How long does one have to send out engagement gift thank you notes before it is deemed rude? My mother just called me and told me that someone who sent me a gift about a month ago asked her if we ever got it because they hadn't heard anything from us. First of all, I sent out a thank you on August 12 (the only reason I remember is because I left for vacation that day), which was apparently lost en route. Secondly, if they were concerned about whether I got it, they could check with the store they sent it from (one of the stores I'm registered at) and ask if it was shipped and received. Third, how rude is it that they had the nerve to even tell my mother that they still hadn't received anything from me indicating that I got the gift? My mother was snippy with me as if it was my fault, yet I feel that it was entirely inappropriate for him to even say anything to her. So how long would I have to send a thank you that this person was so upset about not receiving one yet?
Grrrrr!
ETA: Should I have been insulted that he waited over 4 months after hearing about my engagement to send a gift?
jannshari
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Anyone? I really do want to know what the etiquette is, even though the question may have gotten lost in my rant.
SeptemberBride03
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
I would mail a thank you the day or the day after I received the gift. The only reason etiquette gives you a while with wedding thank you's is because you go on your honeymoon, there is tons of them to do, and you have to wait to get the picture from the photographer.
jannshari
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Well, the day of wasn't feasible for me, but I believe it was within a week, perhaps 2 maximum, as there were a lot of other things that took precedence over the thank you note, unfortunately. I'm still just in shock that he had the nerve to say something.
SeptemberBride03
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
A week or two is fine. I wouldn't let him get you upset. There is going to be much more things that will stress you over your planning!
jannshari
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Thanks. It's not like ruin-my-day upset, but I thought it was pretty ballsy for him to even ask. So now I have to send out another one, but of course it will seem like I only sent it out because he said something.
Eh, you can't please everyone.
palebride
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
that is pretty incedible that he would say something! maybe you can send another one out and apologize that the first one got lost.... it was pretty nice of him to even send an engagement gift either way!!
jannshari
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Of course it was incredibly nice to send a gift, and I certainly appreciated it, which is why I sent the first thank you. I do plan on putting something in the note apologizing that the first one got lost. This is just going to give my mother more fodder to bug the p*ss out of me every time I get a gift...30 seconds after I receive the gift, she asks me if I sent a thank you yet because it makes her look bad if I don't. Um, no, it makes ME look bad if I don't. You'd think I was 10 or something.
But I'm not bitter.
palebride
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
I understnd completely!!!! it's like we have the same parents...... i'm super-prompt with sending out thank you's becuase of it!!!
NovBride
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
I think two weeks is fine, but I tried to get mine done ASAP so that I wouldn't forget. As for your other question I think four months is still appropriate to send an engagement gift. Hey, gifts are always good.
HearzBellz
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Technically, 3-4 weeks is acceptable, from what I have been told. I sent out most of mine 2 weeks after I got the 1st round of gifts, b/c I had finals in between.
Xelindrya
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
Ok.. that was a bit rude.. and your mother acted like something my mother would do.. and that aint good!
Now I'd be concerned if i sent something and wasn't sure if it arrived if I was real anxious to get your reaction. I wouldnt think that would apply with registered gifts. I would know to check with the store.. but I have been having personal problems with mail getting to me so I'd still probably double check. I wouldnt have checked with your mother tho. I'd have plain blank called you.. hey Jann..how's the wedding planning? good great wonderful.. say.. i sent out something for your registry.. I just wanted to check.. cause you never may know.. ya know?
I dunno I think it's rude not to go to the source.. but that's me.
butterfly20
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
jannshari, my mom does the same thing! i get my thankyous out wihin a week or so after the gift.. when my sister gets a gift(she's married out of the house) my mom asks if she sent the thank you out, that day or the very next day! she has even given my sister thank you cards to write things out! your not alone
jannshari
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
I was teasing about the length of time it took to get the gift.
Xel, it would make sense for someone to come to me first to find out if I received the gift, but I don't even know this guy!! It's someone my mother works with, which, to me, makes it even more rude for him to say something. I could understand if a close family friend wanted to know, but someone I've never even met!?!?!? Anyway, I'm writing another note today and sending it out, explaining that the previous note was sent out and that I apologize for the appearance of rudeness. That should do it.
Thanks for the info ladies!
J.Lo24
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Re: Engagement gift thank you etiquette
I sent out my engagment thank you's 2 weeks after the party. I wanted to get them out sooner, but I was senting a picture in with the cards. I would say though 1-2 weeks.
