Early risers...I need advice

So I had such a horrible night and I have no one else to turn to because anyone I do turn to will judge the whole situation.

So if you have time please help....im dying here


I have school till 10pm last night, so when I got out I called FH and he said he was at his parents house hanging out with his brother and some friends. Fine no problem.

I get closer to home he calls and says he's going to leave in 10 min cause its his friends last night here before going back to college. Again, fine no problem.

Well 1010 turns into 310 in the morning. He walks in and is reeking of alcohol. I ask him where he's been cause last I knew he was just at his house and he said he was there all night. First he denies drinking then admits it.

So I'm pissed but whatever, I couldn't sleep so I went on the comp for a bit and saw he didnt plug in his cell so i went to do it and I found a receipt for drinks at a bar/club.

So now I wake him up and confront it and he tries dening it...HELLO your signature is there.

So then he turns it around on me and says he didnt tell me he was going cause I wouldn't let him, which isn't true.

So now i'm hurt. He lied a few times in one night and I don't know what to think.

PLEASE HELP!!!

My take on it...

Drinking and coming home late is an excusable offense. Lying is not.

Do nothing right now, as he is probably hung over. Think this through today and set aside time to talk tonight.

The fact that he lied makes me wonder if there is anything else he has lied about. Sorry. JMHO.

His coming home that late, I assume without calling, shows a complete lack of respect. I would have been worried sick by 3am.

If I may ask, how old are you and FH? You mentioned college... Maybe FH is testing you to see how much freedom he will have/lose once you get married. Maybe he just needs to get some stuff out of his system... Especially if you are on the younger side of the age spectrum.

Sorry you are going through this!!!!!

Sorry you had a bad night with all this stuff. While I do not know why he thought it was the right thing to do my lying to you, maybe he just didn't want a confrontation about it. I know that nothing can excuse him for lying and that is totally not acceptable, but honestly, men just do not think sometimes. It could be the stupidiest thing but they feel like telling us is going to piss us off so they keep their mouth shut about it, or fabricate some other story. I can't say I have been in this situation with my FH, but I have had this happen to me in the past and I know how it feels. I would just sit him down and talk to him and just let him know that you are hurt and disappointed that he felt the need to lie to you over something that wasn't a big deal in the first place (if thats the case).

Well thats exactly my thought...why couldn't you just tell me you were going out? I honestly wouldn't have cared, but to hide it? I don't even want to think what could have possibly happened.

We are both almost 23. So its not that we are 19 or 20.

I just don't know what kind of relationship we will have if he can't tell me he wants to go out for a few drinks.

I'm so sick to my stomach it hurts so much.

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Posted by JLP

My take on it...

Drinking and coming home late is an excusable offense. Lying is not.

Do nothing right now, as he is probably hung over. Think this through today and set aside time to talk tonight.

The fact that he lied makes me wonder if there is anything else he has lied about. Sorry. JMHO.

His coming home that late, I assume without calling, shows a complete lack of respect. I would have been worried sick by 3am.

If I may ask, how old are you and FH? You mentioned college... Maybe FH is testing you to see how much freedom he will have/lose once you get married. Maybe he just needs to get some stuff out of his system... Especially if you are on the younger side of the age spectrum.

Sorry you are going through this!!!!!

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I agree 100%!!!

we had a similiar situation

FH said he was getting A drink with the guys after work and would be home for dinner....well 3 hours later he walks in the door COMPLETELY out of it and just walked in his room stripped down and jumped into bed. i was PISSED..he still said he only had 2 beers....BULLCRAP.....and was puking all night. i was FUMING!!! and he was stuborn and drunk...I was more pissed that he drove that way....fuming that he did that...but i waited til the next night to talk to him......and he knows better now.... but i also got nervous thinking..why is he lying?? and how often does he do this?????? but i havent had a situation since.....

Stubborn is definitely the word, he can never admit he is wrong and when he does he is sarcastic.

UGHHH I hate men.

To add to this, we are moving to Florida in July and he keeps telling me he wants to go but he keeps using it as an excuse cause he has to see all his friends now.

He keeps saying 'Well your not leaving anyone behind so you don't know how it is'

I mean its true I dont have any real friends (I got rid of them too much emotional baggage) but I do have people i'm leaving.

He's going through this stage and I hate it. I want to say to just call us off and move to Florida on my own but another part of me is saying no.

