Engagements: Out of Style?

Engagements: Out of style?

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By Pamela Hill Nettleton
From ThirdAge.com



Have engagements outlived their usefulness? Is the idea of an engagement outdated? These days, why not just fly to Vegas and be married by Elvis tomorrow?

Though the historic roots and original etiquette of a traditional engagement can feel irrelevant these days, there are solid reasons why you ought to be engaged for more than 48 hours. (After all, even home buyers get three days in most states to reconsider their decision!) Most obviously, your family and friends could use a little time to get used to the idea of your impending nuptials.

Here are answers to often-asked questions about modern engagements.

Q: Why not just get married tomorrow?
A: While eloping or marrying quickly sounds like fun, the idea could backfire. If they're left out of the fun and festivities, your family members may be upset. If you've been married before and have children, they won't appreciate getting an instant stepparent. And, if you're the stepparent, marrying without an engagement period is a mistake you may end up paying for in therapist fees for the next decade.

Q: What is the point of an engagement?
A: One of the original reasons for an engagement was to give the couple time to get to know one another. Arranged marriages and formal courting practices didn't exactly foster knowing your partner's true personality before you signed on the dotted line.

Though courtship has certainly changed dramatically -- putting emotional and physical intimacy on the fast track -- any couple could benefit from a few months of spending even more time together before the ink dries on a marriage license.

Another good reason for an engagement: It takes time to plan a wedding.

Q: How long should an engagement last?
A: Long enough for your immediate family to get to know your future spouse and begin to welcome him or her into the family. If one or both of you have children who live with you, plan on extra time, or at least make the most of your time by letting them discover just what's so lovable about your new partner.

Q: How long is the average engagement?
A: When my husband and I announced our wedding date (we were both 40), my mother asked, 'What's the rush?' My husband replied, 'We don't have a lot of time left to waste!'

Though the truth is not quite that dour, couples in their 40s, 50s and 60s are the group that gets to the altar the quickest once the question has been popped. When the marriage isn't a first marriage, an engagement usually averages three to six months.

Whatever you decided to do, just remember to slow down and enjoy this wonderful event.



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