALOT and face no retirement for either a long long time or may need to work part time forever!!!
now those circumstances are really someting to be upset about.

now this might not be their situation at all. but if it possibly is, then you might want to be understanding that their world was turned up side down and be sympathetic, not upset, that they are not excited for you.

It's a terrible shame all the way around for everyone.