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Posted by JBKempf




He keeps saying 'Well your not leaving anyone behind so you don't know how it is'


I want to say to just call us off and move to Florida on my own but another part of me is saying no.

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These two statements are upsetting me. I don't think it's fair that he is saying this to you, in fact, it's downright hurtful. And the fact that you are even thinking of calling it off is not good, either. I think you two need to sit down when you're both calm and have a SERIOUS discussion. How are you supposed to marry this man if you aren't communicating? Hang in there. Boys are stupid sometimes and act like they are two, so of course, this could be all that is going on, but I am just a little concerned that he has such a negative attitude towards you. That's awful.

First let me say that I am soo sorry that you had to deal with this & that it kept you up all night. I completely know how you feel. I have to say that agree with everyone else on this one. In my opinion the whole situation is shady. I would ask him one more time and if he still lied I would pack up an move out/back home. You said you are both almost 23 meaning you are really 22, and that he still has friends in college (whom he seems to be very attached to). That being said, maybe you need to take a little break from all the wedding hooplah to see if you 'both' are really ready to be married at this young of an age. Marriage is a huge commitment but It certianly does not mean you are dead or 'leaving anything behind'. Please don't take what i am saying the wrong way - and I do not know you personally so I can't really make a good assumption of any of this but. Speaking from personal experience looking back, there is no way I was ready to be married at 22, and guys mature much slower than girls do especially ones who have friends in college that still go bar hopping and partying all the time - he may feel like he is missing out and that could potentially cause a problem or him to resent you in the future. Why not try to sit down with him and have a deep conversation about what happend, where you are and where you want to go with the relationship - be honest about your feelings with one another and see if this is really what you both want at this point in time. I hope that this helped, Good luck and keep us posted.

I'm sorry you are going through this what you need to do is sit down and talk to him about it. That you are no happy that he did that etc. Like they say in precana commuite with each other but it is the man that don't we do.

I can totally understand were you are coming from cause my fh does the same thing he did it the 2 Weeks ago to me. I tell him the samething call me and let me know what is going on so I know. He says if I would of called you would have not let me out. Which is not true at all either. What happens I would wake up out of a deep sleep and like were the hell is he and I call him and he does not answer so I get worried out of my skin I'm crying. Then he come home smelling like alcohol and he is like no I was not at the bar which he could not lie to me either cause it smells. But I yell at him the whole time in till the next day.
I can't believe yours is the same way as mine. Sorry you have to go through with it.
I hate it to.
IF you need anything else fm me.

I've been through this many times..it's very frustrating.

You need to tell him that lying to you will only increase your anxiety and stress on the relationship. Be very matter of fact about it. No crying..stay strong but caring to let him know that he didn't act responsibly and that made you feel like he had no respect for himself or you.

He must have felt that he couldn't let you know though for fear of reprocussions. That is the part that you have to work on...it took me a while and I had a lot of nights crying myself to sleep over it.

Good luck.

I was through this many times with a former fiance also, and it is very frustrating. FM me if you like.

I agree with the others--the drinking with his friends probably isn't the big problem, it's the lying. Wait until he's not hungover and you have cooled down, and explain as calmly as possible how worried you were. Ask him how he would feel if you did that. Try to focus on how you felt about what happened and less on what he did. He really should say he wants to do that, not just do it.

Good luck!

if he would have told he was going out with friends to a club - would you have let him go without a fight? it sounds like he wanted to avoid fighting with you..and just decided to take the chance and maybe fighting with you after he had some fun.

Has he done this before? If he hasn't then I wouldn't worry too much about it - I would just tell him that he needs to be honest with you - if he wants to go out then he should tell you that he is going out and what time to expect him -

If he has done this before and he is the guy who likes to go clubbing and drink with friends and you have always known this about him, then marrying him may not change that..except that if he does this he needs to show you respect at least by being honest and calling you to let you know he is ok.

I dated a lot of guys who loved to drink and go out to clubs in groups - now I have to say that the man I am going to marry hates clubbing - which we have in common, but there are other things we disagree on.

Althought no one is perfect and so an honest and calm conversation is a good idea.

I have no words of wisdom....only

I regret to say that I have been shady like that, gone out with my girlfriends and gotten wrecked, and not been honest about it. It was more about not wanting to go 10 rounds about seeing my friends and not my FH than it was about doing something that was wrong.
I wouldn't jump too quickly to any conclusions. Wait until your both in a calm state to talk about it....I'm sorry that you're upset.