Drama-rama with Future In-laws.. long sorry
I had a great weekend up until yesterday afternoon. Went to a wedding on Saturday and then to a bridal shower yesterday.
On my way home from the shower I carpooled with my Future Mother-in-Law and Future Sister-in-Law. It was the worst 15 minute ride of my life. I aksed my FMIL if she could give me addresses (i'd call her or come over) so she said my FSIL has everything.
Fine, good. great. I'll get them from her.
Then, my FSIL is like 'Oh I don't know who you are inviting, but you really should invite Tom (her husbands) parents.'
She invited my parents to her wedding, which I tried to protest about because I knew that this would happen. We are trying to have a small wedding and keep it to immediate family and close friends. (Her wedding was a very lavish affair and they had close to 200 guest; they invited close to 300.) My FH and I had already discussed her in laws coming, but we really just can't do it. There is a max. # of people allowed at the RH and to put it more simply, we can't afford it.
I was really taken a back by the way she said it, because she was really nasty about it. If she would have said it in a different way and not have been so demanding and forthcoming about it, I really would have found a way to make it work, but now, I can't fathom going out of my way to make room.
So continuing with the bombardment, his mom starts telling me how she wants to invite Tom's sisters... and her neighbors... and his fathers 3rd and 4th cousins....
I am seriously about to cry because we already discussed this, we can't afford it... she knows we can't afford this... she is not going split the bill. Not only am I upset though... she is totally making me feel like I'm being dumb about who I am inviting... how dare I not invite this people... I am getting so angry.
Finally, in front of my house, she says, “Well, if you don’t invite anyone else, you should at least invite Tony’s Family (meaning FH’s dad’s extended family, people I have never met and Charlie hasn’t seen in over 15 years.) It is only another 8 to 10 people.” This is not including dates, so it is really another 20.
When I got out of the car, I wanted to yell, “I don’t know if you get our problem, an extra $1000+ is more than we can afford! How dare you get nasty with me about who we are invited, you aren’t helping me out in anyway!” but instead, I got out of the car politely said goodbye walked into my house and started to cry hysterically.
Right now I feel very hurt, I feel like I was attacked being both of his family members made me feel like I was two feet tall, and disgusted that after my FH told them our financial situation and the constraints of our invitations that they would basically corner me like I could change something or like I am acting mean toward them because I can’t invite certain people. How do I resolve this with being resentful and mean toward them and without remaining upset? At this point this was the last straw. His mom has been very nasty toward me since we’ve gotten engaged. I am not going to continue to be treated badly or like I am stupid! I have no desire to talk to his family and I can’t stop thinking about this incident.
On my way home from the shower I carpooled with my Future Mother-in-Law and Future Sister-in-Law. It was the worst 15 minute ride of my life. I aksed my FMIL if she could give me addresses (i'd call her or come over) so she said my FSIL has everything.
Fine, good. great. I'll get them from her.
Then, my FSIL is like 'Oh I don't know who you are inviting, but you really should invite Tom (her husbands) parents.'
She invited my parents to her wedding, which I tried to protest about because I knew that this would happen. We are trying to have a small wedding and keep it to immediate family and close friends. (Her wedding was a very lavish affair and they had close to 200 guest; they invited close to 300.) My FH and I had already discussed her in laws coming, but we really just can't do it. There is a max. # of people allowed at the RH and to put it more simply, we can't afford it.
I was really taken a back by the way she said it, because she was really nasty about it. If she would have said it in a different way and not have been so demanding and forthcoming about it, I really would have found a way to make it work, but now, I can't fathom going out of my way to make room.
So continuing with the bombardment, his mom starts telling me how she wants to invite Tom's sisters... and her neighbors... and his fathers 3rd and 4th cousins....
I am seriously about to cry because we already discussed this, we can't afford it... she knows we can't afford this... she is not going split the bill. Not only am I upset though... she is totally making me feel like I'm being dumb about who I am inviting... how dare I not invite this people... I am getting so angry.
Finally, in front of my house, she says, “Well, if you don’t invite anyone else, you should at least invite Tony’s Family (meaning FH’s dad’s extended family, people I have never met and Charlie hasn’t seen in over 15 years.) It is only another 8 to 10 people.” This is not including dates, so it is really another 20.
When I got out of the car, I wanted to yell, “I don’t know if you get our problem, an extra $1000+ is more than we can afford! How dare you get nasty with me about who we are invited, you aren’t helping me out in anyway!” but instead, I got out of the car politely said goodbye walked into my house and started to cry hysterically.
Right now I feel very hurt, I feel like I was attacked being both of his family members made me feel like I was two feet tall, and disgusted that after my FH told them our financial situation and the constraints of our invitations that they would basically corner me like I could change something or like I am acting mean toward them because I can’t invite certain people. How do I resolve this with being resentful and mean toward them and without remaining upset? At this point this was the last straw. His mom has been very nasty toward me since we’ve gotten engaged. I am not going to continue to be treated badly or like I am stupid! I have no desire to talk to his family and I can’t stop thinking about this incident.
